Saturday, March 31, 2007

NEWS FLASH: Ex-Partner Of Giuliani May Face Charges

It's getting deep, so might I suggest a pair of boots....
Federal prosecutors have told Bernard B. Kerik, whose nomination as homeland security secretary in 2004 ended in scandal, that he is likely to be charged with several felonies, including tax evasion and conspiracy to commit wiretapping.

Kerik's indictment could set the stage for a courtroom battle that would draw attention to Kerik's extensive business and political dealings with former New York mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, who personally recommended him to President Bush for the Cabinet. Giuliani, the front-runner for the 2008 Republican presidential nomination according to most polls, later called the recommendation a mistake.

The former mayor is not in any legal jeopardy, according to legal sources directly familiar with the investigation, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the inquiry is ongoing. He and his consulting firm have cooperated in the FBI's long-running investigation of Kerik.

Last night, Giuliani's office declined to comment on Kerik, instead referring a reporter to remarks the former mayor made earlier this week in Teaneck, N.J. "I hope, when people evaluate me, they evaluate the things that I think I did that were wrong and that were mistakes and the things that I did that were right, and I think the public record has been one largely of great success," Giuliani said then.
I personally like how the article isn't really about Kerik, so much as it's about Kerik AND GIULIANI,

So Kerik is being investigated for income tax evasion and somehow this is related to Giuliani's Presidential candidacy? I mean unless, Rudy personally filled out Kerik's 1040, I am at a loss as to how this relates...

Although I put the passage in bold text, I would like everyone to reread the last Giuliani quote from the article:
"I hope, when people evaluate me, they evaluate the things that I think I did that were wrong and that were mistakes and the things that I did that were right, and I think the public record has been one largely of great success"
One of the reasons I like Giuliani is his ability to admit his mistakes and the fact that he doesn't hide from them. You want to find the dirt on Giuliani? Go ask him...he'll hand you the shovel.

UN Resolution Dropped On Iran

New York [CBB] - As tensions continue to mount over the Iranian capture of 15 British sailors and marines, Prime Minister Tony Blair announced the British had escalated the situation.
At 6:45 AM [EST] a squadron of British and US lawyers descended on the United Nations headquarters in New York delivering a resolution calling for sanctions against Iran.

"If they do not accept our terms they may expect a rain of strongly worded briefs from our legal department the likes of which has never been seen on this Earth," Blair said during a morning press conference.

The White House confirmed Blair's statements, adding that British and US coalition team of writers and legal assistants had been secretly crafting the 500 page document at a military base in Los Alamos, New Mexico. US officials stated that resolution produces 500 times the preambulatory clauses and operative clauses of a normal UN resolution and was code named "Little Book."

International response to the resolution was meant with widespread condemnation. World leaders are calling the US and British governments to exercise restraint while appealing to Blair and President Bush to tone down the combative rhetoric.

"Untold man hours will be required to read through this document as there are no pictures," French President Jacques Chirac said, "this indiscriminate destruction of diplomatic free time while not be tolerated."

Causalities and fallout from the resolution remain sketchy, but the UN staffers have confirmed at least one paper cut and a case of carpel tunnel.

NEWS FLASH: Giuliani's Wife Won't Be A Cabinet Member

Because overreacting and putting words in people's mouths is so chic now...
Republican presidential contender Rudy Giuliani said Friday his wife will not be a member of his Cabinet or attend most high-level meetings as he sought to clarify his previous statements suggesting she would play a significant role in his administration

Late Friday, the Giuliani campaign issued a statement in which the former New York City mayor suggested that would not be the case.

"Obviously, she will not be a Cabinet member or attend most Cabinet meetings — if any. But she will pursue a campaign to educate Americans on preventing illness and promoting overall health."

In the statement, the former mayor sought to play down his own remarks and suggested any discussion of a policy role for his wife was merely prompted by Walters' questioning.

"Judith and I got a good laugh after we heard that she would be a member of the Cabinet, especially after she made it clear in the interview with Barbara Walters that she is not particularly interested in politics or policy," he said. "Like most couples, we rely on each other and support each other, but we have different interests. My interest is in politics and deciding policy. Judith is a nurse. Her interest is in educating people on how to stay healthy."

n 1990s, first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton played a prominent role in her husband's administration, including a failed effort on health care reform. Her policy efforts created some problems for the couple.
Hillary's failed health care reform created "some problems" for the couple? Did anyone else laugh at that line? To be honest, I could care less about the Giuliani story, but I thought the Clinton line was so comical that I had to quote it.

Some problems...stop you're slaying me.

And have I mentioned how much fun it is being a cut and paste blogger?

Friday, March 30, 2007

NEWS FLASH: Rudy Giuliani Solely Responsible For 9/11 Firefighter Deaths

From the Washington Post:
Giuliani, the leader in polls of Republican voters for his party's nomination, has been faulted on two major issues:

_ His administration's failure to provide the World Trade Center's first responders with adequate radios, a long-standing complaint from relatives of the firefighters killed when the twin towers collapsed. The Sept. 11 Commission noted the firefighters at the World Trade Center were using the same ineffective radios employed by the first responders to the 1993 terrorist attack on the trade center.

Regenhard, at a 2004 commission hearing in Manhattan, screamed at Giuliani, "My son was murdered because of your incompetence!" The hearing was a perfect example of the 9/11 duality: Commission members universally praised Giuliani at the same event.

_ A November 2001 decision to step up removal of the massive rubble pile at ground zero. The firefighters were angered when the then-mayor reduced their numbers among the group searching for remains of their lost "brothers," focusing instead on what they derided as a "scoop and dump" approach. Giuliani agreed to increase the number of firefighters at ground zero just days after ordering the cutback.

More than 5 1/2 years later, body parts are still turning up in the trade center site.
Everyone knows that Mayors are like dictators and apparently New York City doesn't have any sort of city council. I don't want to start any conspiracy theories, but maybe Rudy and Bush plotted 9/11 for political gain.

Hear me out...hear me out...

Bush and Giuliani meet and discuss how they need a catastrophic event so Bush can invade Iraq, but also provide a situation where Giuliani can show great leadership to use a springboard to succeed Bush as President. Bush promises to handle all the details, save one...Giuliani is to provide inadequate radios to the NYC firefighters.

It so brilliant in its' simplicity.

But they didn't account for one detail...unions.

You've Got To Be Kidding Me...

Copied and pasted straight from the Century of The No Common Sense Iowan:

Now tell me which party is the party of family values?



This is about as deep as the left gets. Hold up Edwards like some kind of champion because he can put his need for power above his wife's cancer, but don't forget to throw in a cheap shot at the right.

Time to remover the blinders, the jackass as run off the course.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

President Bush: Raw

Thank you, thank you...the President will be here all week. Please make sure you tip your wait staff...

