Friday, March 31, 2006

Media Bias

Reprinted from my post on DM Juice:

It isn’t everyday you get to blog on a website loosely associated with the state’s largest newspaper, so I feel compelled to issue a few parting shots at the Des Moines Register. Not like anyone from the Register would care what some two-bit blogger thinks; but hey, its Friday and my angst towards the rest of the world has tapered off this week.

About four months ago I stopped my Register subscription. Sure, I still pick it up from time to time at a convenience store, but I got tired of the slanted political commentary. The Register doesn’t have a single, local columnist that even slightly resembles a conservative, so there is never balance. Unfortunately, the Register is also one of the only sources for local news, so I am always torn whether or not to read it. It also doesn’t help that I am a news junkie.

To make matters worse, I have started noticing a growing tend of “news analysis” stories in the front-page section of the Register. News analysis articles are were the reporter breaks down whatever story they are covering and then tell you why it is important and why you should care. News analysis stories sound an awful lot like “editorials” to me. Maybe I missed the memo, but I thought news stories were supposed to be factual and void of supposition. It was my understanding that a newspaper is to present the facts and then let the reader draw their own conclusions. Then, if you don’t feel like thinking for the day, you can then turn to editorial section of the paper and have your thoughts spoon-feed. However, when the Register starts interjecting news analysis articles in the area usually reserved for straight news, it hard to tell where the facts end and the opinion starts.

I don’t want opinion in my news and I would like a little diversity in the editorial section. Is this too much to ask? Lets be honest here, there is never any counter balance in the Register to Richard Doak constantly praising socialism and Rekha Basu prattling on about the latest affront to abortion.

Back in the day, newspapers were decidedly skewed in one direction. Starting with the earliest days of our nation’s existence through the mid 1900s, certain newspapers were blatantly slanted towards a particular political party. They didn’t hide the fact and usually expressed their viewpoint somewhere on the front page. However, in today’s society all the newspapers try to act unbiased and I find it to be an insult to the intelligence of the American citizens that they do so. It is time for the nation’s newspapers to be honest with the public and drop the whole smoke screen of objectivity, because no one is buying it.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Expressing Oneself With Feces

Reprinted from my post on DM Juice:

In Minnesota, a school district is investigating an incident involving poo smeared over the boy’s restroom. It seems this type of activity had been going on for a while. Quite understandably one teacher had enough and made the boys in his/her class clean the bathroom. Seems fair to me as long as a certain level of precaution was taken; like gloves [I also think toothbrushes should have been involved, but I am a little more strict than most people]. However, what seems fair to me and what is fair to other parents are two different things:

"This is my son's safety," said Tremell Pittman, the father of one boy. "To me it's a serious, serious health hazard." The boy's mother removed the child from the classroom the day after the incident."

See, the first reaction in this Minnesota town was to call for the punishment of the teacher, which the Superintendent is currently looking into. My response would have been entirely different:

“Did my son clean toilet and walls so they sparkled? Because if not, he is free this weekend to come back to the school and spend the day discovering the finer points of responsibility.”

What are these parents teaching their children? I mean, sure there must have been more than a couple kids who were forced to clean the bathroom that probably had nothing to do the poop on the walls. However, I could have almost guaranteed [prior to the parent’s intervention] that the innocent boys would become wonderful protectors of the restroom. Thus, helping to eliminate the problem. And naturally those boys who did fling the crap on the walls, in my opinion, got the punishment they deserved.

Of course, I could be out of touch again, maybe little Timmy was just “expressing himself,” and the parents are just protecting his freedoms. However, just reading this story made me want to go tell my son clean his bathroom. You know, just because I can. Life isn’t fair, and I have decided I am the one to personally teach this to my boy.

Yeah I know, he will either hate me one day or thank me while giving a speech.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

"My Angel Is The Centerfold"

The following is reprinted from my post on DM Juice:

Sharon Stone is claiming it is too early for Hillary Clinton [pictured in a photo shoot for Maxim magazine] to run for President, she is “too sexy.”

"Hillary still has sexual power, and I don't think people will accept that," Stone said. "It's too threatening."

Yes, Sharon she is so sexy her husband has cheated on her no less than 3 times.

I mean when think of sexy women; Hillary is generally the first person that come to mind.

Of course, Hillary isn’t the only sexy woman; there is also Janet Reno, Dame Edna, Diane Feinstein, and Kathy Bates.

I better stop writing about these vivacious and voluptuous vixens, because it is giving me thoughts that are making me feel unfaithful to my wife.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Up To The Minute Opinion Polls

The following is reprinted from my post on DM Juice:

Somewhere in the press today, there will no doubt be an opinion poll detailing a decline in President Bush’s approval rating. It seems recently CNN and the New York Times have taken to conducting real-time updates of Bush job performance:

6 AM (approval rating 36%): Bush wakes. CNN is reporting American’s where unimpressed with the President’s dream about pink turtles knights wearing tube socks on their tails in an attempt to win favor with the Princess No Left Turn. The public is calling for more dreams about Saddam in a thong.

7AM (approval rating 35%): Bush is dressed and has daily security briefing. NY Times publishes polls indicating that 87% of all Democrats disagree with Bush’s discussion to go with the navy suit and a red tie. Even 65% of Republicans think he should wear more suits with pin stripes.

8AM (approval rating 34%) After a quick breakfast with the First Lady, Bush heads to the oval office. The Huffington Post is claiming Bush is completely out of touch with the average American, as the President chooses a ban muffin over Count Chocula. The Huffington Post is also reporting Hitler liked a good ban muffin too…

9AM (approval rating 33%) Bush makes a few calls to congressional leaders to drum up support for some of his initiatives. MichaelMoore.com surveys 23 Americans and finds that 6 of them disappointed with Bush’s use of a landline phone. Clearly the “will of the people” is for their President to use a Blackberry.

