Saturday, December 30, 2006

This Is A Post To Distract You From More Important News

Apparently engaging your brain before you write a letter to the editors of the Des Moines Register isn't a prerequisite:
"It seems likely that the Dec. 12 federal raids at the Swift packing plants in Marshalltown and elsewhere were timed to distract the U.S. media’s attention from a British scandal in which Prime Minister Tony Blair is involved.

Blair’s collaboration with the Bush administration in its futile effort to subjugate Mesopotamia, indicates that President Bush has reasons to protect Blair from bad publicity."

-Gerald Baker
Are you kidding me? The identity theft and illegal immigration raids were nothing more than a smoke screen to cover up the scandal Blair was embroiled in on December 14th? What is must be like to view the world through a liberal's eyes.

Just to recap: the Swift raids where similar to the Nazis rounding up the Jews, cruel because it was before Christmas, heartless because they separated children from parents, and finally an elaborate cover-up to help protect the American's image of Tony Blair.

In related news, it is being speculated that the execution of Saddam Hussein was just a ruse to shift attention away from John Edward's announcement that he is running for the Presidency.

Friday, December 29, 2006

A Thank You Letter

Dear People Of Iraq,

I am humbled by your thoughtful birthday gift for me, but you really shouldn't have. The execution of Saddam Hussein for crimes against humanity was one of the best presents this staunch supporter of the Iraq war could have asked for, but I question whether my birthday was deserving of such an honor? Of course I am celebrating with you for having the courage to finally rid yourself once and for all of a homicidal dictator, but I have to be honest, a card would have sufficed.

You realize though that you have now spoiled me for future birthdays. Nintendo Wiis and Xbox 360s will no longer appease me, I am going to need the blood of deranged world leader to be spilled every year now.

In case you are looking for a few birthday gift ideas for next year and want to get a head start on the shopping, I could go for Kim Jong Il's head on a platter or maybe Mahmoud Ahmadinejad stuffed and mounted from my living room wall. I realize those are rather expensive, so if you are on a limited budget I would settle for a videotape of Hugo Chavez dying before a firing squad...I mean after all it's thought that counts.

Thank you again.

Your friend,

Jeremie Jordan

Thursday, December 28, 2006

An Early Birthday Present

Although my birthday isn't until tomorrow, I got a welcomed surprise today. A few months ago before starting CBB I wrote a post on my original blog, In A Word, whining about a short story I had lost through the years of moving around, packing and unpacking. Well this morning the fates shined on me for a few fleeting moments and I found my old writing portfolio.

To say I am excited is an understatement. As I start to rework my story I will offer it up for criticism here on CBB.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

The Red Herring Pt. II

[Note: This is the second part in what will be a three part post. You can read part I here]

Worried that I might become what I dislike, this post is a long time coming. Anyone can bitch, but to provide solutions takes courage and the heart to stand up to criticism. I have written many posts explaining why I oppose raising the minimum wage, however today I will loosely outline a better solution for those people making minimum wage than a meaningless $2 an hour raise.

Politicians are always campaigning. Even when they are governing, they are campaigning. The minimum wage issue as become so contorted, so twisted that the press would have you believe that if you didn't support raising the minimum wage then you must be cruel and soulless. I contend it's those that proclaim a false hope that mere two dollar raise is going to have on someone's life are the heartless ones. Minimum wage by definition is applied to those employees that are unskilled and of an entry level type position. Raising the pay floor doesn't make this indisputable fact disappear. Raising the minimum wage will also not increase the buying power of the minimum wage earner's paycheck, as the cost of all goods and service will go up. Of this I can assure you, as raising the minimum wage is not free money that politicians found laying on the floor.

So what's the solution? Well to start with you don't help someone by raising the minimum wage, you help them by getting them out of a minimum wage job. Training and teaching them job skills. And I am not talking about college either, because not everyone is cut out for higher education. Having spent 13 years working around people making minimum wage, I have learned that those same employees tend to fail at each job they hold for the same reasons. They doom their chances of success by making the same mistakes over and over again, thus forcing them to take another job making the same low pay and cycle repeats itself. Too many times I have seen the dangled hope of a college education as some sort of cure-all to better a life, only to see them enroll just to drop out. It's not to say these people are stupid or lack abilities, it's just that their abilities lie outside the pages of a book or sitting through a lecture. The key is to unlock those abilities and find a vocation where they can use them.

About seven years ago I became the area district manager for the corporate owned Domino's Pizza stores in Des Moines [a few years before I decided I was making too money and that I should open my own business]. Coming into the new position I felt the greatest hurdle facing our stores was the lack of employees as we were grossly understaffed. The only store remotely close to having the proper staffing leveling was the one I just left to accept the promotion. Unfortunately [or fortunately, depending on your point of view] the unemployment rate in Des Moines has always been fairly low so the employee pool was/is extremely shallow. I started thinking that if I couldn't get the perspective employees to walk into the stores and apply, I would simply go out and bring the application to them. I teamed with a fellow Domino's employee named Mark Watkins, who worked at the Domino's world headquarters in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Mark was in a division called "Urban Initiatives," a branch of Domino's specifically created to targeting and help inner cities around the nation. This department was designed as a corporate outreach to assist people, not to sell them pizzas.

I sat down with Mark and explained I needed more employees. To be blunt, I said I know where a large concentration of unemployed people are...the inner city. However, we both realized that time and time again when you pull prospective employees for those areas they tend to not work out, so we started to brainstorm why. Over the course of about six months we bounced around simple ideas or quick fixes, if you will, but eventually we agreed to try something bigger. Bigger than just staffing a Domino's Pizza store. We took the employment model pioneered by Strive and decided to create our own.

Our program was designed to help eliminate obstacles preventing those people either unemployed or stuck in a minimum wage job from bettering their lives. What we found was that those people making minimum wage or who were habitually unemployed tended to believe that they were owed a job, but expected to give nothing in return. We took to dispelling this belief and crafted a three day, in-your-face approach to training these people how to get a job and how to keep it.

We partnered with Creative Visions an inner city center designed to provide help those in need. We taught four hour classes over the course of the three. Day one dealt with removing the notion that someone "owes" you something. What employers are looking for in an employee. That work is work and it will suck sometimes, but other times it will be rewarding. How to present yourself or sell yourself and your skills. And finally, having the right attitude.

By day two we would go from starting class sizes of 30+ down to about 10 or 15. The dropout rate was high and expected, but it left us with those people really intent on changing their lives. Day two was always the hardest as it dealt with the interview process. At first we would let them fail without any guidance. We placed them in the middle of the rest of the class; surrounded and alone with eyes of everyone else on them. Then after meticulously tearing down their conduct, attitude, choice of words, eye contact, and appearance we would start reconstructing them. Easily the most gratifying day of three we would teach. You started to understand that these people were failing in their jobs before they were even hired. They were setting impressions that they would have to fight everyday they worked whether true or not.

The final day of classes dealt with keeping a job once they were hired. We called them workforce issues. Ethics, sexual harassment, discrimination, diversity and teamwork. The idea wasn't just get them a job, but to set them up to succeed rather than fail. Arm them with some knowledge of what type of situations to expect in the workplace. Help them understand what is appropriate and what is not. Keep in mind this originally started as a hiring tool for Domino's, however by the end we removed that goal. We would welcome interviews, but made it clear they weren't automatically hired.

So what was the outcome of the program? I wish I could say we helped hundreds of people, but sadly this was not the case. You must realize [and I am looking directly at the dreamy eyed liberals] that you can't save everyone. No amount of money or government assistance can replace the need for them to want a better life. The government can't do it and you and I can't do for them either. You start by helping those that want help and rest will follow eventually. We hired many of the students we taught and by the time I left the Des Moines stores they were still working for the company. What that program showed me was the promise and the desire to succeed that dwells inside of every person. There is great wisdom in the proverb: “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”

Politicians would have you believe that raising the minimum wage will provide a new life for these people. Don't believe it. Mark my words, raising the minimum wage won't help anyone better their lives. At least not without further job skill training. However two and fours years from now the Democratic leadership will claim a certain level of success. More hallow words, that truly show how much politics is about getting power and keeping power instead of truly helping people.