Steve Forbes Joins Team Rudy as National Co-Chair and Senior Policy Advisor

I've always liked Steve Forbes, but I never really took him seriously a political candidate. However as a senior policy advisor to Giuliani is a perfect fit. Rudy has always been a spending hawk and with Forbes' background I expect Giuliani's economic plan for America to be far and away the most sound of any of the candidates. And Sam Brownback supporters...you can take the RINO acronym and shove it.
New York City – The Rudy Giuliani Presidential Exploratory Committee today announced that Steve Forbes, President and Chief Executive Officer of Forbes and Editor-in-Chief of Forbes magazine, has endorsed Rudy Giuliani for President of the United States. Mr. Forbes will serve as a National Campaign Co-Chair and Senior Policy Advisor.

"I am honored to support Rudy Giuliani for President," Steve Forbes said. "As Mayor of New York City, Rudy Giuliani showed how exercising fiscal discipline – including tax cuts – lowers deficits, spurs economic growth, and increases revenue. It is time the rest of the country benefit from a true fiscal conservative leader who gets real results."

"Steve and I share an economic vision that embraces supply-side economics, tax relief, and spending restraint," said Mayor Giuliani. "I look forward to working with Steve and am proud to have him as a member of our team."

About Steve Forbes:

Mr. Forbes is a distinguished leader in the business community. He is President and Chief Executive Officer of Forbes and Editor-in-Chief of Forbes magazine, and is also a frequent business commentator for Fox News Channel's "Forbes on Fox".

In 1985, President Reagan appointed Mr. Forbes as Chairman of the bi-partisan Board for International Broadcasting (BIB), where he directed the programming for Radio Free Europe and Radio Liberty. He was reappointed by President George H.W. Bush and served until 1993.

In 1996 and 2000, Mr. Forbes ran as a Republican candidate for president on a platform that advocated a flat income tax.

He is currently on the boards of The Ronald Reagan Presidential Foundation, the Heritage Foundation and The Foundation for the Defense of Democracies, and is the author of two books on political and economic policy issues.
I just got the chills; maybe it was the ghost of Reagan that just brushed up against me.

The Building Blocks of Socialism


Everything I needed to know in life, I learned by building communes with multi-colored interlocking blocks:
Some Seattle school children are being told to be skeptical of private property rights. This lesson is being taught by banning Legos.

A ban was initiated at the Hilltop Children's Center in Seattle. According to an article in the winter 2006-07 issue of "Rethinking Schools" magazine, the teachers at the private school wanted their students to learn that private property ownership is evil.
According to the article, the students had been building an elaborate "Legotown," but it was accidentally demolished. The teachers decided its destruction was an opportunity to explore "the inequities of private ownership." According to the teachers, "Our intention was to promote a contrasting set of values: collectivity, collaboration, resource-sharing, and full democratic participation."

The children were allegedly incorporating into Legotown "their assumptions about ownership and the social power it conveys." These assumptions "mirrored those of a class-based, capitalist society -- a society that we teachers believe to be unjust and oppressive."
Of course they believe it's unjust because someone has more than them. However if they held the deeds to all the land, I guessing their opinions might change. One of my favorite Doug Powers-isms is "as AL Gore’s copy of the liberal dictionary teaches us, “we” is always defined as “you, not me.” How true Doug, how true.
At the end of that time, Legos returned to the classroom after the children agreed to several guiding principles framed by the teachers, including that "All structures are public structures" and "All structures will be standard sizes." The teachers quote the children:

"A house is good because it is a community house."

"We should have equal houses. They should be standard sizes."

"It's important to have the same amount of power as other people over your building."
Unfortunately for the teachers at this private school, some capitalist pig's offspring somehow slipped through the venting process and supplied the best commentary on the whole situation:
Not all of the students shared the teachers' anathema to private property ownership. "If I buy it, I own it," one child is quoted saying.
H/T Doug Powers

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Iowa Brain Drain: Solved

For generations Iowa has been a great place to settle down and raise a family. Quiet towns, wonderful schools, and warm inviting people. However when the kids grow up and finish college a large majority of them leave the state for the promise of a better job or a bigger city. A problem to be sure, but the Des Moines Register and the Iowa State Senate have finally figured out a way to solve that age old problem...add sexual orientation to the state's civil rights code.
But it's also a matter of pragmatism. Rejecting the bill risks losing talented young professionals to the growing number of states that ban such discrimination, including neighboring Minnesota, Wisconsin and Illinois.
Now lets be clear, I am not against adding sexual orientation to the state's civil rights code, but I don't suppose we could keep a little perspective? The US Constitution has always been a simple document open to interpretation, and if you will allow me to cliche, a living document. Iowa's Constitution is kind of exact opposite, with verbiage for nearly every rule and transgression imaginable. So adding a few more words doesn't really matter to me.

However lets be realistic, this isn't going to stop anyone from leaving this state for Minnesota, Wisconsin and Illinois. Why, do you ask? Minneapolis, Chicago, and...um...Milwaukee. OK so maybe Milwaukee doesn't help my argument, but the point is that Iowa [whether the Register wishes to admit or not] will never be like our neighboring states. We aren't metropolitan and if it was, while we might have a more diverse population, a lot of other people would no longer live here. Some people enjoy the slow pace that Iowa offers.

And I consider this whole time prior to the adding of sexual orientation to Iowa's civil right code to be a lost opportunity. Previously whenever I wanted to fired someone I needed about three incidents of employee neglect to avoid paying unemployment. Little did I know I could have just filled out the unemployment claim by saying the fired employee was gay.

"Joe was a great employee: showed up on time, did his work, and was a joy to be around. But I had to let him go because he like to play with Richard Gere's gerbil."

Call me cynical, but sexual orientation is probably already covered by one of our many other laws. But whatever...pass the law and let the mass immigration of Iowa commence.

Tim Vilsack's Crazy, Insane Blowout Endorsement Sale


***He's overstocked with 2007 endorsements, political favors, and back room deals. Campaign staffers? He's got it. Union ties? He's got it. A last name that sounds like a pickle? He's gooooot it!!! Everything has got to go as the 2008s are arriving daily. Tom Vilsack's cRaZy, insanE blowout endorsement sale, where you don't have to be a rock star...just a carpet bagging, corrupt Senator from New York. Come and get it...***

Vilsack endorses Hillary Clinton at the same time the Clinton campaign pays off Vilsack's remaining campaign debt. But don't you for one second believe the two are related. Don't do it! I told you don't...stop it...these are two honorable up standing citizens with loads of integrity so if they say it isn't quid pro quo then it isn't. I said stop thinking those thoughts...
Clinton spokesman Phil Singer said suggestions of any endorsement quid pro quo are "ridiculous."