10AM (approval rating 32%) Cheney and Rumsfeld request a meeting with Bush to discuss the War in Iraq. The Washington Post editorial staff rakes the President for not stabilizing the violence in Iraq, ratifying their Constitution and mending the centuries of ethic hatred before “hanging out with his buddies at 10AM and playing war games.”

11AM (approval rating 31%) The President skips a planned early lunch and goes for a jog before heading off to scheduled public appearances. Howard Dean attacks Bush for creating a lunch-skipping precedent that may influence thousands of impressionable children to not eat their school lunches. Dean goes on to say the President clearly doesn’t think the established timetables for breakfast, lunch and supper apply to the current administration.

Let me state this clearly and distinctly: the only opinion poll I care about is the one where Americans goes into a little booth and vote. However, that said, I do believe the President can do better in the polls. I think with a little effort on his part he can dip to the 20% range. I personally won’t be satisfied until Bush hits then teens, but then my expectations of what I expect out of the President are more rigid than the average American citizen. Clearly it is time for Bush to snap his fingers and click his heels and solve all of the problems in the world.

Tick, Tick, Tick

The following has been reprinted from my post on DM Juice. Please refer to the Juice Blog for the links, as I didn't feel like adding them a second time here on In A Word:

The United States debt clock that hangs in Times Square is running out of space to be able to display all the digits in our national debt. Our debt stands at $8,300,000,000,000,000 or 8.3 trillion for those of you not wanting to count the commas. It was designed to handle a trillion, but not 10 trillion. Each second that passes adds another $20,000 to our national debt so the clock is estimated to need replacing sometime in the next 2 years.

I will defend our President on a lot of issues, but one of them is not the national budget. I will concede to the current administration that there have been unforeseen factors in the last five years, which have contributed to the increased US debt load. However, what concerns me, as a conservative, is the speed at which we have plunged the country back into the red.

Before I start bashing the Bush administration to hard, let me start by outlining a few events that need to be established as fact. The country was already headed into a recession before Bush took office, period. The dot.com bubble had busted and the job market was waning. The effects of 9/11 have rippled and will continue to ripple through our economy for years to come. There are some sectors of the economy that will never resurface, because of the attacks in 2001. Tack on natural disasters and two foreign wars and you have perfect concoction to elevate our debt exponentially.

However, all that said, our elected officials have a responsibility to the citizens of this great nation to get their spending under control. There are government programs that need to be cut and pork projects that need to be deleted. In fact, there were almost 14,000 pork projects in 2005. There is good debt [debt that leads the country forward and needs to be spent] and there is bad debt [money we keep throwing away year after year with nothing to show for it]. It is time for both parties to sit down a figure out what the country needs and doesn’t need.

I will not stand for increased taxes. Our government already pulls in enough money and their job is to learn how to spend it. I don’t work 50-60 hours a week so every time a Senator wants to build a $320 million bridge to nowhere, all he has to do is call in a few favors with his colleagues. Unfortunately, these types of projects happen every day in congress.

Want I am calling for is the line-item veto. The framers of the Constitution believed the President had two choices when presented a bill from congress, sign it or veto it. However, the founding fathers did not foresee the massive amounts of pork our beloved elected officials would start attaching to bills. Give the President the power to strike worthless spending from an otherwise acceptable bill. In return, allow the members of congress to overturn each of the Presidents line-item vetoes.

The rub to our Senators and House Representatives would be that they would need a two-thirds majority to pass spending on such things as:

  • $1.1 million to research an alternative to Salmon
  • $6.2 million for wood use research
  • $18.7 million for Alaska seal and sea lions
  • $33.9 million for the Maui Space Surveillance System
  • $1.5 million to search for E.T.s
  • $1 million for Brown Tree Snakes, which do not exist in North America
And the list goes on and on and on and on and on…

Monday, March 27, 2006

The Continuing Adventures of Lord Abortion and His Sidekick Fetus

When we last left our procreation fighting heroes they were locked in a fierce struggle with their South Dakotan evil nemesis, Dr. Protecto. However, as the South Dakota ban on abortion appears headed to the Supreme Court for a final showdown, a new dark cloud appears off in the distance.

Holy generation, altering court case, Bort-Man. What are we going to do?

I don’t know, but I fear the political landscape is changing. Watch out Fetus, a holy roller is right behind you!”

POW!! SCRAPE!! SUCK!!

[Elsewhere in the world...]

In a legal maneuver that has sent Planned Parenthood-type groups scrambling for rationale and sound positions, a 25 year male is attempting to absolve himself of responsibility to a child he fathered. It is a question that has begged an answer since Roe Vs. Wade became law in the 1970s: why should the women have ultimate say in determining which fetuses are brought to term and which die?

Mel Feit, founder of the National Centre of Men, who is representing Matt Dubay, the man attempting to divorce himself from his child, had this to say:

“Women now have the freedom and security to enjoy lovemaking without the fear of forced procreation.”

“Men are routinely forced to give up control, forced to be financially responsible for choices only women are permitted to make, forced to relinquish reproductive choice as the price of intimacy.”

Mr. Feit also went on to explain that it is his position that the lack of male reproductive rights violates the principle of equal protection granted by the Constitution.

So here we find ourselves at the crossroads of a sociological dilemma. If women have the right to govern over their bodies, why shouldn’t men have some sort of say in the decision of whether or not they wish to become a parent?

Catch-22s make for slippery slopes and while I don’t agree with abortions or Mr. Dubay’s desire to duck responsibility, I find our past actions as a country have lead us to a point where our distorted logic tells us men should have every right to not be a parent.

