Thursday, November 24, 2005

Dead Turkey Walking

PETA scores a last minute stay of execution from President Bush for the national turkey.However, in keeping with PETA's campaign to eliminate animal suffering, but increase human suffering, the ultra wacko vegetarian organization enlisted the help of skinhead singer Moby this Thanksgiving.

Moby had his voice recorded on a veggie hotline to rival Butterball's Turkey Hotline. Moby gives scrumptious directions on how to stuff the perfect tufo turkey.

Says Dopy "I decided there was enough suffering in the world, I don't want to be responsible for the suffering of animals." Please pass me a tissue, cuz man that was beautiful...sniff.

Soapy has been a vegan since he was 21 at time before he began his assault on music. "I have done my part to destroy part of the music scene, it is time to stop annoying people through song and move on to fascist vegetarian policies."

As a vegan, Mopy will not only abstain from eating meat, but also won't eat any food that comes from an animal such as eggs or milk. When pressed on how a person can be a vegan and pro-choice, Napy began to answer but then realized he had been caught in one of those weird, celebrity ideological catch-22s, so he decided to change the subject and mumbled something negative about Bush and the republican party.

So, In A Word is calling you to action. This Thanksgiving it is your duty as an evil, vile meat eater to have an extra helping of turkey. Together we can pick up the slack in the food chain caused by the vegetarians.

Also, a quick Thanksgiving history lesson. Anyone know where the word vegetarian comes from? It is an old Indian word that means: bad hunter.

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