"One thing's got absolutely nothing to do with the other," he said. "They've known each other for years. If she weren't running for president, she'd be doing whatever she can to help retire his debt."
Of course you know why it's ridiculous? Because a Vilsack endorsement isn't worth $400K. Maybe $1.25...$1.75 tops...possibly $2.25 if he was a family member in need of a hand out.

Now Christine Vilsack's endorsement on the other hand...

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Fair and Balanced

Hillary...Obama...

Obama...Hillary...

I opened up The Socialist's Handbook [you probably know it by the name: Des Moines Register] and there were editorials praising Hillary's aged to perfection 14 year old health care program. In all fairness though, ABC's Good Morning America did say that Clinton's health care proposal in 1992 was "ahead of it's time." Of course, you must understand that if you give one candidate press, it's important that you give equal time to their opponents. Hench a beautiful and glowing assessment of Barack Obama. The man is a damn rock star, don't believe me ask anyone in the press.

Alas, someday hopefully a Republican candidate will enter the Presidential race so we read the press coverage about them too.*

* The reader is asked to assume that Jeremie used heavy amounts of sarcasm when writing this post. Not much thought or grammar, but lots of sarcasm.

Mmmm....Paste

Ah the joys of being a cut and paste blogger. Being on the Rudy Giuliani email list means I get to turn off my brain for a few posts every now and then. The Rudy campaign gives me information and all I have to do is right click, select all, copy, open up the CBB interface, and paste.

No wonder liberal blogs update 50 times a day, this shit is easy...

Dear Friend,

We wanted to share some exciting news with you and invite you to be a part of it. Mayor Rudy Giuliani will be coming to Iowa on April 3rd, and wants to see and hear from you.

What: Rally with Mayor Rudy Giuliani

Where: Valley High School

1140 Valley West Drive

West Des Moines, IA 50266


When: Tuesday, April 3rd at 6:30pm

* Doors open at 5:30pm, please come early to ensure a good seat

There will be parking at the school.

This event is free and open to the public.

Please RSVP to iowa@joinrudy2008.com and let us know who from your family and friends will be attending.

Please forward this onto your family, friends and co-workers and ask them to reserve their spots early.

We look forward to seeing you there.

- The IA Rudy Team

Monday, March 26, 2007

Hell Freezes Over: SNL was funny

It only took them ripping off a bit that Conan O'Brien has been doing for years, but whatever...



Stolen from Ace Of Spades who stole it from Hot Air, who stole it from someone else.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

CBB's Cordless Power Tool Lifetime Achievement Award

Ah...how times changes. It seems like only yesterday Democrats were riping Republican majority leader, Tom Delay's use of brides and threats to get spending bills passed in the US House. It was bad in the past because the Republicans were in power, but now it's good because Democrats are in power.

Liberal logic astounds me. Regaining the majority and the power that comes with, is really nothing more than supplying the Democrats all the rope they need and then sitting back and watch them hang themselves.

I hate pork in bills, but I really hate it when the safety and success of our troops is on the line. Creating a bill that has no real chance of becoming law is completely irresponsible.

Fuck every single politician associated with this bill, including the Republicans.

For the Gateway Pundit [via The Club For Growth]:

Aquaculture Operations: Provides $5 million for payments to "aquaculture operations and other persons in the U.S. engaged in the business of breeding, rearing, or transporting live fish" (such as shellfish, oysters and clams) to cover economic losses incurred as a result of an emergency order issued by the Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service on October 24, 2006.

Spinach: Provides $25 million for payments to spinach producers that were unable to market spinach crops as a result of the FDA Public Health Advisory issued on September 14, 2006.

Hurricane Citrus Program: Provides $100 million to provide assistance to citrus producers (such as orange producers) in the area declared a disaster related to Hurricanes Katrina and Rita.

NASA: Provides $35 million to NASA, under the "exploration capabilities" account, for "expenses related to the consequences of Hurricane Katrina."

Corps of Engineers: Provides $1.3 billion to Corps of Engineers for continued repairs on the levee system in New Orleans.

FEMA: Provides $4.3 billion for disaster relief at the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA). The bill would eliminate the state and local matching requirements for certain FEMA assistance (in connection with Hurricanes Katrina, Rita, Wilma, and Dennis) in the states of Louisiana, Mississippi, Texas, and Florida, and provides that the federal portion of these costs will be 100%.

HUD Indian Housing: Provides $80 million in tenant-based rental assistance for public and Indian housing under HUD. Crop Disaster Assistance: Provides roughly $3 billion in agriculture assistance to crop producers and livestock owners experiencing losses in 2005, 2006, or 2007 due to bad weather.

Shrimp: Provides $120 million to the shrimp industry for expenses related to the consequences of Hurricane Katrina.

Frozen Farmland: Provides $20 million for the cleanup and restoration of farmland damaged by freezing temperatures during a time period beginning on January 1, 2007 through the date of enactment.

Milk Income Loss Contract (MILC) Program: Provides $283 million for payments under the MILC program, to extend the life of the program for one year, through September 30, 2008. MILC provides payments to dairy farmers when milk prices fall below a certain rate.

Peanut Storage Subsidies: Provides $74 million to extend peanut storage payments through 2007. The Peanut Subsidy Storage program, which is set to expire this year, pays farmers for the storage, handling, and other costs for peanuts voluntarily placed in the marketing loan program.

FDA Office of Women's Health: Provides $4 million for the Office of Women's Health at the Food and Drug Administration.

National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA): Provides $60.4 million for fishing communities, Indian tribes, individuals, small businesses, including fishermen, fish processors, and related businesses for assistance related to "the commercial fishery failure." According to the Committee Report, this funding is to be used to provide disaster relief for those along the California and Oregon coast affected by the "2006 salmon fishery disaster in the Klamath River."

Avian Flu: Provides $969 million for the Department of HHS to continue to prepare and respond to an avian flu pandemic. Of this funding, $870 million is to be used for the development of vaccines.

Secure Rural Schools Act (Forest County Payments): Provides $400 million to be used for one-time payments to be allocated to states under the Secure Rural Schools and Community Self-Determination Act of 2000. This program provides a funding stream (known as forest county payments) to counties with large amounts of Bureau of Land Management land, in order to compensate for the loss of receipt-sharing payments on this land caused by decreased revenue from timber sales due to environmental protections for endangered species. The authorization for these forest county payments expired at the end of FY 2006, and counties received their last payment under the Act in December 2006.

LIHEAP: Provides $400 million for the Low-Income Home Energy Assistance Program (LIHEAP).