If abortion is a constitutional right of a women to protect themselves from forced parenthood, then that same Constitution tells us that men should have that same right; even if it is counter to the will of the women. So, basically, as it stands now I truly do believe two wrongs do make a right.

[Mean while, back at the Underground Clinic “RU-486” we find our heroes in conversation…]

It appears there is new danger afoot, Fetus, and its’ name is distorted common sense.”

So, join us next week, where we will hear Fetus ask Lord Abortion, “When do I get rights and protection?

Same batty time. Same batty place.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

In A Word: Juiced


I have been granted a second week of blogging on the DM Juice website. I came in third in the points race just 30 points off of second place and more than 1,000 points ahead of fouth place, Alex Pickett, the blogger who wrote opposite of me.

To be honest, I am not sure where this week will lead us. I plan on playing the abortion card right out of the gate. I figure, what the hell, I might as well go all in this time. Time will tell, but I am confident of my writhing abilities and my presence in the mist of flame war. So, needless to say I am excited to see where I end up.

As with the previous week I will republish all of my Juice posts on In A Word, but you are welcome to join me over at DM Juice for the comments and writer reader interaction. Of course, it goes without saying you are welcome to comment here also.

Friday, March 24, 2006

You Had Your Turn, Now Please Shut Up


Madeleine Albright [pictured], astute diplomat that she is, has taken to criticizing the Bush administration. I would just like to ask the former Clinton Secretary of State to please muzzle herself. See here is the problem I have with the most recent former Secretary of State commenting on the current Secretary of State; if Ms. Albright would have done her job correctly the Bush administration wouldn't have to run around and fix all of her mistakes.

I mean obviously the great, omnipotent Albright foresaw the events of 9/11? Or maybe she knew is Saddam was going to cave in to UN resolutions in just a few more decades?

Nothing sends me into a tizzy more than Clinton apologists claiming they know the answers, but then not sharing the knowledge.

Lets look at the amazing accomplishments of Albright and see if she has any credibility to stand on shall we?

In the eight years of the Clinton administration these great moments in diplomacy occurred:
  • Palestinians got no closer to statehood.
  • North Korea took our aid and then defied our agreements on nuclear proliferation.
  • Iraq refused to comply with UN resolutions and profited from a corrupt Food for Oil program.
  • Afghanistan became a terrorist hotbed.
  • Pakistan and India tethered on the brink of war.
  • Numerous countries in Africa and Serbia practiced genocide while the world watched.
  • Terrorist cells in the United States planned 9/11.

Before Ms. Albright starts claiming to know the answers, she needs to first demonstrate she understands the questions. Because according the Clinton record on world affairs, the administration's response to every problem it faced was to the look the other way.

Don't make any mistake, the problems facing the Bush administration were festering during the nineties. Fortunately, for future generations we now have a President who is willing to sacrifice his political image and poll numbers to get some real work accomplished on world affairs.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Where Are The Damn Updates Already?

Why haven't I updated In A Word for awhile? Well the answer is that my wife and kids are on spring break and usual time set aside for blogging is spent now with my family. Rest assured when they return to school, the liberal bashing will resume at full strength. In fact, the pent up frustration might make it a little bloody next week.

As a side note, IrishWalsh and I are in the preliminary discussions of setting up a dual blog where we would both contribute. I am excited about the possibility of writing alongside someone else. I believe the dialogue between Walsh and I would create some interesting possibilities. The overarching idea is to create a blog with more reader interaction. I am not like a lot of other bloggers, so every time a Democrat says something stupid I don't tend to always have a response. So, having Walsh on the same blog as me will allow me to have days of silence while he still updates the blog, and vice versa.

When we get farther along, I will give you more details.

Monday, March 20, 2006

A Favor


Now that I have completed my week long stunt as a DM Juice blogger, would like to ask the readers of In A Word to click this link and vote for me.

It is painless and just a few clicks of the mouse.

Think of it as your way of sticking it to the man. Don't question the analogy, just click and vote.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Answered Prayer

Reprinted from my post on DM Juice:

Friday was a good day to be a Cyclone fan again. With an athletic department headed my Jamie Pollard; you can sense ISU will not accept anything less than success. As a rabid Clone fan that grew up in Ames and went to ISU, I can tell this season was one of the worst to endure and it is nice to see a change on the horizon.

The firing of Wayne Morgan showed me that we would start looking beyond the win/loss record and also look at where we believe our two main programs are headed. If you remove Wayne Morgan’s win/loss record, what is left to show promise in the future?

One of my biggest problems with Morgan was his ever-present deflection of responsibility:

"Do you know how long Iowa State has been playing basketball? For however long that is, do you know how many times Iowa State has been to postseason tournaments? Probably 14 or 15. I hope that it's not a different standard for me” [Wayne Morgan Thursday’s Des Moines Register].

A different standard? Nope, just a higher standard. We pay you ¾ of a million dollars a year Mr. Morgan and I am sorry if you have a problem with expectations, but I want some return on the investment.

All we heard from Morgan this year was “have patience, because we have a young team.” Young team? The backcourt, headed by two juniors, was supposed to be one of the best in the nation. With the talent that Stinson and Blalock possess they should have elevated everyone’s game around them, instead they turned into selfish ball hogs and Morgan’s offensive schemes helped them.

There wasn’t a single game this season where I felt Morgan out coached the opposing team. If we won it was because we had more talent than the other team, not because we had a better game plan. In fact, opposing coaches would only have to watch one game film of Iowa State this season to know what defense and offense we were going to run. When teams would break ISU’s zone defense we would throw them more zone defense. When team would key on Stinson and Blalock and our NBA style clear out offensive, Stinson and Blaylock would just take triple coverage shots while a wide-open teammate stood five feet away. To be honest, I am not sure what we paid Morgan for this year.