I support welfare and government assistance when helps provide a bridge to a better economic station in life. Reallocate resources from within the current welfare system and provide organizations like Strive with the resources to expand their programs. Provide incentives to businesses like Domino's for attempting to think outside the box. The government must learn to work in partnership with private businesses, instead of against them. Businesses, despite the beliefs of smiley-glad-hand-pick-pocket politicians, are not an endless well of money that can be dipped into every time they need to keep a campaign promise or a new government program.

I think back to why I was once a Democrat and I recall the reasons admired Presidents like FDR and JFK. They supported public programs designed to help people, but at the same required a certain level of commitment back to the government. Civilian Conservation Corps, Public Work Administration and the Works Progress Administration were all forms of welfare, but each one required actual work on the part of the individual receiving the help. Modern day Democrats have perverted President Kennedy's famous quote imploring Americans to become more active citizens into a more selfish version: "ask not what you can do for your country, ask what your country can do for you."

It's time to return to the core values and belief that you must earn what you receive in life, rather than believing you are owed everything you receive.

[Tomorrow I will end this long winded 3 part post with a few final thoughts and shots]

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Apples To Oranges

I am not exactly sure why this is news, but the mainstream press would like you to know that US troop deaths in Iraq have exceeded the deaths of those on 9/11. Apparently this statistic somehow further explains why the Iraq war is/was wrong. One is a military operation and one was a terrorist attack, so if you add the two causality numbers together I guess it equals "Bush lied." Although to be honest, the whole new math thing has me baffled so the actual algebraic solution might be off.

Irrelevant news stories like this just anger me. Don't get me wrong, reporting the troop deaths is not "irrelevant" just the pairing of two independent statistics. It doesn't bring our troops home any faster. It doesn't ease the pain for the families grieving the loss of a son or daughter that has died in Iraq. It doesn't stop the twin towers from falling. It doesn't do anything but link two things that should not be linked.

In other news it was reported that on December 26th, John Kerry made his 57,690th stupid, Anti-American comment which incidentally is same as the number of US troops killed in the Vietnam War.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Immigration Nazi

In keeping with the latest trend of comparing everything to the 1930s Nazi Germany:

US Hispanic groups and activists on Thursday called for a moratorium on workplace raids to round up illegal immigrants, saying they were reminiscent of Nazi crackdowns on Jews in the 1930s.

"This unfortunately reminds me of when Hitler began rounding up the Jews for no reason and locking them up," Democratic Party activist Carla Vela said. "Now they're coming for the Latinos, who will they come for next?"

Oh yes, the parallels are striking...

On the bright side, Steven Spielberg is said to be working on the script for "Swift-lers's List." And with any luck the world leaders will have studied past mistakes in history and won't create a Hispanic state in the Middle East.

Other commenting: State29

I Didn't Realize Global Warming Only Took One Year


Apparently retailers are having a hard time selling winter coats this year because on average various parts of the north and northeast are about 15 degrees above the normal temperature for December. Thanks to the media and people like Al Gore, the hysteria over racks of unsold coats has New York retailers calling this the first "global warming" Christmas.

Forget the fact that last December was the "coldest in a decade for New York."

All that matters is now, right now. And right now it's warm, in fact to find another December this warm you have to go all the way back to 2001.

Friday, December 22, 2006

The Red Herring

You either believe capitalism works or you don't. If you do, you are a Republican. If you don't, you are a Democrat. Period. I have railed about this belief for a over a year now on this and other blogs...you don't solve the problems of the world with greater government involvement. Take, for instance, the proposed minimum wage increase.

The issue of a minimum wage increase is a very personal one for me. I own a small business where 75% of employees make minimum wage [before you start thinking I don't pay my people well, understand after you factor in those employee's additional compensation they make over $15 an hour]. All raising the minimum wage does is drive the cost of goods up. There's a negative economic word for that and it's called "inflation." In my case, I have worked for about six years with no raise and for less than I was working before I started my small business. The carrot-at-the-end-of-the-proverbial-stick for me was that day I was to be debt free and owe no money to bank. Well that day was suppose to be 12 months from now. And now I am bitter and mad that politicians are putting their hands in my pocket and taking my money. I feel like I just working 6 days a week for 50+ hours for nothing. That money is mine. I endured the risk that goes with starting a small business and I am sorry but I believe the reward should also be mine to reap.

Democrats like to throw around statistics like: if you factor inflation, the current minimum wage is lower than it was in the 1930s or inflation has lowered the buying power of minimum wage or that the 9 years since the last minimum wage increase is the longest such span since the minimum wage was created. To those points, I say so what? Does any of that help those workers making minimum wage? Hell I'll go one further, does giving a two dollar raise help those making minimum wage?

I contend that if I wasn't competitive with my wages, I would have no employees. That whole "capitalism" thing again. My market dictates I pay a certain wage to get people to work for me. That wage [aside from the tipped employees] is no less than $8.00 per hour. If someone is making $5.15 an hour for 40 hours a week, then that someone is a fool. You can't drive down the street without seeing a fast food place hiring a fry cook for less than $7.50 an hour. It isn't the government's job to give the American worker a raise, it's the American worker's responsibility to get their own raise. Don't believe that, then you my friend are a socialist. How does it feel comrade?

Back to my personal situation, I have not taken a raise in an attempt to have a more money left to pay my staff more. I believe low turnover leads to higher sales. My belief is supported by the fact that my business will have its' third straight year of record sales. I have a staff full of employees that have worked for me over a year and most cases they have worked for since I opened the business four years ago. In my small business' industry what I just described to you would be a statistical anomaly. I also pay my assistant managers and non-tipped staff about $2 more an hour than they would make doing the same job elsewhere.

I don't hold a gun to my employee's heads and they can leave whenever they wish. An unfortunately side effect to starting a new business is that money is lean. I don't have the resources to pay my people what I want to pay them. I have had too many great employees leave for better paying jobs, but I can't afford to keep them. Someday I will, but with a minimum wage increase that someday will be further into the future. Wish to ask me about those record sales I spoke of? Believe me, the government has found away to take a large chunk of it and the rising costs of doing business each year has taken the rest. Not exactly a good feeling knowing you must achieve record sales just to spin your wheels and remain in the same place.

It isn't just the wage increase that will hurt, but the payroll taxes I must pay on those wages will also rise accordingly. You starting to see the political angles now? Don't forget that only 6% of the workforce makes minimum wage and of that six percent over 50% of them are teenagers living at home. Makes you question why minimum wage is even an issue?

Next week I will finally offer my solution to the question of minimum wage. I have mentioned I would propose an answer previously, but the issue is so raw for me that staying calm and focused is sometimes an issue. Hench the delay. However, now is the time to make my beliefs known. Will change anything? No, but at least when raising the minimum wage occurs and the economy stalls and those making minimum wage are still at the same station in life that they were before the increase I can say I told you so.

And really, isn't that what having a blog is all about anyway?

Monday, December 18, 2006

Man Sues McDonald's For Un-Happy Meal

Ames [CBB] - After having a less than joyous dinning experience at his local McDonald's, Johnathan Reed has filed a 2.4 million dollar lawsuit against the world's largest fast food chain claiming "the 'Happy Meal' didn't live up to its' name."

"I took my five year old son to out to lunch and he ordered a 4 pcs. Chicken Mc Nugget Happy Meal," Reed explained, "but after Timmy finished and I asked how his lunch was all I got was a 'fine.' Hardly what I would call 'happy'.'"

"The damn fries weren't 'fluffed,' the barbecue sauce was bland, and to top it all off they were out of the current iZ[TM] toys so my son a got cheap, Chinese piece of crap from last year's Disney flop 'Chicken Little.' Huh...Happy Meal, my ass"

Mr. Reed's lawsuit alleges "gross negligence" and "price gouging."

"I paid $3.49 for my son's Happy Meal. Considering what I got, would say the monetary worth of the food was about $2.28...$2.29...tops," Reed said.

When the Corn Beltway Boys questioned McDonald's Corp. over the pending lawsuit, we were told that it's "company policy not to discuss ongoing litigation" however they did provide us with this statement:

"While McDonald's certainly regrets any service or product issues Mr. Reed had during his last visit, we feel that he paid a fair market price for a kid's meal considering it was made by a pimp faced 14 year old with no job skills. McDonald's also questions the motives of Mr. Reed and others like him that hope to litigate themselves to wealth. Please bare in mind that our marketing department spends hundreds of millions of dollars to advertise to your kids just how great we are. Kids love us and no amount of frivolous lawsuits is going to change that. McDonald's wonders why any parent would risk potential group therapy when their child turns 25 just so they can find out their child hates them and harbors resentment over not buying them a crappy 67 cent hamburger with a cheap ass toy when they were 5 years old. McDonald's would like to think Mr. Reed would value his son's love and affection more than he does a few million dollars."