Vaccine Compensation: Provides $50 million to compensate individuals for injuries caused by the H5N1 vaccine, which is a flu vaccine. Payment to Widow of Rep. Norwood: Provides $165,200 to Gloria W. Norwood, the widow of former Rep. Charlie Norwood (R-GA), an RSC Member, who passed away last month. In the Emergency Supplemental Appropriations Act of 2005 (H.R. 1268), Congress provided $162,100 to Doris Matsui, the widow of former Rep. Robert Matsui.

Capitol Power Plant: Provides $50 million to the Capitol Power Plant for asbestos abatement and safety improvements. Liberia: Provides that money appropriated for FY 2007 for the Bilateral Economic Assistance program at the Department of Treasury may be used to assist Liberia in retiring its debt arrearages to the International Monetary Fund, the International Bank for Reconstruction and Development, and the African Development Bank.

SCHIP: Provides $750 million to the Secretary of HHS to provide assistance to the State Children's Health Insurance Program (SCHIP) "shortfall states,", in the form of an amount "as the Secretary determines will eliminate the estimated shortfall." This provision is direct spending that is essentially capped at $750 million and designated as an emergency to avoid PAYGO constraints.

Minimum Wage Increase: Increases the federal minimum wage from $5.15-per-hour to $7.25-per-hour over two-plus years-a 41% increase. Yields $16.5 billion in private-sector costs over five years.

Tax Increases and Shifts: Implements several tax increases and shifts, including: denying the lowest maximum capital gains tax rate for certain minors and adults, extending the suspension of interest payments due to the IRS, and adjusting the deadlines for corporate estimated tax payments. Costs taxpayers $1.380 billion over the FY2007-FY2017 period.

President Bush Reacts To The Democrat Emergency War Spending Bill

You know I am not one to worship opinion polls, but damn it...if President Bush would talk to the American people like this more often his polls numbers would be through the roof.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Shattered Glass

In case you haven't previously read this on a liberal blog or Sam Brownback's blog, Rudy and Judith Giuliani have six previous marriages between them. Apparently this is a big deal to ultra conservatives. I am sorry, let me rephrase that: apparently the press thinks this is a big deal to ultra conservatives. Now I can't speak for the ultra conservative base in this country, but I am pretty sure they are not perfect either. I am sorry, let me rephrase that: I know they're not perfect either.

There is only one thing worse than being pious and that is stereotyping someone as pious based on your own interpretation of how you think they will react to certain socio-behaviors. And that is exactly what the press and political gurus are doing...speaking for a group of people that haven't said a word. Giuliani is running away with this election based on his leadership. You can not fault the man's success as mayor of New York City. So just can't. Were his terms perfect? No, hell no; but then no politician is and neither are his accomplishments. For the Democrats to beat Giuliani, they must be beat him in the Republican primary. Yes, you read that correctly.

I am stating right here on the Corn Beltway Boys that Rudy Giuliani will be the next President of the United States if the Republicans of this country don't fuck it up. Hillary knows it, Obama knows, and if Edwards was deeper than a hair cut and a smile he would know it too.

The problem for Giuliani's opponents is there he has proof of his unwavering leadership: 9/11. You couple 9/11 with his results as mayor then you have the most qualified resume for President that this country has seen in decades. So how do you beat him, because people like Hillary can't put all her post-office-name-changing sponsored Senate bills up against Giuliani's track record?

Sling some mud. Keep the press questioning Rudy's conservative tag. Put doubt in the voter's mind. Create baseless acronyms that no real politician could live up to like RINO [Republican In Name Only].

I stand before the readers of CBB as a broken, failed person who has known moments of victory and success. I am neither perfect nor do I claim to be. Giuliani's faults when placed next to the rest of the Presidential candidates are like a strain on Monica dress. If he starts breaking the law instead of hearts, then I might have a problem.

It comes down to this: people who live in glass house shouldn't throw stones. I am sorry, let me rephrase that: the press shouldn't throw stones on behalf of those people living in glass houses.

***For Full Disclosure, it should be noted that I support the Rudy Giuliani for President campaign. But I bet you already knew that...

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

James Hetfield Promises To Get Completely Drunk While Writing The New Metallica Album

Lamenting a lack of raw emotion and good music on their last five studio albums, Metallica lead singer, James Hetfield, announced he was going to resume binge drinking in an effort to "get back to his roots."

"I came to a realization the other day when I started to think of what the 19 year old James Hetfield would think if he saw where I was today," Hetfield said in an interview with Rolling Stone magazine, "the 19 year old James was a drunk who liked to trash hotel rooms, while the 43 year old James is sober and has a psychologist that tours with his band. I am pretty sure the 19 year old James would call me a poser and kick my ass. For Christ's sake we were occasionally called Alcohollica for freakin' reason and it's time to get back to that."

Hetfield admitted hitting the Jagermeister and Coors Light was "like riding a bicycle; you never forget how." Being a belligerent drunk, Hetfield has once again started lording over the song writing process in Metallica and the new album has begun to sound an awful lot like the Master of Puppets.

"Writing when I am fucked up is a very liberating experience," Hetfield said, "in the old days I would stumble into the studio and record a few songs. Then the next day when I was sober I would try to relearn everything I played from the night before. I am actually a better guitarist when I am blitzed, but if you have ever listened to St. Anger then you probably already knew that."

Hetfield went on say that not only is the music better when he's drunk, but that the lyrics ironically sound better too.

"Take for instance these lines from Harvester of Sorrow: 'My Life Suffocates, Planting Seeds of Hate, I've Loved, Turned to Hate, Trapped Far Beyond My Fate.' I have literally no idea what I was trying to say, but it sounds so damn cool. That's what being shit-faced does for me. Now, in contrast consider this chorus from Fanatic: 'Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tick tock, Frantic tick tick tick tick tick tick tock.' I mean if I was drunk you could almost excuse that, but I was clean. The worst part is that we decided to record it, so I can't even blow it off like it was some bad alcohol induced hallucination."

The new, constantly plowed Helfield did acknowledge that relationships between his fellow Metallica band members have both improved and disintegrated since he went back to the bottle.

"The first thing I did when I got off the wagon again was to call up Lars [Ulrich] and tell him how much of a fucking pussy I think he is," Hetfield said, "he cried of course and said I hurt his feelings, but told him he could shove his feelings up his ass and put them right next to his personal art collection. This exchange lead to the creation of a new song entitled Just Shut Up And Drum."

On the flip side, Hetlfield said he and lead guitarist, Kirk Hammett, have a better understanding of each other now that he's back on week long benders.

"James told me that it was time to put guitar solos back into our songs and if Lars didn't like it 'could suck my dick. So, needless to say, that made me happy,'" Hammett said recalling a 4 AM phone call he received from Hetfield, "James and I had a good conversation and got back on the same page muscially in between the twenty-three times that he told me that 'I love you, man.'"