I am just glad Jamie Pollard felt the same way.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

DHS and the 12th Circle Of Hell

Reprinted from my post on DM Juice:

My wife and I are only one class shy of completing our foster care training. Everyone has their causes they support, mine is children in harm’s way. Through no fault of their own, kids are thrown into situations with unsafe environments and a bleak outlook for the rest of their lives. My experience in life has taught me I can’t change the world. I am neither smart enough nor creative enough to tackle the planet’s biggest problems with effective solutions. However, I can make a difference in a child’s life. My hard work has afforded me the opportunity to have a clean, safe home with a loving, strong family with hearts for giving.

The training process to become a foster parent goes through the Department of Human Services, which in turn means it goes through hell. I know this will be a shock, to you the reader, but government agencies and me don’t necessarily mix. Our encounter with DHS before we enrolled in our classes was strained, to put it mildly.

Last summer, my wife and I took an infant boy into our home while his mother entered rehab for Meth. We met her through an outreach program at our church. Long story short, she fell out of treatment and we felt inclined to call DHS to prevent the young boy from reentering a life of drugs, homelessness and prostitution.

When we first contacted DHS we where hailed as heroes for our desire of wanting to remain the child’s foster parents. Their only requirement for our family was to submit to the usual application process. We agreed and started to setup our classes, background checks and drug screening. The class registration and background checks were flawless, but drug testing was a different story.

Let me take you through the process of dropping a urine analysis for the state. First, it is imperative that you go with a full bladder, because the waiting room at the lab will make you feel like you haven’t drank any fluids in a week. You will be sitting next to people that aren’t there because they are looking to do foster care, but rather are court mandated to be there. After a short wait, the time to perform is upon you. After being ushered into a sparse bathroom with mirrors surrounding the toilet you will be asked to pee while the attendant watches over your shoulder. Now I have used hundreds of public restrooms and stood next to many men urinating in my time, but having someone actually watch you go is a different experience. However, I rose up to the occasion and performed flawlessly. Not one of my better performances, but it would do.

What happened next will stay with me for the rest of my life, the attendant thanked me as I handed him the glass of urine. Thanked me? For what, the pee cocktail or the show I just gave him? Without thinking, I said, “you’re welcome.” We stood there a moment longer, each of us starting to realize that there are some services in life that don’t require a thank you.

Unfortunately, the drug test showed trance amounts of amphetamines in wife’s UA due to the prescription drugs she takes for high blood pressure and her Crohn’s disease. Understandably, DHS choose to remove the young boy from our care, until the follow up tests could concluded my wife was not, in fact, a Meth head.

Long story short (too late, I know) DHS never regained its’ faith in us as a foster family and choose not to put the boy back in our care. Sure, the drug tests eventually showed us both to be clean, but then DHS started to question my wife’s health due to fact she has Crohn’s disease. We were then told we don’t have the proper background to handle the boy who had been in our care because he had special needs. Of course, the bureaucracy that is DHS didn’t take the time to research the fact my wife works for the Waukee Schools with special needs children. I can tell after attending 10 weeks of classes with other couples looking to help needy kids, my wife and I may well be over qualified. In some small way, completing the classes gives me the feeling that we proved to DHS just how wrong they were about our family. And yes I know DHS couldn’t care less about my family’s reputation, but for me it helps.

The story I just told you is, of course, the abridge version of a very long and painful process that has finally reached its’ conclusion. Undeterred by grossly inept government workers, our home will finally be a potential safe haven for children in need of assistance. Put simply, it will be worth the trials.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

God Please Forgive Me For Writing About Cindy Sheehan Again, Part 2

My post as reprinted from DM Juice:

Few things tug at your heartstrings quite like a mother grieving the loss of her child. A cruel twist of fate that commits an offspring to the grave before the parent plays against the natural progression of life. Those that enter the world first should in turn exit first.

When this cycle is disturbed it can cause behavior that turns a historically normal mother into a raving lunatic lurking on the fringes of Michael Moore.com.

I have come to accept that my constant ridicule of Cindy Sheehan will be a sin which will require years of repentance to forgive, but God help me it is so much fun. Through my numerous connections I formed with my blockbuster other blog, In A Word, I was able to secure an exclusive Cindy Sheehan letter explaining what really happened a week ago when she was arresting again in protest of the Iraqi war. The following diary of events is the unabridged version of the post that appears on Michael Moore.com. May her insight cause you pause in what may otherwise be an unfailing support of our Liar in Chief, George Bush:

Yesterday began just like any other day for me. I awoke missing my son, Carey, and wondering where I was. Life as a media whore leaves you susceptible to waking up in strange places following an all night bender with Moveon.org. I still wait for the day they at least kiss me goodbye.

After getting my bearings I realized I was in New York City to protest something, somewhere, with some people I will hopefully never see again. Luckily the nice staffers from Michael Moore.com always supply me with my daily itinerary, so I haven’t had to form an original opinion in over 2 years.

After psyching myself up with the usual “Bush lied, people died” mantra, I set out into the street of New York City to do some good. I was marching on behalf of the People Adrift Without Normal Sensibilities and our main objective was to deliver a worthless piece of paper with some names on it to our US ambassador to the UN, John Bolton.

Of course, due to the fact America has been transformed into a fascist state by Nazi…er…Republican Party; I was arrested. It was at the time of my arrest that the emotions all hit me at once. I had lost my son Corky, my husband, my country, my rights as granted by the 18th amendment, and my lucky pendant with a picture of Hugo Chavez.

I had the joy of being frisked by the arresting officer. In fact, when it comes to being incarcerated, getting patted down is one of my favorite things. Being the ever vigilant activist that I am I requested the officer pat me down a second time, but asked him to go slower and to be a little more thorough. Coco would be so proud of his mother.