Time Magazine's Person of the Year: Jeremie Jordan

I just wanted to give everyone a heads up that I might not be blogging much in the coming few months. You see I was chosen as Time magazine's "Person of the Year" and I can only guess I will be busy with guest appearances on the View and Oprah. As I reflected on what this award meant, I realized that 2006 was a pretty good year for me but I never expected to win.

I mean sure...I am deserving but I guess I never really believed Time would recognize all that I did this year. Let us recap the greatness that was the Life of Jordan 2006:
  • Took out the trash every Friday morning
  • Started Corn Beltway Boys...thus giving Jaques a purpose in life
  • Got kicked off of dmJuice.com for being the best blogger
  • Made fun of IrishWalsh 247 times
  • Made fun of Schmidt playing with Transformers 15 times
  • Wrote hundreds of Pulitzers Prize winning caliber posts [just like this one]
  • Played 15 hours of the Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
As I look forward, I realize winning the Person of the Year award in back to back years will be difficult, but I think making fun of Walsh, Jaques and Schmidt a few more times coupled with playing more video games I just might make it.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Drake Beats Iowa

73-59

Steve Alford will be gone by the end the of season...mark my words.

These stats pretty much sum up Alford's fate:
  • Drake is off to its' best start in 22 years
  • Iowa is off to its' worst start in 32 years
  • Drake beat Iowa for the first time in 27 years
  • Drake is coached by the guy Iowa fired to hire Steve Alford
Congrats to Tom Davis and the Bulldogs. Suck it Hawkeyes...

Al Sadr Gift Ideas, Part II


I have made a huge oversight - I left out two of the biggest gifts of the year!

1) The Saddam Chia Beard. Can't grow your own, manly Islamic beard? Can you see the smirks under the veils at your patchy, back-hair looking facial growth? Then you need the Saddam Chia Beard! Get it for the facially challenged man in your life

2) The clapper detonation device. Still a favorite among the senior citizen terrorist. Guaranteed to make a huge impression!

These are also great gifts!

[this posted reprinted from The Corn Beltway Boys by Daren Jaques]

Friday, December 15, 2006

Cardboard Box Housing Market Continues To Soften

Des Moines [CBB] - For the second straight quarter cardboard box home sales fell, indicating a cooling of the corrugated housing marketing.

"I've had my old refrigerator box on the market for about 6 months now with no realistic offers," said homeless man Cletus Hooper, "I bought the box for a half a bottle of Scotch and a cigarette butt, however now I am worried if I can even get my initial investment back"

Hooper isn't alone according to David Wyss, chief economist at Standard & Poor's in New York, because as unemployment rates continue to plummet Wyss believes there will be a flood of cardboard box homes hitting the market.

"It's going to destitute buyers market for the next few years until the Democrats can enact enough policy decisions to slow the economy down and get unemployment rates rising again," Wyss projected, "in the short term we are appealing to the public to destroy their old washing machine and refrigerator boxes to help reduce supply."

In the meantime it's a waiting game for box owners like Cletus.

"I am trying to stay optimistic and proactive," Hooper explained, "I just signed up for HGTV's "Flip This Box" and I plan on installing a second mason jar bathroom in the back corner. The real key is not to get discouraged."

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Old School Gaming

This started over at Ace of Spades, but seeing the video made me get all nostalgic for the simple days of my youth playing Super Mario Bros. with Daren. We both ruled over the game, but Daren's skillz were a bit more mad than mine. Simply beating the game wasn't enough for us after awhile and soon we started creating our own challenges: beat the game without dying [warping OK] or high score and time. Oddly enough, beating SMB in lighting speed [about 5 minutes] has become a bit of internet lore. Since I know from personal experience and watching Daren do it too, it can be done with out the aid of computers.

However, the video appears to use a non-cheat/cheat explained here.

Anyway, I posted the video because I have a blog and time to kill. And in the blogging world that is reason enough...

Blind Ammunition

I normally don't condone any restriction on the ownership of firearms. The Constitution grants the right to bare arms and I will not dispute it...automatic, black power, or otherwise. Striping gun ownership rights only removes the guns from law abiding citizens, as criminals will still find access to them.

However, today I am making an amendment to my stanch opposition to wide ranging gun control. May I present a proposed bill from Texas that would grant the legally blind the right to hunt.
"This opens up the fun of hunting to additional people, and I think that's great," said Republican Rep. Edmund Kuempel

A bill filed for the 2007 legislative session would permit legally blind hunters to use laser sights, or lighted pointing instruments.
"I've seen this on TV before, when they're taking target practice," Kuempel said. "When they aim the gun, the guide tells them, aim two inches higher or two inches lower and you're on the target, and you're off and running."

Off and running? Truer words have never been spoken, because I can only guess there will be a lot of running and ducking if the blind become armed.Blogger beta: In A Word - Create Post

There are certain things in life that require ability of sight to enjoy and I would put hunting near the top of the list. Aside from the sound and recoil of the gun, exactly what experience is there for the blind? And let me state, for the record, I still believe the blind should have access to gun ownership just not hunting.
Hunters using sights under the proposed legislation would have to carry proof that they are legally blind.
I guess the cane and seeing eye dog wouldn't be enough of a clue...

Sen. Johnson in Critical Condition After Surgery

Obviously, we all wish him a speedy recovery. There are times for politics, but this is not one of them.

The press and political pundits have been covering South Dakota democratic Senator Johnson's health so closely due to the tight one vote majority in US Senate between the two political parties. The reason? Because if Johnson is unable to fulfill his duties a replacement will be appointed by the South Dakota's Governor, Mike Rounds, who happens to be a Republican.

While the political vultures circle around Johnson's health, let me state this clearly: if he is incapacitated and unable to serve in the Senate his replacement SHOULD be a Democrat. Period. Even as a Republican, I realize the American people have spoken during the last election. Americans want Democratic leadership for at least the next two years and the 2006 election outcome should be preserved.

If Republicans wish to lead again, they would be better served by returning to their roots of conservatism, then by starting a dead pool on Tim Johnson.

Do You Remember Where You Were When...?

Generations have defining moments. Grave instances of profound meaning that embed their images and consequences into your memory. My grandparents had Pearl Harbor. My parents had JFK's and Martin Luther King's assassinations and man walking on the moon. My generation had the Challenger shuttle disaster and 9/11.

You never know when these tragedies will happen or which ones will linger longer than others. One thing is certain though, you will always remember where you were and precise time when you heard the news.

So...

Where were you on December 13th, 2006 @7:30PM: "The Day Immigration Officials Stole Christmas?"

I am not sure if Mexican illegal immigrants and their apologists take classes on how-to-properly-word-their statements-when-interviewed-by-the press, but it appears hysterics are a must.

Consider these two quotes:
“When 9/11 came along, everyone remembered it,” said Isis Diaz, 14, and a freshman. “I think everyone will remember this.”

and

"Why did they have to do this two weeks before Christmas?" asked Linae Brush, joining a crowd of about 100 employees and family members outside the plant to support her neighbors, who work for Swift. "I think they're sending a message, a nasty message."
Correlating a raid to detain people breaking the law and the terrorist attacks in NYC? What the fuck?

And law enforcement officials aren't suppose to up hold the law two weeks before Christmas? Give me a break.

Believe me, I will forget these raids as soon as there's another one [and there better be another one... no make that another ONE hundred more]. In fact, I doubt these raids were even a defining moment for those illegal immigrants arrested. So I am sorry Isis Diaz, but the raids of December 13th, 2006 are nothing compared to 9/11.

Call me an evil conservative if you will, but I hope INS sends a few more "nasty messages" before Christmas. I am heartless like that...

Also commenting: State 29

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Christmas Comes Early...

I mean really, can you have a Star Wars Christmas special without Bea Arthur and Jefferson Starship?