Hammett expressed a little apprehension at having to solo again, as he admitted he hadn't played a decent solo since To Live Is To Die all the way back on the ...And Justice For All album.

"To be honest most of my solos from the black album up through St. Anger sound like they belong in a Def Leppard song, so I've had to start practicing again," Hammett admitted, "I've playing a lot of Guitar Hero II on my PS2 and I just finished Kiss' Strutter and began working on Warrant's Cherry Pie."

Expect the new Metallica album to hit the store shelves as soon as Hetfield can sober up enough to lay down the vocals. Tentative recent date is set for November 2012.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Bush Fires Federal Cafeteria Chefs

WASHINGTON D.C.[CBB] - In a move that is being described as palately motivated, the Bush administration fired nine US federal cooks after an incident involving red beans and rice. Democrats were quick to point out the expelled culinary professionals were only from judicial and legislatives branch cafeterias.

"These mass firings could be end up being Bush's Chicken Lasagna with White Sauce-Gate [referring to the Nixon scandal involving the 1972 break-in at the Sizzler]," DNC chairman Howard Dean said in fund raising letter to donors, "by excluding the White House kitchen staff from the layoffs President Bush has sent a message that dietary balance established by the founding bakers of this country do not apply to his administration."

Republicans defended the White House's actions by pointing out that former President Clinton fired all 42 federal chiefs that specialized in seafood once it was discovered that House Speaker, Newt Gingrich, had openly stated he enjoyed a good shrimp and crab bisque.

"As usual the Democrats have completely overreacted to President Bush's aromatic change in direction," White House spokesman Tony Snow said while defending the firings, "if the Democrats still carve some red beans and rice, then I highly recommend they try one of the 14 Washington D.C. area Popeye's Chicken locations."

Friday, March 16, 2007

Do Fish Drink Water?

Sometimes in the rush of covering politics you forget about those things in life that are really important. This post is all about slowing down and focusing on a question that I am sure has confounded many of you loyal readers..."do fish drink water?"

According the Oracle, Ask Yahoo!, the answer is yes...

Some fish drink the water they swim in, while others absorb it through osmosis. It just depends on whether the fish lives in freshwater or saltwater.

The MadSci Network explains that fish need to keep a certain concentration of salt in their bodies. Marine fish need to worry about preventing water loss, because they already get plenty of salt. They drink sea water, and their gills process the water but remove the salt. In fact, some saltwater fish lack properly functioning kidneys, in order to help avoid losing too much water.

Freshwater fish have the opposite problem: They need more salt. They absorb water through their skin and have effective ways of excreting excess liquid to maintain the salt they need.

Some fish have developed the ability to exist comfortably in both freshwater and saltwater -- the salmon and bull shark are notable examples. Bull sharks have been found far up the Mississippi and Amazon rivers, much to the surprise of people who believe sharks are found only in the salty, salty sea.

The Corn Beltway Boys...expanding your mind...

"Hey, Daren, you got that goat porn post ready yet, I am out of post ideas."

The Dean Of Stupid Pt. II

"This could be George Bush's Watergate," Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean wrote in an e-mail soliciting campaign funds yesterday [speaking about the firing of US federal prosecutors by the Bush administration].

Yes, yes...yet another incident that "could be George Bush's Watergate." You know just like: Iraq, weapons of mass destruction, StupidGate..er...PlameGate, Katrina, Wire tapping, Karl Rove doing just about anything, Dick Cheney shooting people, and of course stealing his first election in 2002. All those events and countless others were suppose to lead to the downfall of Bush, yet here we are with Chimperor McHilterburton still leading this country. Keep your fingers crossed Dean maybe...just maybe by the end of Bush's second term you might actually get your modern day Watergate. I mean besides Sandy Berger stuffing classified documents down his pants...

Would it be asking too much for the Democrats to lead? They do, after all, have control of congress. Bitching about Bush is nice but I was kind of hoping for a little substance. Non binding resolutions are great destroyers of morale for our troops, but what will the Democrats do when Bush's term comes to end? Hell, with Bush out of the White Housethe very foundation of the current Democratic party will be gone.

Using Democrat logic the only thing the Bush administration did wrong in firing a few US attorneys was not firing them all like Clinton did in 1992. And besides, I really believe Dean is underestimating the positive effect this "scandal" will have on Bush...I mean everyone hates lawyers anyway. Heck, I am guessing this whole affair will actually boast Bush's approval ratings. Who doesn't like seeing like seeing unemployed lawyers? It almost brings a tear to the eye...sniffle...thank you GW. You're my boy...

Thursday, March 15, 2007

New Species Found: Giant, Lesbian Vampire Bat

Please take a moment and put on your tin foil hat and securely fasten it with some duct tape, because you're going to need it...oh yeah and I might cuss a time or two in this post.

[/rant on]

Rosie O'Donnell has taken to defending terrorist mastermind, Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, because terrorists aren't "treated like humans" but rather they are "treated like animals." Aside from KSM not being the "be all, end all of terrorism" he has been robed of his "humanity" while savagely looked away at Guantanamo Bay. Then she proceeds to hold up the picture from the time of his arrest and make a case that we aren't properly feeding him. WHAT THE FUCK?

This bitch has a lot of fucking nerve. I find it disgusting that she is given a forum for her ignorance and in New York City no less...oh the fucking irony. Perhaps Daniel Pearl could go on the The View and explain what a kind and caring human being KSM is...oh wait, he can't because he was beheaded with a big fucking knife by Khalid...my bad.

The anger I feel now is very real. Rosie O'Donnell is an extremely stupid cunt with a mouth that needs to be gagged.

Go fuck yourself Rosie. Only in America can you coddle a terrorist and get paid for it.

Fucking bitter...

[rant off/]

From My Inbox

Last year I spent about six month as one of dmJuice.com's top trafficed bloggers. I don't want to brag, but I ruled that liberal website like a Democrat spending tax money. I constantly tried to screw with the readers like I was a blogging Andy Kaufman. Good times...good times. Then I went too far and became the overall top blogger and as a conservative that meant I must go. Why dredge up old news? Well, when I was a Juice blogger I would receive emails letting me know someone had left a comment and I still get these emails occasionally.