After putting forth one of my best crying performances of my career, I was released. With the help of great Americans like Michael Moore we have been able to secure a bunch of talk show interviews. Michael even said he might been able to extend my 15 minutes of fame to about 16 or 17, but in doing so I would have to sell him my soul. Of course, I agreed out of a desire to honor my fallen son, Casper.

I just wanted to write a letter to all my friend(s) and supporter(s), to let you know you can't always believe what you read in the press. I wanted to let you know my side of the story as presented by MichaelMoore.com with limited commercial interruptions.

Peace, and praise Allah,

Cindy Sheehan

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Pandering To 7% Of The Population

Reprinted from my post on DM Juice:

In a resounding defeat for teenagers all across the state last week, the Iowa House of Representatives defeated a measure to increase our state’s minimum wage. Democrats are claiming the average working Iowan will be working harder next year for the same amount of money:

But, having put politics ahead of public policy, they [those that voted against increasing the minimum wage] will probably fail to mention that they were also the ones responsible for keeping low-wage Iowa workers from being rewarded for their hard work again this year. –written statement by House Democratic leader, Pat Murphy.

Um, no actually that is untrue. I know political rhetoric makes for great sound bites, but lets try and keep a little truth in our comments, shall we?

The facts:

Only 7% of Iowa workers are a single parent or single earner in a couple with kids.

The average wage [minus the “minimum” tag] in Iowa was $15.10 in 2004 or up 5% over 2003.

So, let take those statistics along with Pat Murphy’s comments and feed them into our handy dandy common sense machine and see what it spits out…

The Democrat statement should have read something like this:

Due to the fact the free market system is working, the government will continue to keep its’ hands out of the private sector. The average worker in Iowa is making $15.10 per hour, which is an increase over the previous year, thus proving the minimum wage is nothing more than a cheap stunt by which to improve our image with the state’s unions.

Further more, as only 7% of our entire population is earning the minimum wage, we feel the business sector has been doing an admirable job of compensating Iowa workers for the jobs they do.

Who the hell works for $5.15 an hour? For crimney sakes man, Mickey D’s starts a burger flipper out at about $7 an hour. Going out on a limb here, but perhaps the 7% of workers making $5.15 are so utterly inept they do not warrant more than five bucks an hour.

You show me someone making $5.15 an hour for 40 hours a week and I will show you the most unmotivated, grossly unskilled worker in Iowa. Rather than waiting for the Iowa legislature to give you a raise, how about showing a little ambition, venturing out and finding a better job or earning a wage increase?

Monday, March 13, 2006

Blah, Blah, Blah, Bush Lied, Blah, Blah, Blah [DM Juice Post]

The following post can also be found on DM Juice:

The Chair would like to recognize the undistinguished gentleman from Wisconsin:

"The president has broken the law and, in some way, he must be held accountable," prattled Sen. Russ Feingold (D-Wis). “Congress has to reassert our system of government, and the cleanest and the most efficient way to do that is to censure the president. And, hopefully, he will acknowledge that he did something wrong."

Ah yes, the admission of wrongdoing. Nothing confounds a Democrat more than actually standing up for your actions, and because of that President Bush has become the very antithesis of a Democrat. Bush’s refusal to back down from the NSA terrorist surveillance program has given a small time, liberal Senator for Wisconsin a soap box from which to improve his political stature. However, since the legality of the program is still undetermined, proposing a censure of the President is completely baseless.

Realize it is this type of political grandstanding that have lead the Democrats to their current minority status in our political system. I know term “eavesdropping” harkens back the liberal heyday of Watergate, but until someone can prove the NSA is spying on American citizens without suspicions of terrorism, then I say we continue the program. Oh sure, pass a few laws of governance over it and maybe a little congressional oversight, but unless the Supreme Court rules otherwise it should stay a weapon against terrorism.

Congress has to reassert our system of government, and the cleanest and the most efficient way to do that is to censure the president.” Those are a lot of words that accomplish absolutely nothing. Censure the President for what? Thinking outside the box? Don’t forget the legal pundits are, as I said previous, still undecided on whether Bush and NSA broke the law. Please also notice the subtle disregard of Feingold, as he offers no alternative solutions to NSA terrorist surveillance. I guess if I was going to “reassert our system of government,” as a congressman I would might…I don’t know…thinking off the top of head here…throw out an idea or two that might benefit the country. However, Feingold believes a better use of our Senate’s time is too publicly debate the fact that people disagree with President Bush.

As I have expounded on many times back on my home blog, In A Word, if you choose to step up to the plate and take a swing at the President you had better come with solutions. I am tired of hearing what is wrong in America by the Democrats. Any fool can tell you there are problems in this country. Leaders offer solutions; even solutions that ultimately don’t fix the problem.

Prologue [DM Juice Post]

Following posting is re-printed from my guest blogging stunt on DM Juice:

Hello Juice readers, I will be your awkward and fumbling backseat blogger for the next week. Like a teenager whose Dad just threw him the keys to the family station wagon for a Saturday night date, these next seven days could very well be an uncomfortable experience for us all. My constant self-doubt keeps bothering me with thoughts of ridicule and failure. I mean, what if the liberals of the United States decide to shut up for one whole week? What will I write about? What if Cindy Sheehan and Hollywood celebrities don't cozy up to a South American dictator or make comparisons between Bush and Hitler; would I still be able to keep, you the reader, entertained without being able to fall back on my usual sarcastic political banter?

