Sunday, June 04, 2006

In A Word Exclusive: The Democratic Agenda Revealed!


From the desk of the DNC Chairman

Sensitive information not meant for wide release

Dear Distinguished Democrats,

After years of being adrift with no real purpose or direction as a political party, I am proud to present the Democratic agenda for 2006 and beyond:

And Finally,

Respectfully yours,

Howard Dean

Democratic National Committee Chairman

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Ahmadinejad In 2008

The letter sent by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to US President George Bush was initially viewed as an outreach of diplomacy. However, news sources out of Washington are now claiming the letter the White House received was due to a mix up at the post office. It seems the letter President Bush received was actually intended to announce and file Mr. Ahmadinejad’s declaration of candidacy to run for the Democratic US Presidential ticket in 2008.

“It was a small clerical mistake and just another example of the mishandling of the US government under the Bush administration,” Iranian spokesman, Gholam-Hossein Elham, said in an interview with NBC’s The Today Show on Wednesday morning. “Through our efforts the letters have been sorted and redelivered to their proper destinations. Praise Allah.”

Ahmadinejad’s announcement of candidacy for Presidency of the United States did not come as a surprise to most of the senior ranking Democrats. Senators Feinstein (D-CA) and Kennedy (D-MA) expressed guarded optimism and said they would withhold their opinion on Ahmadinejad’s Presidential run until they learn more about his stance on other issues.

“Clearly the distinguished gentleman from Tehran has expressed all the right liberal talking points, specifically his feelings on the war in Iraq; but it remains to be seen if he really can accomplish his lofty goals of Jewish annihilation,” stated both Feinstein and Kennedy in a joint news release. “Anyone can make strong anti-Semitic campaign promises, but the real question remains: can he back it up?”

The mix up in letters reportedly sent a panic through the DNC headquarters and its’ Chairman Howard Dean.

“When you get a letter outlining the destruction of the Jewish, the nuking of Israel off the face of the earth and the denial of the Holocaust, it is a little disturbing,” Howard Dean said through a statement in the New York Times. “You really hate to see a candidate show their hand so soon; you generally like to leave that sort of rhetoric for the final days before the primary and caucus elections.”

Speaking in Berkeley, CA during a gathering of college professors discussing the negative effects of democracy on the world, DNC hopeful Ahmadinejad outlined his agenda, while specifically targeting President Bush:

"Would not your administration's political and economic standing have been stronger?" Ahmadinejad asserted, making reference to the waste of billions of dollars being spent on the Iraqi war, "And I am most sorry to say, would there have been an ever- increasing global hatred of the American government?

Ahmadinejad continued, "Lies were told in the Iraqi matter. What was the result? I have no doubt that telling lies is reprehensible in any culture, and you do not like to be lied to. How much longer will the blood of the innocent men, women and children be spilled on the streets, and people's houses destroyed over their heads? Are you pleased with the current condition of the world? Do you think present policies can continue?"

Iowa Senator Tom Harkin and his keen sense for predicting the outcome of Presidential elections had this to say:

“Ahmadinejad seems to really embrace and exude the very essence of what it means to be a modern Democrat. For instance, I really identify with his statement: ‘liberalism and Western-style democracy have not been able to help realize the ideals of humanity. Today these two concepts have failed. Those with insight can already hear the sounds of the shattering and fall of the ideology and thoughts of the liberal democratic systems,’” Harkin said admiringly. “It is refreshing to finally see a true follower of the Democratic principles come out and take such a definitive stance.”