I find this ironic to say the least. I am not listed on the Juice website anywhere, but my posts are still on their servers. So, that people are finding my posts means that Google searches are pulling up my old Juice articles. Going by their current crop of bloggers it's safe to say that my archived posts are probably pulling better traffic and comments than the new posts. Here is the email I received for a post I did on local loser, Larry Smithson:

New comment on your post #2263 "Dirt Bag with an Ego: Larry Smithson"
Author : NoTAFRAiD2SPEAk (IP: 12.207.14.216 , 12-207-14-216.client.mchsi.com)
E-mail : liladidasboy@hotmail.com
URI : http://liladidasboyhotmail.com
Whois : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=12.207.14.216
Comment:
Well Jeremie Jordan,


Personally I don't give a FLYING F**K what you have to say. It says "IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED PLEASE STOP READING NOW" and I say the only thing good about those words is the PLEASE STOP READING. You are a desperate man with very desperate words. When writing an article/blog you should have the nerve to come face to face with the subject, not pick over a more prestigious paper's writings, even if you are a smaller branch of that paper. This was one big disgrace to the quickly growing and popular "Juice". You have a noticibly low level of self-confidence, which isn't suprising with the quickly-fading hairline and the "i gotta fit it gossip." I mean seriously quit the journalism and go on a diet, because i think everyone on here is thinking the same.


You chose to write about someone, who has helped Court Ave. and the downtown area the way it is today. Without him your chubby ass little mind wouldn't have had an article to write. He's a family oriented, but also a good businessman. It just so happens he picked up a few FRIENDS/ENEMIES through his climb to success.


----


PS: Your rather hilarious comment of "THE WORST COMB-OVER" is looking like it might meet you someday by the looks of your picture.


oh and also..


I can't wait to read the TOM BALDWIN article, which may feature his quickly decreasing funds, but thats just an idea.


GOODBYE JEREMIE.


You can see all comments on this post here:
http://blogs.dmjuice.com/?p=2263#comments
Just to let you know genius, I don't write for Juice anyone...or should I say "Larry stop leaving comments," because you know this comment was probably left by Smithson after Googling his own name.

Since I was reminded of Juice by this email I thought it would be a good time to revisit one of my favorite posts that I did on Juice:

Up To The Minute Opinion Polls

:: March 27th, 2006 :: 2:21 pm

Somewhere in the press today, there will no doubt be an opinion poll detailing a decline in President Bush’s approval rating. It seems recently CNN and the New York Times have taken to conducting real-time updates of Bush job performance:

6 AM (approval rating 36%): Bush wakes. CNN is reporting American’s where unimpressed with the President’s dream about pink turtles knights wearing tube socks on their tails in an attempt to win favor with the Princess No Left Turn. The public is calling for more dreams about Saddam in a thong.

7AM (approval rating 35%): Bush is dressed and has daily security briefing. NY Times publishes polls indicating that 87% of all Democrats disagree with Bush’s discussion to go with the navy suit and a red tie. Even 65% of Republicans think he should wear more suits with pin stripes.

8AM (approval rating 34%): After a quick breakfast with the First Lady, Bush heads to the oval office. The Huffington Post is claiming Bush is completely out of touch with the average American, as the President chooses a bran muffin over Count Chocula. The Huffington Post is also reporting Hitler liked a good bran muffin too…

9AM (approval rating 33%): Bush makes a few calls to congressional leaders to drum up support for some of his initiatives. MichaelMoore.com surveys 23 Americans and finds that 6 of them are disappointed with Bush’s use of a landline phone. Clearly the “will of the people” is for their President to use a Blackberry.

10AM (approval rating 32%): Cheney and Rumsfeld request a meeting with Bush to discuss the War in Iraq. The Washington Post editorial staff rakes the President for not stabilizing the violence in Iraq, ratifying their Constitution and mending the centuries of ethic hatred before “hanging out with his buddies at 10AM and playing war games.”

11AM (approval rating 31%): The President skips a planned early lunch and goes for a jog before heading off to scheduled public appearances. Howard Dean attacks Bush for creating a lunch-skipping precedent that may influence thousands of impressionable children to not eat their school lunches. Dean goes on to say the President clearly doesn’t think the established timetables for breakfast, lunch and supper apply to the current administration.

Let me state this clearly and distinctly: the only opinion poll I care about is the one where Americans goes into a little booth and vote. However, that said, I do believe the President can do better in the polls. I think with a little effort on his part he can dip to the 20% range. I personally won’t be satisfied until Bush hits then teens, but then my expectations of what I expect out of the President are more rigid than the average American citizen. Clearly it is time for Bush to snap his fingers and click his heels and solve all of the problems in the world.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Happy Abortion Day To You and Your Dead Fetus

***I pull very few punches, so if you have strong feelings on abortion might I suggest skipping this post***

Used to be that when you would have unprotected sex and get yourself knocked up you would have to go through the whole abortion process without any support. Not today! A non-profit organization out of San Francisco has beaten Hallmark to the punch by issuing happy abortion cards.

Corn Beltway Boys' sources have secured a few early proofs of the upcoming abortion cards and I present them to you:

  • You got laid and knock up, but all I got you was this lousy card
  • While your baby circles and heads down the drain, I just wanted to let you know you're still my favorite slut
  • 10 Beers: $22.5, 1 Unused Condom: $2.25, never having to face your responsibilities: Priceless.
  • Lordy, Lordy, Look Who's Whorey
  • Thinking of your uterus
  • Sorry, but this card is just like you...Late.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

The Sun Identified As The Leading Cause Of Global Warming

The International Panel on Climate Change is set to issue its' report to the United Nations this week on the primary cause of global warming.

"After excessive research it has been proven without a doubt that the Sun is the leading contributor to the rising Earth temperatures," the IPCC paper reads, "eliminate the Sun and you eliminate global warming."

Coming as no surprise, most of IPCC's heaviest criticism was leveled at the Bush's administration's pro-Sun policies as the report calls on the United States to abandon it's reckless sun loving ways. White House spokesman, Tony Snow, called the report's assessment of the Sun "a lot of hot air...in fact mostly hydrogen and helium."

"No Sun means no photosynthesis and no life," Snow said during his daily news briefing, "like it or not sometimes you have to live life with the Sun you have and not the less harmful Sun you wished you had."

It goes without saying that the IPCC report has received wide spread acclaim among the Hollywood liberals. Celebrities like Alec Baldwin and Barbara Streistand have joined forces to form a non-profit organization called "Stars Against Stars" which advocates the "complete destruction of the Sun and its' complexion and skin destroying UV rays."

Tecmo Bowl

Thanks to the Virtual Console on my Nintendo Wii, I am once again the Tecmo Bowl champion as my Chicago team beat the snot out of New York. Unfortunately the players names have been removed and it isn't Tecmo Super Bowl [which is a far superior game], but the game brings back so many great memories it was worth the $5 download fee.

Yes, that's right I played 10 straight games on Tecmo Bowl, an almost 20 year old game, to be the Tecmo Bowl champion. Every once and awhile you have to prove your video game geek bona-fides.

Now if Nintendo would just upload Baseball Stars, RC Pro-Am, Dragon Warrior, and the Bard's Tale...Blogger: In A Word - Create Post

Here is a link so you can Tecmo Bowl again.