The conspiracy theorist in me also questions my inclusion into the blogging contest. I have joked with my friends and family that there must have been only eight contestants that signed up, because if you have ever been to my home blog, In A Word, you know I am a grammatical and coherent thought train wreck waiting to happen. As if to prove my suspicions correct, I have become privy to a NSA wiretapping conversation between Cavan Reagan, Juice online content manager, and Arturo Fernandez, Photo Editor:

[Cell phone rings to the tune of Tone Loc'’s Funky Cold Medina]

Art: Hit me.

Cavan: Hey Art, itÂ’s me Cavan. IÂ’ve got some bad news.

Art: The Register demanded we start running “Life So Far” by Erin Crawford and Kyle Munson?

Cavan: No worse. You know that blog contest the staff has been kickinÂ’ around? Well, we got only eight entries.

Art: No worries. We can spin it in a positive light.

Cavan: Unfortunately it gets worse. One of the submissions is a...you know...

Art: A conservative blogger? How the hell did he get on our site?

Cavan: Apparently he snuck past the filters. What do you think; should we just scrap the whole competition? You know the impact just one of those nut jobs can have on our viewer ship.

Art: Naw, I think it is time to teach this Bush-lover a lesson. Let him post. Give him some rope and just watch as he hangs himself. Besides you are talking to one of the best photojournalists in DSM, I can make this guy look like he went to Glamour Shots to get a "“before" picture taken for his application to TrimSpa.

Cavan: Agreed. Besides I have read his blog, he is very adept at making a fool of himself.

The hard truth, however, is that both Arturo and Cavan have been nothing short of supportive and professional. If anything, I have been the only person who has placed unfair stereotypes; especially in regards to the Juice staff. I appreciate the opportunity presented by Cavan and the staff at Juice to reach a boarder range of readers than I am used too. So without any further delays lets slam this baby into drive, floor it, and see where this blog leads us.

And for God'’s sake, will someone please pass Ted Kennedy a gin and tonic, the car keys, a female staff member and a microphone. I need some material for tomorrow. Also, if it wouldn'’t be much of a bother I would like to ask Cheney not to shoot anyone and Bush not to sell off portions of the country to an Arab nation this week. It makes it so much harder to stay on the task of liberal bashing if I have to constantly defend the current administration.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

In A Word: Juiced

This week begins my stint as a guest blogger on the DM Juice website. To put it mildly, I am in way over head. What started as a fun diversion to reach a wider audience, has turned into a potential recipe for disaster. I feel like the kid who was picked last during a game of dodge ball.

But hey, everyone looks a wreck to see if there is any blood, this could be your chance to see carnage. I am guessing those of you that come here regularly, do so because you agree with my rants. For those that feel so inclined, I would like to ask that you accompany me on my journey to DM Juice to help with morale.

To give you some background on the bloggers who have preceded me, there has been:
  • A former Iowa girl living in NYC with aspiring friends in fashion, comedy and the arts.
  • A very single, but really nice young professional male.
  • A sports guy
  • A relationship guy
  • An actual writer [I mean what the hell is up with that? Nice ringer]
  • And a very conflicted PETA member who has a liberal view on just about everything including dating married men.
With your support I believe I can make a good showing. However, I have a life that is detached from the internet. It seems the past contestants have had the ability to be online a lot to be able to respond to reader comments. This is not a luxury afforded to me, so your input on Juice would be a great appreciated.

Just so we have our roles clear...

I will write the same abysmal, tripe usually found on In A Word, but rather than just casually clicking away like you normally do; you will instead leave glowing comments that make it appear like I am the second coming of Hemingway.

You know what; scratch that. Seeing a bunch of conservatives defending a bumbling, hack of a writer will only further strengthen their stereotypes of us as a group. On second thought, you better bring your sarcasm. There is probably good chance I am going to need to borrow some extra sarcasm to make it through the week.

Side Note: I realize comparing me to Hemingway is also, in fact, sarcasm. Believe me, I got the irony...

Friday, March 10, 2006

Caution: The Following Post Contains Liberal Common Sense, Please Read At Your Own Risk

How's this for New York logic:
Six in 10 New York voters believe Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton is planning to run for president in 2008, but only about a third of her home-state voters say they would back her if she did so, a statewide poll reported Thursday.

Almost half of New York voters, including three of every 10 Democrats, said they would not vote for her for president, according to the poll from Siena College's Research Institute.

Clinton's prospects are brighter, however, when it comes to how New Yorkers feel about re-electing her this year to another six-year Senate term, according to the Siena poll. Fifty-seven percent of voters said they would vote to re-elect her while 38 percent said they would prefer someone else.

When it comes to having Hillary as President New Yorkers want nothing to do with her, however they are more than willing to give her a seat in the Senate. Yes, in case you are wondering, that is funny. Sad, but funny.

Owww....the pain...head hurts...make pain go away...

Iowa Road Trip 3.10.2006

I am, like million of Americans, over worked. And being overworked means less road trips, even those of a virtual nature. However, I was able procure a few minutes this week to read some of my fellow Iowa bloggers, and I believe there are a few articles of which you should take notice. So without any further delays, lets see what the Iowa blogs had to offer this week.

Iowa Voice -- Washington Post Now Getting Involved:


I posted earlier on Brian's ongoing struggle with the media and his mistake in not properly attributing a quote he used on Iowa Voice. That said, in all fairness you should really take the time and read Brian's side of the story.
I never said "I probably cut and paste". I've explained what happened here. Nothing sinister, and not a good excuse, but it's what happened. I could have taken the dishonorable way out, as I noted, but felt it was far better to take my lumps for not checking a simple misplacement of a piece of code (the code that encloses text within the quote box).
Homercles: Space Monkey -- Crash: Just One Calorie, Not Gay Enough:

Sometimes it scares me how closely Homercles resembles my own sarcastic humor. Of course, that is probably one of the reasons I like his site so much. Albeit, I would like him to post more, I understand he has more pressing issues in his life than a blog...like teaching kids math.
The notion, however, that not voting for Brokeback was H-Woods tacit admission that everyone is still a closet hater is, on the face of it,patently ludicrous. Could it be, maybe, that Crash won because more Academy voters thought Crash was a better film?