A Step In The Right Direction...Er...Left

Call me cautiously optimistic, but I think the Democrats are making some smart moves leading into the 2007 session of congress. Today it was announced that they are going to remove all "pet projects" from spending bills.
Democrats tidying up a cluster of unfinished spending bills dumped on them by departing Republican leaders in Congress will start by removing billions of dollars in lawmakers' pet projects next month.

The move, orchestrated by the incoming chairmen of the House and Senate Appropriations committees, could prove politically savvy even as it proves unpopular with other members of Congress, who as a group will lose thousands of so-called earmarks.

"There will be no congressional earmarks," Rep. David Obey, D-Wis., and Sen. Robert Byrd, D-W.Va., said Monday in a statement announcing their plans, which were quickly endorsed by incoming Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., and soon-to-be Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D- Nev.
While I completely understand that not all of those allocations of tax money are pork, but I don't think starting over with a clean balance sheets is a bad idea either.

I couldn't care less about congress not taking a pay raise or working five days a week, because frankly those moves are most likely just political posturing. However, I would actually find myself supporting a majority of the Democratic social services, if we could get the rest of the national spending in order.

Alright, alright...I might have overstated my last sentence, but you get where I am coming from.

Monday, December 11, 2006

When It Comes To Terrorism, Democrats Don't Know Shitte

Not that I am inferring that Democrats don't understand the severity of the war on terror...

Incoming House intelligence chief botches easy intel quiz
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Rep. Silvestre Reyes of Texas, who incoming House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has tapped to head the Intelligence Committee when the Democrats take over in January, failed a quiz of basic questions about al Qaeda and Hezbollah, two of the key terrorist organizations the intelligence community has focused on since the September 11, 2001 attacks.

When asked by CQ National Security Editor Jeff Stein whether al Qaeda is one or the other of the two major branches of Islam -- Sunni or Shiite -- Reyes answered "they are probably both," then ventured "Predominantly -- probably Shiite."

That is wrong. Al Qaeda was founded by Osama bin Laden as a Sunni organization and views Shiites as heretics.

Reyes could also not answer questions put by Stein about Hezbollah, a Shiite group on the U.S. list of terrorist organizations that is based in Southern Lebanon.
Sounds like Majority Speaker Pelosi made a fine choice in appointing Reyes to head the Intelligence Committee. In fact Reyes ended the quiz by saying "that spreading of communism will not go unchecked!"

Republican Lawmakers Unionize


Lost in the chaos and blitz of the final few hours of the 2006 session of congress was the vote by Republican lawmakers to unionize. Fearing a hostile working environment under the incoming Democratic controlled congress, the Republican leaders formed the Pachyderm Lawmakers Union Of America Local 527.

"With the Democrats proposing a five day work week and no congressional pay raises in the foreseeable future, Republicans felt they needed an unified voice to bring both parties to the bargaining table," Pachyderm Union President Dennis Hastert announced during a press conference, "It comes down to whether or not we will be able to financially provide for our families, not to mention having the time to see them."

With congress already gridlocked to a near stand still with partisan politics, industry experts expressed deep concerns for yet another layer of bureaucracy.

"Hey, I am all for gridlock if it keeps the blood sucking politicians out of my back pocket, but I don't think forming an union was the right approach," well known and beloved Corn Beltway Boys blogger Jeremie Jordan said, "having to go through the procedural channels of labor negotiations just to discuss and debate the passage of bills seems excessive. Frankly, I thought that was what the House pages were for...well that and picking up their dry cleaning."

The Democratic response to the new Republican union was surprising negative.

"We spend the entire campaign cycle playing lip service to the unions while pandering for a few votes," new US House of Representatives majority leader Nancy Pelosi said after hearing of the union vote, "now I am expected to work with them? Screw that...ever heard of a lockout?"

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Her Parents Are So Proud

You know me, I'm the lazy man's blogger. If there's an easy joke, I don't pass it up. I live for the posts that write themselves. While I make fun of the cut and paste bloggers, I wish I had the attention span to do that all day, but I don't...oh, look at the bright shinny colors. However, yesterday the blogging world was grace with this little gem of a story:
If reports are true that Chelsea Clinton and her boyfriend Marc Mezvinsky are considering marriage, the father of the groom won't be able to attend the wedding until he is released from prison in November 2008.

Ed Mezvinsky, a former Democratic Congressman from Iowa, is serving a seven-year sentence for fraud after getting caught up in a series of Nigerian e-mail scams.
I do love how the story and the headline skirt around the the fact that Mezvinsky is a crook. "Former Congressman Duped by Nigerian Scams," unless you read the article you would almost think Mezvinsky was the victim. He was the "victim" up and until he decided to use the Nigerian e-mail scam on family and friends...then he became the leading Democratic candidate for President in '08.

Background similarities between these two families is undeniable. It really is no wonder Chelsea and Marc have fallen in love, the only thing I would be worried about is whether or not they might actually be distant cousins.

You can just imagine the holiday get together between the two families:

Bill: So Ed, good to see you again. Looks like prison treated you well.
Ed: Yeah it wasn't too bad, I actually ran into a couple of your friends. They say "hi."
Bill: I was talking with Chelsea and Marc, they seem to be ready to take over the family business. I figured I could teach them the shady land deals and...
Ed: ...and I can teach them internet scams.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Chet Culver Wears Slot Machine Tie While Denying Touch Play


Des Moines - CBB has learned that Chet Culver has paraded around like a
dandy wearing his favorite tie, which was given to him personally by Bill
Krause, CEO of Kum and Go and an active supporter of Touchplay machines. To
make matters worse, Culver was wearing the tie when CBB news correspondent
Mike Raker caught up with Chet while he stumped in Lake Okoboji's famed
Arnold's Park resort earlier today. Here is an excerpt of what transpired:

M.R. : "Mr. Culver, I've noticed that you're wearing a slot machine tie.
Does that indicate your feelings toward the expansion of gambling in Iowa?"

C.C. : "I've been looking for the University of Okoboji all day... do you
know where the campus is ?"

M.R. "Uhh, actually I think that's just a... nevermind. Anyway, about that
tie?"

C.C. "This tie has video games on it. Sometimes you can win money on these
video games. Pretty neat-o, huh?"

M.R. Yeah.

C.C. "Say, Mike, I've been thinking about trying out my new slogan for the
state of Iowa in my stump speech here today, what do you think about 'Lakes
of Opportunity!' ? Whoops, there's my dad John Culver former Senator from
Iowa pointing at his watch... I gotta go talk now, BYE."

Special thanks to Mike Raker, Chief Political News Correspondent for getting
the dirt on this one.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Terrorism Has No Religion

It does, however have one particular religion is seems to mostly operate in. The following is an example of an ad being run in Arab countries. Strong, powerful, and conveys a wicked message. I particularly like the way its' shot in that Matrix-style slow-motion, stop action effect.

From Terrorism Has No Religion:



[H/T: Little Green Footballs]

Monday, October 16, 2006

John Kerry: The Gift That Keeps On Giving


Whenever there is a slow news day, rest assured an ultra liberal defeatocrat from Massachusetts will provide me with a little bit of angst. Not a whole lot mind, but enough for a new quick, crappy post. You're welcome...
"They tell us we're making progress in Iraq and that there is no civil war. That is a lie," he said. "It's immoral to lie about progress in that war in order to get through a news cycle or an election cycle."
I am actually little surprised lighting didn't strike Kerry when he made that statement. I personally like how he throws around morality, but has no problem using US troop deaths to gain a few seats in Congress. I might be able to stomach Kerry's rhetoric if he didn't have so much blood on his hands.
"That is a lie. North Korea's nuclear program was frozen under Bill Clinton. When George W. Bush turned his back on diplomacy, Kim Jong Il turned back to making bombs, and the world is less safe because a madman has the Bush bomb," he said.
The Clinton administration gave Kim Jong a mother bleepin' basketball signed by Michael Jordan! Don't you realize the diplomatic power of basketball? If the Democrats regain control of Congress, Tiger Woods signed golf balls for all rogue nations. Then we will have peace on earth. Ah...

Monday, October 09, 2006

It's Alive! Rise, Corn Beltway Boys, Rise!

It's moving day here on In A Word, as I have decided to form a three headed blog monster with a couple friend of mine [and yes I have more than two friends].

So, join us over at CornBeltwayBoys.com.