Monday, March 12, 2007

You Know It's Bad For The Democrats When Kucinich Becomes The Voice Of Reason


Ann Coulter was wrong about John Edwards, as I don't believe he's a faggot. No. Well dressed with perfectly styled hair? Yes. However, instead I contend Edwards isn't gay, but in fact a pussy. In a tizzy that would make my 10 month old son proud, Edwards refused to debate his fellow democratic Presidential candidates because the event was co-sponsored by Fox News.

I believe Edwards' pouting allows America to see just how unfit he is for the Presidency. I am not sure if Edwards understands this or not, but as President he will represent the entire nation not just the lunatic fringe on the left. Would his Presidential news briefing only be open to the New York Times and CNN? Can he not even stand to be in the presence of a conservative? Does every question he receive have to be a softball thrown from his supporters and vetted by the Daily Kos?

You know your political party is in trouble when weirdo, Dennis Kucinich [his wife not with standing], becomes the voice of reason:
Kucinich said “it’s an insult to the voters, and the height of cynicism, for candidates to refuse to take the public stage and subject themselves to public scrutiny.”
Usually I think Dennis is a few tofu short of a rice cake, but on this issue he is right [likely a word never used before in the same sentence to describe Kucinich]. Seriously though, how can you expect the rest of the nation to embrace you for the Presidency if every time someone utters the words 'Fox News' you run for your mommy?

If Fox News is biased, then it's high time liberals concede that every other news outlet is slanted left. Democrats whine and complain about Fox News like it's the apocalypse with Hannity, Greta, Hume and O'Reilly representing to of the Four Horsemen. One friggin' television station. One. Liberals get bent out of shape over one allegedly right leaning news program.

Time put down the Kool-Aid people and have a tofu burger... just make sure you eat it with your tin foil hat on.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Sex Scandal Rocks Iowa Governor Chet Culver


Des Moines [CBB] - Comprised of details that would make Hollywood gossips blush, the Des Moines Register is reporting that Iowa governor, Chet Culver, has been caught having a extramarital affair with AFL-CIO president Mark Smith. According to the Register, top investigative reporter Tom Witoski received a tip early Sunday morning of foul play inside Culver's office at the Terrace Hill governor's mansion.

Unconfirmed reports say that when Witoski and his assistant walked into the Culver office they saw Smith seated in the governor's chair. Upon entering Culver's office, it was said that Smith looked startled but 'satisfied.' Moments after the Register team barged in, Culver popped up from underneath his desk.

"This isn't what it looks like," Culver claimed while wiping his month, "I can explain everything."

As news of scandal broke on the AP wire local TV reporters rushed to Terrace Hill. Culver appeared clearly rattled and worried about the fallout that his homosexual affair would have on his image. Smith on the other hand looked composed and smoked a cigarette while making a plea of calmness to Culver.

"Chetty there is no reason to worry, I am sleeping with half of the Register editorial staff too," Smith said, "By Monday this story will be buried between Marmaduke and Family Circus."

Details are still starting to emerge, but it appears the men were engaging in a little sexual role play with Culver acting out the part of the dumb, blond democrat that knowingly gets bent over. However, there was no word at this time on whether or not Culver at least got to cuddle.

Initial coverage had also inferred that the two men had been practicing bestiality, as there were sketchy reports of some kind of animal in a dominatrix outfit in the office with the men. However further inquiries confirmed that is wasn't an animal at all, but rather Lt. governor Patty Judge.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Government Bureaucracy

Twice in the last two and a half months I've had the pleasure of sitting through fact finding unemployment interviews with Iowa Workforce Development. What makes these two times different then most of the others I have been through is that the employees in question still works for me. Try wrapping your brain around that one...claiming unemployment from a business while still employed there. Once you've done the mental yogi, you'll have a greater understanding of how the government works than I do.

Each one of the employees in question works part time for me and either lost or quit their full time job. By default when an unemployment claim is filed the Unemployment Insurance Services Division contacts the last three known places of employment for the individual. The reason being that if the first business isn't found liable for the unemployment claim the next business in line gets the chance to bare that burden. I can't imagine this line of thinking makes much sense to anyone outside the public sector, but it's the system we have.

Each unemployment case was handled by different UI workers. The first one was absolutely by the book and sounded like he was reading everything straight of the page. The first thing we established was the person in question was still employed. Trying to break the ice, I joked how funny it would be for me to pay unemployment on someone I still employed. Apparently to government workers this isn't funny. He told me that in the event that first business on the unemployment claim wasn't found responsible for the claim is could fall to my business, which I told him I understood.

However, by this time I was annoyed. So I asked him why his department thinks my business should be held responsible for the failings of another business' employee/boss relations when that person still works for me? Not to mention their unemployment claim is twice what they make working for me! "Sir, if you're unhappy with my report you have 30 days to file an appeal..." Whatever, just do you're stupid interview. I haven't lost a claim yet, so just ask your questions.

The second fact finding interview was handled by a very nice lady and it took all of 6o seconds. "Hello, Mr. Jordan thank you for taking the time this morning to meet with me. It says here on the background check that the claimant is still employed for you, is this correct?" To which I replied "Yes, Ma'am." She then said something about being sorry for wasting my time and told me I would receive a copy of her findings in about a month, but assured me that I would not be liable for the unemployment claims.

I mean God forbid the first worker uses a little common sense. Ah, the joys of owning your own business.

Saving The Planet

You know me I don't like to brag, but I have been quietly changing into an environmentally conscious guy. Call it a moral calling if you will.

For instance, I have a power hungry, earth hating Xbox360 to play incredible games like Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. I would have nightmares about the oppressive heat waves my children would have to bear in the future simply because I wanted to play Call Of Duty 3 on Xbox Live. My situation? I bought the carbon offsetting Nintendo Wii. The Wii uses barely a fraction of the Xbox 360's energy and according to Al Gore this makes it so my Green Qi is centered again.

And as if that wasn't enough, last night the wife and I went out grocery shopping [I do know how to treat my lady right] and when they asked me if I wanted a sack for my milk I say "no." Hell no. In fact, I have never [NEVER] had my milk sacked. The gallon jug is designed with a handle for a reason...so you environmental-Nazi bastards don't clog our landfills with wasteful Hy-Vee bags. Those of you that have your milk sacked, how do you live with yourselves? You sicken me...

Dear Daren,

I know we have been friends for many years. From playing NES for hours, neighborhood football championships, to Halloween short stories and massive 20 person shaving cream fights...it's been a good friendship to say the least. Aside from your Night Ranger years that is, but I digress. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out a proper going away present and I was stumped until now...