Just putting that out there.
"Just putting that out there." The perfect conclusion to a great post. Homercles has my permission to guest blog on In A Word if he would ever feel like gracing my blog with his wit. Consider this an open invitation.

The Mind Of IrishWalsh -- I Have Drank Some Horrible Things In My Day, But...:


I know this post is from last week, but Mr."I go to college full time, work nearly full time, and I am married" seems to think there are other things in life that should come before his blog. Whatever. I know you too well Walsh; playing a little too much Carrion Fields are we?

However, I his blog recently provided me with a written form of Syrup of Ipecac:
I bring you the tale of a man from Ohio who has been hiding in public bathrooms and drinking the urine of little boys” for 40 years.
I am not sure what disturbs me more, that fact that a man drank urine or the fact that IrishWalsh always seems to stumble upon these twisted news stories.

Ditty Talk: My Space For Christians

Ditty Talk, a Christian version of MySpace.com, recently went live on the internet. While I do not usually throw around religion on In A Word, I really believe this is a concept long overdue. It isn't about evangelism or Christian outreach to me, but rather a clean, safe environment for teens and young adults to socialize with a reduced amount of smut.

I don't believe for one minute that some pervert won't try and infiltrate Ditty Talk, however the web designer keeps total control over the content and will delete any offending sites without any notice. Similar to how Google combats spam on Gmail, Ditty Talk will rely on volunteers, pastors, and other Ditty Talk bloggers to help keep the site clean.

As a father of two young children, the internet currently poses more problems than answers as a resource for school projects. However, I understand that as my kids grow older the allure of the web will consume them until they must be on it 24 hours a day. Also, being a realistic parent, I understand that with some safe guards, the internet can be a great place to express yourself and a place that my children will want to visit. Ditty Talk is one of the first sites I would feel comfortable with them going to.

My hat is off to Brian Bozarth, creator of Ditty Talk for trying to create a safer environment for online groups. However, I do have one critique and that is the name: Ditty Talk. While Ditty Talk may be Biblical [Ephesians 2:10, "We are His workmanship." The Greek word for workmanship is "poiema," which is the basis for the English word "poem," or song –hence "ditty."] I find the name to be only one letter away from DirtyTalk.com. Of course, DirtyTalk.com does exist, so just lets hope Christians are really good typists.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Floating On A Wafer In My Subconscious Contemplating World Peace; Or Writer's Block. Take Your Pick

You may have noticed I have been posting infrequently lately. Well, quite frankly it is do to the fact I think the new "look" of In A Word is so friggin' cool that I hate to mess it up with the usual rambling posts I am known for.

However, I have found that the new look also makes my previous posts even more insightful and purposeful. For instance, awhile back I did a stupid post about a guy dying while playing air guitar. Without the new rain affect background that was a very weak post with little or no reason to read it. Now, with cascading droplets in the background, when you read the post you realize that there was a deeper more profound purpose for the story. You realize I was making a social commentary on the effect music has on our youth during their carefree days of college, and how fragile life really is when you allow yourself to be lost in the moment.

Of course, it could be the same old crap I have always wrote, but at least now you can space off into the serenity of a subtle rain when I write such drivel.

Kind of like now...

The Following Post Contains Content Taken From Various Experiences In My Life; Any Resemblance To Someone Else's Life Is Purely Coincidental

Recently Brian over at Iowa Voice got in some trouble for not attributing a quote in his usual text box to differentiate it from his own thoughts. The subject matter of his post concerned Wal-Mart. Eventually someone at the New York Times got a hold of the post and did a news article about bloggers attributing press releases or reader emails as their own words. I really don't care whether Brian is guilty or not of this practice. I have read Brian's defense and concluded he was probably just sloppy.

However, what stuck with me after reading about this entire affair was the impact just one blog can have on perception. With In A Word I have always pretty much taken the satirical approach to most subjects I have covered. If you, the reader, can't figure out when I am screwing around and being serious then you need to get your news somewhere else.

Blogs have definitely blurred the line between news and opinion. When I read a blog I am expecting to get skewed version of the facts. I don't go to Protein Wisdom for the bare bones truth. I want Jeff to give me his humorous interpretation of the story. Blogs are a more intimate approach to covering the world around us, but they also require greater involvement by the reader.

Traditional news sources tell you they researched a topic and you have to take their word for it. With a blog you can actually provide a link to your source and let your readers make their own conclusions. This is where I believe, as bloggers, we need a certain code of conduct. I certainly don't get anywhere near the amount of traffic that Brian gets at Iowa Voice, but it did make me stop and evaluate how present information to my readers.

Unfortunately, there is no way to monitor a blog's content, nor I guess should there be. However, it would be nice to see blogs police themselves and realize once they start getting a specific amount of traffic, they have a responsibility to present and attribute all facts that aren't their's alone. As a whole, Iowa Voice does a great job of that, I just wonder about the rest of us...

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

The New Hotness

With a little help [read: a lot] from IrishWalsh, In A Word is sporting a new look. To be honest I was tired of looking like every other Blogger blog out there. I needed a some individuality.

I also got rid of some of links, deleted some call to action buttons that I felt distracted from the message I was trying to convey. While this a political blog for the most part, I didn't feel like I wanted to be necessarily affiliated with anyone in particular.

So what do you think? Is the new look a keeper? Changes that need to be made?

I would appreciate your input.