I will still update In A Word, just not regularly.

Friday, October 06, 2006

One Silent Cry

Years ago I wrote a short story entitled "One Silent Cry" about a friend of mine who committed suicide when I was a junior in high school. I was an aspiring writer at that time of writing ""One Silent Cry"and I considered it to be the best work had done up to that point in my life and quite possibly the best work I would ever do. The emotions were raw as was the scathing commentary on our society.

I had always believed "One Silent Cry" would be published, just not at the time I wrote it. It was meant for a different time and I wanted to polish the final draft. Even as an egotisical college student I understood I had written it with a youthful exuberance and for it to be truly great I needed to edit it when I was older. Usually when I write something I want the whole world to read it immediately, but this story was different. I promised myself it needed to be completed by the time I was 40 years old and then I filed it away; revisiting it a few times over the years to add and delete portions.

Then life happened.

I met and fell in love with the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We got married, had three kids, and started our own small business. The years have fallen away so quickly my personal promise to myself concerning "One Silent Cry" would quickly run out of time if I didn't start writing on it again. So, with my marriage extremely strong, the kids doing very well and the business finally starting to stabilize and make money I felt now was the time to finish "One Silent Cry."

Then a strange thing happened.

I can't find my manuscript. I had kept it in a Burgundy file with all my other writings from my college years. As an interesting side note, that binder also contained fake album covers for joke bands that my good friend Daren and I made during our teen years while living in Houston. The Pink Elephant's That Sniff Cocaine and their opus "It Takes Two To Tango, But Only One To Break Dance"...good times, damn good times. As I have told Daren before, we had the classic childhood experience and I kept those papers as a tribute to the good times we shared. It felt good to look at them from time to time and relive the old days.

However, I am still good friends with Daren so while things like The Pink Elephants albums are important to me that folder existed to hold "One Silent Cry." I had outlines for further story progressions, additional characters, a better ending, and of course my original draft. It also held a poem entitled "Via Satellite" by Jonathan Yeager my friend who committed suicide. I had always planned to break apart the poem and use it as a way to divide "One Silent Cry" into sections; a final tribute to Jon if you will.

I wrote the story about two years following Jon's death and on the eve of entering college to pursue a career in journalism and English. Jon sat next to me in my 11th grade creative writing class. He was years beyond the rest of us in the class and for some reason he latched on to me. Jon and I ran the class. He wrote dark, slice of life stuff and I wrote the more positive stuff, however without fail we always achieved the highest grades. We started hanging out together and my writings started to be more emotional and less an exercise in linguistics. As Jon mostly wrote poetry and I stayed in the realm of short stories, what happened to my development was a morphing of the two styles. I tried very hard to make my stories flow from one line to next, both in content and style. Gone was the lifeless prose and its' place was living expression of myself. Without ever knowing Jon, I am fairly sure this never would have happened.

Then Jon painted the interior of a 66' mustang with his own blood.

So, here I am sitting at the computer writing a blog post instead of finishing something I believe would have been truly special. I never treated the manuscript with the respect I probably should have. I always had a fairly descent idea where the folder was and there was comfort in knowing it was in the house. Now that it appears lost or buried in some unmarked box and lost in the confusion of our last move. I find myself with a severe case of remorse,while at the same time turing the house upside down.

I was way too careless. I know it sounds like I am over selling it, but I really believed it was going to be my "Catcher In The Rye." I could rewrite it, but...

Damn it.

Opportunity lost by being too fucking careless.

Fuck.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

The Sock Market Hits Rock Bottom In Iran

In an effort to make sure Iranian teenagers retain their pent up sexual frustrations, Iranian Supreme Leader Sayyid Ali Khameini had outlawed "deliberate masturbation." I am guessing it's hard to get a masturbating extremist to give up his life for the promise of 72 virgins, when he could just as soon grow old with a sock in one hand and a mouse in the other while surfing the internet.

And as a side note, what the hell is "deliberate masturbation?" Is indelibereate masturbation a problem in Iran?

"Sayid, what have I told you about masturbating at the dinner table?"

"Sorry, Dad I didn't even realize I was doing it..."

The Bastardization of The World Is Nearing Completion

First U2 and Hollywood publicity hounds Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt and now this...

It seems the cell phone craze has finally hit the rural areas of Africa. Why does the world keep crapping on Africa?

Of course, as elsewhere in the world, txt messages are all the rage with Swahili teens:

"r u starvin?"

"ur muthas a macaca"

George Lucas To Stop Making Movies


Well, yeah...

Anyone who has seen the Star Wars prequels knows all to well that Lucas stopped making movies decades ago.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Chet Culver's 10 Ideas

Chet came up with ten ideas one day and you can count them on one hand...



What are the ideas you ask? Well let me count them down for you:

11. Have an idea about having an idea to have a campaign speech about having 10 ideas.
7. Give numerous speeches about having 10 ideas.
45. Talk about how Jim Nussle has never mentioned having 10 ideas of his own.
3. Create a TV ad with the number 10 shown multiple times.

And finally.

0. I have two words for you: renewable toilet paper.

Fair and Balanced


It seems FOX News "accidentally" mislabeled dirtbag, former congressman Mark Foley as a Democrat during one of its' broadcasts. It's an honest mistake anyone could make...

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Patty Judge Praises Chet Culver's Debate Performance

In A Word has intercepted a confidential letter from Patty Judge to Chet Culver. Let it be known that I do have "my sources" when it counts...





Hello Chet, Welcome to the Nick Jr Website.
You've received a special message from Patty Judge.

An Interview With Chet Culver's Emphatic Debate Fist Pt. III


As the smoke clears from the battlefield after the first Nussle/Culver gubernatorial debate, In A Word had an opportunity to speak with Chet Culvers right hand man...er...hand.

In A Word: So, early reports indicate a virtual tie in the outcome of the debates. Is this good news for the Culver campaign, as it is generally accepted that he does not have very strong public speaking skills?

Chet Culver's Empathic Debate Fist: Lets just say it was a long night. Very long.

In A Word: Is that a hint of resignation in your voice?

Fist: Listen, I can only stress and emphasis the strong points and needless to say they were few and far between. You can't polish a turd.

In A Word: Fair enough but can you give examples?

Fist: Well, for instance when Chet was asked what his new state slogan would be, he answered "if I had to add one new slogan, I would say 'A Gold Mine of Opportunity.' What the hell? A gold mine of opportunity? I was stunned and to be honest I wasn't exactly sure Chet knew that he was running for the governor of Iowa and not California.

In A Word: Don't you think he was using "a gold mine of opportunity" as a metaphor for the great amount of promise in Iowa's future? Maybe even alluding to the golden looking fields during the harvest season...

Fist: ...

Fist: Do you realize Chet isn't all that deep right?

Monday, October 02, 2006

Time To Buy The Donuts

It seems pro-illegal immigration groups are calling for the boycott of Dunkin' Donuts and other places like Applebees, because those businesses will not hire immigrants whose names do not match their Social Security numbers.
"It looks to me like its racism," said Emma Lozano, Pueblo Sin Fronteras.
Yes, clearly matching names to a nine digit Social Security number is one of the most rampant forms of racism in America.

Just so you understand the lunacy, those calling for the boycott are upset at Dunkin' Donuts for not breaking the law.

So, do your civic duty and support Applebees and Dunkin' Donut. Eat in the name of patriotism.

Chavez Says He Has White House Informant

Venezuela President Hugo Chavez said Sunday he has received warnings from within the White House that the Bush administration is plotting to assassinate him or topple his left-leaning government. [well, yeah...like duh]
I am guessing Chavez's "deep throat" is NBC's David Gregory...

Women Arrested For Hamster Neglect

Police arrested a woman for neglecting hamsters at her home after her roommate called authorities.
Richard Gere was unavailable for comment...

Inside The Jihad

It seems the Democratic manifesto will finally see the publishing light of day...
Basic Books says it will soon publish what it calls the first inside account of life as an Al Qaeda operative.
But promoting “Inside the Jihad” will be tricky. “It will not be a traditional book tour,” said David Steinberger, the chief executive of the Perseus Books Group, whose imprints include Basic Books, Da Capo Press and Running Press, among others. “There will be no author signings and no Oprah appearances and no morning shows.”
No Oprah appearances? It seems to me this book would be perfect for Oprah...no real author, facts that can not be substantiated, and it's about al-Qaeda so it should be a veritable who's who of Oprah's next sexiest men list.