New Weapon Against Warming: "Flatulence Cards" Offset Human Emissions

For only $16 I can make your farts carbon neutral for the next two years. You will now be able to pass gas without worrying about destroying the environment for your daughter generation. Feel free to fart in the general direction of anyone you dislike...feel free.

No need to thank me, as we're guys I know the words sometimes don't come out easily. But I know Daren, I know...

Jeremie

Monday, March 05, 2007

Liberals Are So [CENSORED FOR SENSITIVITY]


The whole affair surrounding Ann Coulter outing John Edwards has reached the point of hilarity for me. Liberal blogs are losing what was left of their collective mind, demanding that almost every conservative denounce Coulter. You know what? Fuck that. How about reaching down and seeing if you have a pair, rather than expecting everyone else to be their brother's keeper.

The problem with Democrats is that they are their own worst enemy. The more they whine and complain about Coulter the more press and exposure she gets. Both of those things translate into increased royalty sales for Coulter. As usual liberal don't understand capitalism.

Stupidity abounds:
From iPol: The "F" Word

But the question that must be asked is, why isn’t every Republican candidate – heck, every Republican, period – denouncing Coulter’s hateful words?
Do you realize how much of a waste of time it is to comment on every nut job in America? Hell, if politicians had to take time out of their day to publicly rebuke every fool with a microphone there would be little time for anything else. Wait...on second thought...maybe this is a good idea. Anything to keep politicians too busy to spend my tax dollars is a good thing.

And oh the irony. Lets not forget the Bill Maher has been on record saying that if VP Dick Cheney's assassination had been successful less people would die. Everyday people like Rosie O'Donnell call the Bush administration "liars and murderers," however for some reason this doesn't upset the fragile sensibilities of liberals. I can hear the leftist excuses already: "well if it's true it's not slander."

The outrage over Coulter's comments leaves little doubt in my mind that myopia clouds every liberal's actions.

Possum On A Gum Bush



Just when you thought Hillary couldn't be any more fake...you were wrong y'all.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Global Warming Blankets Iowa In Snow, Sending The State Into Chaos


Des Moines [CBB] - Iowa governor, Chet Culver, has declared martial law after two straight days of global warming sent his rural state into chaos. National guard units have been dispatched to quell violence in ordinarily quiet farming communities, but their attempt to provide assistance has been initially met with gunfire and heavy resistance.

"We have reports of multiple instances of guard units exchanging rounds with farmers who are holed up in their grain silos," Lt. Mike Brown said while assessing the mob rule that has over taken the small town of Battle Creek, "it appears we may have made a tactical mistake by imposing a curfew as it seems the canceling of bingo night is what lead to the increase of violence."

Gov. Culver called on the national guard to impose martial law after looting of Dekalb hats and bib overalls were reported at Tractor Supply Co. stores across the state. Fifteen inches of global warming over a 48 hour period seemed to bring out the criminal element.

While the national guard tries to regain order in the sleepy agricultural state, many local leaders are starting to question why the federal government and FEMA were not quicker in providing assistance.

"Clearly George Bush does not like pasty white people," state senator Joel Rustin [D] said during a Friday afternoon press conference held inside the Des Moines green zone, "The White House clearly underestimated how Iowans would react [concerning the rising levels of violence] to not being able to have their morning coffee down at the local COOP."

The massive global warming storm has even garnered international attention, sparking outrage and abolishments from foreign countries. The French newspaper Le Progres wrote an editorial ripping the Bush administration's disaster response by writing "Global warming has shown that the scarecrow has no clothes and that the world's superpower is powerless when confronted with nature's fury." Le Progres went on to say it was "disgusted" that Iowa is still allowed to use a French word for its' captial, Des Moines, "in light of such incomp├ętence."

In an attempt to quell the partisan rhetoric Gov. Culver took to the airwaves with a message of hope and optimism. Culver said both state and federal emergency response would be "one of the many things analyzed in the coming months, but that now was the time for rebuilding."

"I don't care what the people are saying Ames or wherever they are, this state will be vanilla by the end of the day."

Friday, March 02, 2007

The Big 5 - 0

I rarely write about personal items here on CBB outside of personal feelings, however day is going to be different. About seven weeks ago I started joined a weight loss pool and I have reached a point of 50 pounds lost.

I have no vices in my life except enjoying a good meal. I suppose it comes from my late Grandma Wirth and her incredible country cooking. Hearty German food with generous helpings of meat. Of course, it should come as no surprise that I have a German heritage, I mean it completely explains my neo-fascist oppressive views.

Anyway I have a 52 week goal, but in light of the first seven weeks I am well on my way to making it...hell maybe even by the end of summer.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Don't Hate Him Because He Hates You


Julio Pino is a Muslim who is an Associate Professor at Kent State University. Besides being employed by the taxpayers of Ohio, Mr. Pino writes a blog. The fact that Pino has a blog is certainly not unique as the Corn Beltway Boys are a daily reminder that any moron can have a blog. However what makes Pino's blog somewhat different is that he's advocating for Osama Bin Laden to be victorious in the war on terrorism.

Here are some recent headlines on Pino's "Global War" blog:
  • THe (ALMOST) CHENEY ASSASSINATION: AN INSIDE JOB!
  • REVOLUTIONARY IRAN BOLDER AND FIRMER THAN EVER!
  • SECRETARY WACKO-RICE: AL-QAEDA WILL STRIKE AT US AGAIN!
  • Jihadi Weapon of the Day: IED INSIDE DEAD DOG!
  • TALIBAN READY 2,000 MARTYRDOM-SEEKERS FOR SPRING OFFENSIVE!
  • KA-BOOM: IT'S OVER FOR CRUSADERS IN AFGHANISTAN!

Particularly nice is picture on the dead marine. Of course I use the word 'nice' meaning rage filled hatred with a desire to beat the ever living shit out of Pino.

I know what you're thinking: "Jeremie, why must you hate? Why can't you just sit down with Pino and find out why he wants you dead?" To that I say: I would be happy to sit down with Pino and talk with him, just as long as I am in a pew and he's in a pine box.

Unknown at this time is whether or not Pino has declared his intentions to run for the Democratic Presidential nomination but clearly he would have the support of the liberal blogosphere. Please be advised that if you wish to click the link to Pino's "Global War" blog that it will be written in a similar style as employed by NoNeed over at the "No Common Sense Iowan." Both are educators but neither one has writing skills above those of a six grader. I guess it's true what they say: "those can't...teach."

Here is the contact information to the history department at Kent University if you wish to drop them an email or phone call:

John R. Jameson [jjameson@kent.edu] Professor and Chair
Julio Pino [jpino@kent.edu - I am guessing on this one, but it seems logical based on the rest of the staff's email addresses]
Phone: 330-672-3000