Not That Anyone Ever Stepped Foot On The Moon Anyway

35 years later...NASA [with a little help from Peter Shann Ford, computer and space nerd], have proven what Neil Armstrong really said when he first stepped foot on the Moon:
Mr Armstrong has long insisted that he meant to say "“one small step for a man . . ."— which would have been a more meaningful and grammatically correct version, free of tautology. But even the astronaut himself could not be sure.

"Damn, I really did it. I blew the first words on the Moon, didn't I?"” he is reported to have asked officials later, amid uncertainty as to whether he had blown the moment or simply been drowned out by static interference as his words were relayed 250,000 miles back to Earth.

Now, after almost four decades, the spaceman has been vindicated. Using high-tech sound analysis techniques, an Australian computer expert has rediscovered the missing "a" in Mr Armstrong'’s famous quote. Peter Shann Ford ran the Nasa recording through sound-editing software and clearly picked up an acoustic wave from the word "a," finding that Mr Armstrong spoke it at a rate of 35 milliseconds or— ten times too fast for it to be audible.
To be completely honest though, it should be noted that NASA used the three second delay from the Moon to delete Armstrong's very first words: "Holy Shit!"

Friday, September 29, 2006

Must Be That Time Of The Month Again...

Seems Aunite Blow has arrived just in time for Ramadan.

Ramadan is the blessed and holiest month for the religion of peace; with prayers, fasting, self-accountability and charity.

Well that, and taking a vest filled with explosives and killing innocent people...

I Was Once Like...You Know...Kinda Cool

I don't know when it happened, but it has become abundantly clear that I am no longer "cool." I am not saying I ever hung with the hip "in" crowd, but I used to have this "air" about me that radiated a certain cooliness. But, alas even that faint wisp of keen-o-neatness has apparently left me. Please observe my activities from last night:
  • Went home from work and checked my blog traffic and inbox. I got more spam than hits and emails.
  • Changed a poopy diaper and made words that I should have stopped saying 32 years ago to get my six month old son to smile his toothless grin at me.
  • Watched Throwdown with Bobby Flay on the Food Channel.
I have succumbed to watching the culinary version of the WWF between two men trying to make the best clam cowder? For crying out loud man, they were trashing talking over a spatula! And the worst part? I am laughing and enjoying myself. Oh, the humanity...

Is this what my life must become...another Jaques?

God, why have you forsaken me?

Like A Junkie Who Can't Put Down The Crack Pipe

This past week has been a conservative blogger's cornucopia of Clinton sound bites; the horn of plenty just keeps blowing. During a speech in the United Kingdom, Clinton called for understanding:
AND in a damning indictment of George Bush and his quickness to identify enemies, he urged understanding even for someone as vilified as the holocaust-denier, Iranian President Ahmadinejad.
An understanding of Ahmadinejad? I am getting this weird feeling of Deja vu...where have I seen this type of "appeasement" before?

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Clinton Still In Attack Mode

It amazes me what this guy will do for a few votes...

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Brownie Break In

Having a severe case of the munchies, two people break into a Domino's Pizza store to steal their new "oven baked Brownie Squares." Of course, the Smoking Gun was there...

SEPTEMBER 26--Meet Alex Sawyer and Andrew Wilkins. The North Carolina couple was arrested earlier this month after an apparent case of the munchies led them to break into a Domino's Pizza branch and bake up a batch of the fast food chain's new brownies. The pair was nabbed at 5:30 AM on September 7 after a Stallings Police Department officer noticed a suspicious car--with keys in its ignition and a warm engine--parked outside a small strip mall. When Sawyer and Wilkins noticed police on the scene, they fled out the Domino's front door and were apprehended after a short chase, said Sergeant Mike Kane. Sawyer, a 21-year-old hair stylist, and Wilkins, a 20-year-old carpet cleaner, were arrested and later charged with breaking and entering and larceny, both felonies. Additionally (and not surprisingly), Sawyer was found carrying a marijuana pipe, for which she was hit with a misdemeanor possession of drug paraphernalia count. Kane told TSG that when he entered the Domino's, he discovered that the establishment's ovens were on and a box of brownies had been freshly baked. Investigators determined that Wilkins had previously worked at the Domino's and was fired for allegedly stealing a cash box. Kane said that Wilkins told him that he went to the closed store to return a set of keys and was not there to steal anything. Though Wilkins did acknowledge the pre-dawn baking: "I was just making food, I was hungry." Police recovered the brownies, valued at $5, and found no evidence that anything had been taken from the eatery. At the time of the duo's arrest, Kane had not yet had the opportunity to taste the Domino's Brownie Squares, which were added to the chain's menu in late-August. He subsequently tried out the dessert, which boasts a "warm, chocolaty center," and pronounced them "killer."

November Elections Mean Lower Gas Prices...

Gas in down to $1.80 a gallon in parts of Missouri.

However, in all fairness, the demand in Missouri is way down as most of their cars are raised up on concrete blocksand sitting in their front yards. I mean there really isn't a need for transportation when the government delivers your welfare check to your mailbox anyway. Besides you don't have to travel far to visit your family, chances are you sleep next to your cousin every night.

This Damn Bush Economy...

Stocks rise, Dow near record level.

Mark my words, the press will be pushing stories tomorrow about the housing market being soft, unemployment not being completely eradicated, and the consumer confidence index being too high so a market correction must be on the way. Or...or...I bet the federal deficit gets brought up too.

Huh, slam a few planes into our symbols of American capitalism and literally destroy certain parts of our the business sectors. But dang it if Americans don't strap it on tighter and work harder and take this economy to levels higher than the famed "Clinton economy."

Damn tax cuts away...

Saved By The Smell

Just when I think society can degrade no further, I am proven wrong...

Dustin Diamond [Screech, of Save By The Bell "fame"] reportedly has a new sex tape that is being shopped around for a distributor.
He may have played nerdy eighth-grader Samuel (Screech) Powers in the sitcom "Saved by the Bell." But former TV geek Dustin Diamond can now take his place with Colin Farrell, Tommy Lee and Kid Rock as the star of his very own sex tape.

Everyone who remembers Diamond as a lovable putz is in for a shock once they see a 40-minute video in which he engages in a kinky three-way with two women, sources tell us.
Now I know what you are thinking: "Jordan, I agree that seeing Screech bang two women at the same time isn't exactly something I would care to see, but I am afraid I don't understand your attack on the American society and morals."

Well, dear reader(s) Dustin allegedly pulls off a maneuver called the "dirty Sanchez." Now I don't know about the rest of you, but I have been severely turned on before while having sex. However, I have never [NEVER] thought to myself during sex: "mmmhmm, this is good, but you know what would make it even better...what if I reached around and poked my finger way up my butt and pull out some poo...then I'll take that poo and make a fake moustache."

Call me an uptight conservative if you will, but I think I'll pass...wait that might have been the wrong word to use.

Give Me A Break Pt. IV - Just When You Think It's Over, Hillary Speaks

Not content with seeing her husband destroy any chance she had a Presidential run - a job she likes to keep all to herself, Hillary Clinton took to defending her husband's failed policy on terrorism.
"I think my husband did a great job in demonstrating that Democrats are not going to take these attacks," Hillary Clinton said. "I'm certain that if my husband and his national security team had been shown a classified report entitled 'Bin Laden Determined To Attack Inside the United States' he would have taken it more seriously than history suggests it was taken by our current president and his national security team."
Lets quickly review the terrorist attacks during the Clinton administration:
  • 1993 World Trade Center bombing
  • 1995 Saudi Araba bombing that killed military personnel
  • 1996 al-Khobar towers bombing in Saudi Arabia killing 19 and injuring 200 military personnel
  • 1998 bombing of US embassies in Africa killing 257 and injuring 5000
  • 2000 bombing of the USS Cole killing 17 service men
While none of those terrorist actions elicited an response from her husband, President Clinton, Hillary would like us to believe if he received the same 'Bin Laden Determined To Attack Inside the United States' memo as Bush as would have done something.

A fucking memo would have got Clinton to act, but countless deaths wouldn't? Give me a break.

Of course, Hillary takes to the airwaves and found the closest microphone on the heels of Condoleezza Rice's counterattacks on her husband. The irony is that Rice tried to calm the rhetoric with this quote of ice cold honesty:

"When are we going to stop blaming ourselves for the rise of terrorism?"

Well, certainly not when it's an election year...

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Give Me A Break Pt. III - Clinton Can't Run Fast Enough From The Truth

Michael Scheuer, former a chief on the Osama Bin Laden Unit at the Counter Terrorism Center from 1996-1999 during the Clinton administration had this to say about former President Clinton's eruption on Fox News this past Sunday [taken from an interview on CBS's Early Show with Harry Smith]:
Harry Smith: "Let's talk about what President Clinton had to say on Fox yesterday. He basically laid blame at the feet of the CIA and the FBI for not being able to certify or verify that Osama bin Laden was responsible for a number of different attacks. Does that ring true to you?"

Michael Scheuer: "No, sir, I don't think so. The president seems to be able, the former president seems to be able to deny facts with impugnity. Bin Laden is alive today because Mr. Clinton, Mr. Sandy Berger, and Mr. Richard Clarke refused to kill him. That's the bottom line. And every time he says what he said to Chris Wallace on Fox, he defames the CIA especially, and the men and women who risk their lives to give his administration repeated chances to kill bin Laden."

Harry Smith [watch as he changes the focus back to the Bush Administration]: "All right, is the Bush administration any less responsible for not finishing the job in Tora Bora?"

Michael Scheuer: "Oh, I think there's plenty of blame to go around, sir, but the fact of the matter is that the Bush Administration had one chance that they botched, and the Clinton Administration had eight to ten chances that they refused to try..."

"...But it's just, it's an incredible kind of situation for the American people over the weekend to hear their former president mislead them."
And finally Harry Smith ended the conversation with this statement, clearly frustrated that Scheuer was pissing on the Clinton legacy: "And, and, and with this also further revelation that, in fact, the war in Iraq has only exacerbated the terrorist situation."

Never mind that Smith's final statement dealt with a new report claiming the Iraq war has helped al-Qaeda recruit new members and had nothing to do with what Scheuer was talking about. But that not the point now is it...?

Harry Smith just wanted to leave the viewers with one more passing thought...it's Bush's fault.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Give Me A Break Pt. II - Further Thoughts


As I thought about former President Clinton's [pictured] assertion that President Bush should have done more in eight months to stop 9/11 than Clinton should have done in eight years, something dawned on me.
If catching Bin Laden and terrorism was such a huge priority to the Clinton administration, then why didn't Vice President Al Gore campaign on it?

History shows us Clinton's response to every terrorist attack during his term was pacifism [with the exception of a few missile lobed into Crapastan].

To me this illustrates why I love President Bush as a Commander in Chief over an opinion poll whore like President Clinton, because even though his policies are unpopular Bush sticks by them.
"Now if you want to criticize me for one thing, you can criticize me for this: after the Cole, I had battle plans drawn to go into Afghanistan, overthrow the Taliban and launch a full-scale attack search for bin Laden. But we needed basing rights in Uzbekistan -- which we got after 9/11" former President Clinton
No basing rights in Uzbekistan? That's all it took to stop Clinton from killing Bin Laden? He got to be joking right?

Oh and one more thing, Clinton tries to use former terrorist advisor, Richard Clarke's book Against All Enemies, as proof of the administrations tireless assault on Bin Laden. Let's just see what Mr. Clarke had to say about that [keeping in mind Clinton's assertion that the incoming administration was not as focused on Bin Laden as the Great Clinton]:
And in January 2001, the incoming Bush administration was briefed on the existing strategy. They were also briefed on these series of issues that had not been decided on in a couple of years.

And the third point is the Bush administration decided then, you know, in late January, to do two things. One, vigorously pursue the existing policy, including all of the lethal covert action findings, which we've now made public to some extent.

There was never a plan in the Clinton administration to use ground forces. The military was asked at a couple of points in the Clinton administration to think about it. Um, and they always came back and said it was not a good idea. There was never a plan to do that.
You can't hide from the truth.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Give Me A Break

Former President Clinton said:
"But at least I tried. That's the difference in me and some, including all of the right-wingers who are attacking me now...They had eight months to try, they did not try. I tried. So I tried and failed."
Lets see...

Bush had eight months to capture and stop Bin Laden and Clinton had eight years and a ton of terrorist attacks to provoke a response, yet he did nothing. Damn those "right-wingers" like ABC and the 9/11 Commission and their constant attacks to screw with Clinton's legacy. Why won't they just let him rewrite history?

Clinton went on to say "he did not have sexual relations with Bin...."

Oh, wait wrong excuse...my bad.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Arizona 9/11 Memorial [Sponsored By Moveon.org]

The Espresso Pundit has a great post outlining everything that is wrong about the new 9/11 memorial in Arizona that their Gov. Napolitano called "unique, bold, educational and unforgettable."

The memorial is a giant ring with words cut into the metal that when the sun shines on it at different angles projects those words on the ground below. What kind of honorable quotes are there to immortalize the bravery shown by those that died on 9/11?
07/01/02 Erroneous US air strike kills 46 Uruzgan civilians

06/03/02 Congress questions why CIA & FBI didn't prevent the attacks

Violent act leading US to war 05/07/1915, 12/07/1941, 08/04/1964, 09/11/2001
Espresso Pundit explains the 1964 date:
Then the last date dawned on me. My gosh, it's the attack in the Gulf of Tonkin in August of 1964. Why is that significant? Because it's the fictionalized event that Lyndon Johnson used as an excuse to trick Congress into supporting the Vietnam War. You know...just like this time.
The left is desperate to compare Iraq to Vietnam, but do they really want to trivialize 9/11 by comparing it to Tonkin? That's the implied message. Johnson was a liar; Vietnam was a quagmire. Bush...well, you fill in the rest.
The memorial is a permanent monument to the left's perceived failures of the Bush administration.
As the Espresso Pundit states so well: "Is this the way we want 9/11 remembered?"

Funny Because It's True

Usually I hate email forwards and I generally delete them out of habit, but for some reason I read one of them today. I am glad I did as it contained this joke:
A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once
Upon A Time?" He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that
begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"

Monday, September 18, 2006

Nun Killed To Show Tolerance

To prove to the world how tolerant the religion of Islam is, a gunman shot and killed a nun in retaliation to a speech by Pope Benedict XVI.

Then Anjem Choudary, a one man walking Muslim freakshow, declared that the Pope must die for insulting the prophet Mohammad.
"The Muslims take their religion very seriously and non-Muslims must appreciate that and that must also understand that there may be serious consequences if you insult Islam and the prophet. Whoever insults the message of Mohammed is going to be subject to capital punishment."
Well that makes sense...

Wait, no it doesn't.

Oh yeah, and leaving Iraq will make all of this go away.

Wait, no it won't.

Friday, September 15, 2006

The Popenator

Pope Benedict XVI made a couple of passing remarks towards Islam and on cue the Muslim community is acting like he drew a cartoon picture of Mohammad. Without a doubt the biggest knee jerk reaction was from the Pakistani Foreign Ministry spokeswomen, Tasnim Aslam:
"Anyone who describes Islam as a religion as intolerant encourages violence," Tasnim Aslam said.
Just so you understand Aslam's statement: Islam is tolerant, so tolerant in fact that they are incited to violence by mere words in a speech. Flush a Koran down a toilet and people die. Draw a picture of Mohammad and people die.

Yes, death and violence truly define the word tolerance. And as everyone knows, Islam is all about tolerance...well at least the death and violence part.

Defiling the Most Holiest of Shrines

Curse you, John Kerry, curse you.

Is it not bad enough you invade my state while making campaign promises you don't intend to keep, but now you are going to tailgate during the Iowa/Iowa State game? For the love of all things holy, why? Why do you hate me so, Mr. Kerry?

Why must you interject politics into our annual football civil war? Is it too much to ask that I might be able to hate the Hawkeye fans while not having to deal with a failed Democratic Presidential candidate at the same time? I do not like mixing my football with my politics. Do I show up at your Harvard/Yale games?

Although I will admit kicking back a few beers while tailgating would make Kerry a little more palatable. I can only guess John is bring the ketchup for the brats...

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Nintendo Wii Release Date



It seems I have roughly a little over two months to say goodbye to my wife and kids, as Nintendo's next home console, gaming system [Wii] hits stores on the November 19th. It has been about a year since I started blogging and if there is one area of my life that has suffered, it would be how much I have neglected my obsession to video games. However, to be honest it started to seem like every new games was merely a knock off of a better game I played in the past. Nintendo is at least trying to interject a new way to play video games with the Wii.

The controller for the Wii looks like a remote control for a TV. To manipulate the movement on the screen all you need to do is move the Wiimote around in the air. Want to swing a sword? Slash with the Wiimote. Want to fire a gun? Hold the Wiimote like a rifle and fire away. Want to strife while you shoot? Just slightly tilt the Wiimote to the side. Flip the Wiimote on its' side and you can use it like a steering wheel. You could fish with it. In fact, the possibilities at this point seem endless.

Here is a link to ign.com for some wicked game play videos. Here, here, here and here.

While the Wii is only a twice as powerful as Nintendo's current Gamecube, I have found graphics aren't everything. Oh, I am a graphics whore, but I need to be engaged and with the current state of video game, I can't say when the last time I wanted to play a game was.

So, I know you are asking yourself: where the hell is the political rant for the day? Sorry, guys I have to get the political stink off my hands for at least a few hours. I felt my sanity starting to drain away.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Enough!

WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT
While I usually try to follow a no cuss word rule on my blog, with the exception of an occasional outburst, today I am taking the filters off. If the words of a drunken sailor just returning to port after 6 months on the open seas offends you, skip this post. Also, please note this is not going to be a well thought out post, but this is my blog and I needed a release. This is off the cuff and raw [for me] take it for what it's worth...

I have fucking had it with the way the Democrats cry politics every time President Bush uses the member of 9/11 to justify his policies and decisions.
"This was a political move, designed to tap the overwhelming public sentiment to destroy al-Qaida as a way to bolster sagging public support for the war in Iraq." Harry Reid, Dumbass Senator from Nevada.
Well fuck Harry, God forbid we "tap the public sentiment to destroy al-Qaida." If I read Harry's comments correctly, am I to understand he believes Bush doesn't want to actually defeat al-Quaida, just use the images and ghosts of 9/11 to bolster some worthless public opinion polls that the Democratic party whores themselves to each day? Get a fucking clue. Jesus, the President says we need to destroy al-Qaida and the Democrats have a tizzy fit.
"There has been a complete absence of balance in the news coverage of national security issues," they wrote." Knob Nancy Pelosi in a letter sent out of media channels.
Hey Nancy, maybe if you had a plan that went a tad deeper than "pull out of Iraq by December" then maybe we could get some "balance."
"It is long past time for Republicans to be honest with American people and stop questioning the patriotism of those who recognize that the president's Iraq policy has not worked, is making us less safe and must be changed." Nancy Pelosi again
Less safe? Did I miss something in the last five years? Was there another terrorist attack on America soil that I missed? No? Then fucking prove it Nancy. Fucking prove we are less safe. Just because there are terrorist attacks in Iraq doesn't mean we are less safe here in America. Maybe Nancy could trot out the old "Arabs hate America even more now since we invaded Iraq." Hate us more than using airplanes as missiles to kill 3,000 people? Give me a fucking break.
"Rather than try to defend their own failed record, Republicans have resorted to the desperation politics of fear." wow Pelosi again, it seems she can spin this shit all day.
Ah, the old "politics of fear." Of course, it isn't fear when the Democrats say we "are less safe today." Nooooooo. Just so we are clear, when the Democrats start claiming Bush is politicizing 9/11 they are ironically doing the same thing.

And so concludes my rambling post for the day.

Until later let me add this one last comment to the Democratic party:

"Shut the fuck up." Just because the cameras are on and the microphones are live doesn't mean your pie hole has to be open and bashing the President. Think before you speak.

Of course, one should think before they blog too...

Monday, September 11, 2006

9/11 Never Forget


I am not the one to write a tribute for all the heroes from September 11th, because I don't hold the right words nor could I possibly express the right sentiment. But know this, I will never forget the brave men and women that fought back in the first battles of the war on terror.

United flight 93, is my example of American determination when we know what is on the line. The passengers on the other planes were merely doing what they thought would get them on the ground safety. However, when flight 93 found out the planes were being used as missiles, they rose up and fought back.

While the images of the World Trade Center towers falling are chilling and heartbreaking, imagine the psychological effect of seeing the White House or the US Capitol in flames? There are no shortage of heros from 9/11, but I choose to honor the passengers of United flight 93 on my blog today.

I only hope I could be as brave in the face of such danger. Your courage will never be forgotten. Never.

United flight 93 Crew:
Jason Dahl
Leroy Homer
Lorraine Bay
Sandra Bradshaw
Wanda Green
Cee Cee Lyles
Deborah Welsh

United flight 93 Passengers:
Christian Adams
Todd Beamer
Alan Beaven
Mark Bingham
Deora Bodley
Marion Britton
Thomas E. Burnett, Jr.
William Cashmen
Georgian Corrigan
Joseph Deluca
Patrick Discoll
Edward Felt
Colleen Fraser
Andrew Gracia
Jeremy Glick
Lauren Grandcolas
Donald F. Green
Laura Gronlund
Richard Guadagno
Toshiya Kuge
Waleska Martinez
Nicole Miller
Mark Rothenberg
Christine Snyder
John Talignani
Honor Wainio

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Cyclones and Hawkeyes

Here are a couple of examples that show the difference between Iowa Hawkeye announcers and Iowa State Cyclones announcers calling a simple draw play that nets a two yard gain up the middle.

If you are listening to the Cyclones play you will hear this:
"Meyer turns and hands off to Stevie Hicks, he's met at the line, but with a strong second effort he is able to get two yards yards beyond the line of scrimmage."

Now, if you are listening to the Hawkeyes make the same play you will hear this:
"Heisman front-runner, Drew Tate, is audiblizing at the line and changes the play. He obviously sees a weakness in the defense and is changing the play to exploit that weakness. Tate receives the snap cleanly and gracefully, but stealthily hands the ball off to underrated running back, Albert Young. Young jukes left and then purposely falls 8 yards short of the first down. What a brilliant display of field vision and poise, all started with the smart decision making of Drew Tate. So, that leaves the Hawks a short 3rd and 8..."

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Oil Falls To Lowest Price In Five Months

Can you say "November elections?"
Oil prices fell to their lowest level in five months on Thursday after a larger-than-expected build in U.S. distillate and gasoline stocks.

Oil has slumped more than 7 percent in two weeks as the end of the U.S. driving season and a perception of easing geopolitical and weather risks prompted traders to re-assess fundamentals. [Reuters]

Now remembering back to my college day(s), that sounds a lot like...what's the term I am looking for...?

Supply and elections...demand and recount...PAC and Soft money...?

Never mind, I don't think there is any logical way to describe the falling gas prices other than Bush is behind it somehow.

I plan to take a long winding car ride this weekend to celebrate. Hell, I might just randomly dump some gas on the ground because the gas price has gotten so low.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Why Does The Corn In Iowa Lean To The West? Because Nebraska Sucks Pt. II

In an effort to get into the Guinness Book of World Record organizers in Alliance, Nebraska played a 30 hour, 84 inning baseball game.

While it should be long enough to break the old record of 25 hours, set previously in Canada; it is still 2 1/2 hours short of the time it takes to drive across the state of Nebraska.

A New Contract With America

Newt Gingrich has outlined 11 ways to "say we're not Nancy Pelosi:"

  • Make English the official language of the government
  • Control the borders
  • Keep God in the Pledge
  • Require Voter ID card
  • Repeal Death tax for good
  • Restore property rights
  • Achieve sustainable eneryg independence
  • Control spending and balance the budget
  • Defend America for the irreconcilable wing of Islam
  • Focus on Iran and North Korea
For the most part this is a great list of ideas and I believe me I am all for any agenda that keeps Nancy Pelosi out of power. However, while these eleven bullet points are a good start I am advocating another prequist for joining and representing the Republican party. Each member of congress must reach down between their legs and see if they still have any balls to stand up to the lunatic left.

Now I understand that for some female Republicans this requirement may be a tad unfair, but if they can show they know how to give a descent bitch slap, then that would be a good enough for me too.