By the way, Haloscan and Blogger are pissing me off today, so you will have to use the blogger comments and not the Haloscan comments. It appears I haven't said the proper combination of cuss words to initiate the correct interface between Haloscan and my new hotness.

Monday, March 06, 2006

"Four Easy Steps To Strong And Healthy Marriage" By Mrs. And Mr. Hillary Clinton Rodham

Not that I am saying anything is wrong with the Clinton's marriage, I mean they have always seemed like a very strong and loving couple. An example of the perfect union, if you will...

However, I have put together a few news stories that may illustrate a chilly bedroom at Senator Hillary Clinton and Former President Bill Clinton's home:
  • First -- Hillary (D-NY) takes the Democrat lead in attacking the Bush administration on the proposed US port sale to Dubai.
  • Second -- It is revealed Bill helped advise Dubai officials with guidance on how to proceed with acquiring the management rights of eight US ports.
  • Third -- Hillary claims to be unaware of Bill's connections with Dubai.

I was starting to get worried about the state of affairs in Camelot after reading the those first three articles. However, great relationships are all about compromise...
  • Finally -- Bill Clinton toes the line on his wife's port stance by similarly attacking the Bush administration over the US ports deal.
It brings a tear to eye to see such mutual understanding and agreement between two people who couldn't be more in love with their political status.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Democrat's Redefine The Word "Analogy" To Mean "Not Related To Each Other"

Apparently making the comment "we wouldn't transfer the title to the devil; we're not going to transfer it to Dubai," comes across as anti-Arab to some people. However, to politically correct Democrats, like Frank Lautenberg (NJ), it is just a simple, little analogy to help American citizens more fully understand the hysterical nature by which the liberals intend to oppose the sale of US ports to the an Arab country.

In fact, in the correct response to the Arab American Anti-Discrimination Committee when it complains that a "comparison of Dubai to the devil is unacceptable," is to simply reiterate your quote again. "It wasn't meant as an insult at all," Lautenberg said. "I didn't call Arabs the devil. I said I won't do business with the devil and I won't do business with Dubai."

To Frank's credit he also went on to say he wouldn't do business with Jews, blacks, whites, reds, Mexicans, Asians and that corner convenience store in Jersey that is always out of Cherry Coke smoothies. But I digress...

To help clarify Frank's remark I have taken the liberty of helping to rewrite his quote to make it more palatable to the Arab community: [Please insert the most non-offensive evil person(s) based on your particular background]

"We wouldn't transfer the title to (the):
Hitler
Stalin
Osama Bin Laden
Communists
Fascists
Jeffrey Dahmer
Genghis Khan
or Pol Pot;
and we're not going to transfer it to Dubai."

See, much clearer now. Obviously if you see any anti-Arab sentiment in Lautenberg's quote it only reveals your own inner hatred towards Islam, not Lautenberg's stupid use of the word "devil" when referencing a Muslim country.

In A Word Side Note:
It should be noted that In A Word doesn't necessarily condone the sale of US ports to an Arab country, just Democratic representatives who should use a more little common sense in their rhetoric.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Howard Dean Outlines The Democratic Agenda. The Problem? Yep, You Guessed It He Forgot To Outline An Agenda.

Hey, it is only a year late, but the Democrats are trying to form an agenda. The talking points are nice, however they seem to be tripping up over the actual details. Eh, you know need this governing thing is really hard...

Together, America Can Do Better - A Positive Democratic Agenda

"So our strategy is very simple- we want to make it clear to the American people what the Republicans are about and what their discrepancies are between what they say and what they do. We also want to make sure the American people understand what we are going to do differently.

"One- we will pass ethics legislation within the first 100 days of our re-ascension to power, and eliminate the scandals and the corruption that the Republicans have brought to power [sounds nice and positive too me--ed.]. We want honest and open government in America again.

"Two- we want a strong national defense which begins with telling the truth to our citizens and our soldiers and our allies before we send troops abroad.

"Three- we want American jobs that will stay in America by creating a new energy independence industry, creating thousands of manufacturing jobs and construction jobs to retrofit our homes and businesses.

"Four- we want a health care system which works for everyone, just like 36 other countries in the world have.

"And five- we want a strong public education system so we can have opportunity and optimism back in America again. . ."

"So we can have opportunity and optimism back in America again." Hell, if the liberals and the press would stop spinning every economic statistic into gloom and doom, maybe there would be a tad more optimism in America. How many times can you be told something sucks, before you start to believe it?

Please take notice that Dean does not elaborate on how the Democrats will achieve their agenda. Which, of course, why they are the minority party. Anyone can tell what would be nice in a perfect world, however actually getting off your ass and attempting to lead the nation is little harder.

In A Word would like to offer an addendum to the Democratic agenda. A real agenda, if you will...

One -- Establish ethics legislation. Stop saying stupid things like "Democrats have not taken one nickel from Abramoff." Own up to fact that several leading Democrats, including Harry Reid (NV), are just as guilty as some of the Republicans. Stop playing stupid with American citizens.

Two -- A strong national defense. As opposed to the strong national defense that John Kerry voted for, before he voted against it. Before we send our troops abroad, we need to make sure we have a clear vision of why we are going to war. For example, overthrowing a murderous dictator, freeing millions of people from oppression, restoring tangible consequences to UN resolutions, toppling a totalitarian government, and taking the fight from the US soil to the middle East were it belongs.

Three -- Creating jobs that stay in America. Like fast food, gambling, and politics.

Four -- Creating a health care system that works for everyone like ones that are financially crippling 36 other counties in the world.

Five -- We want a strong public education systems so more people will be educated in the ways of common sense to be able to see through liberal BS.

Cannibalism And The Liberal Fringe

I read this news article and saw the positive angle:
It's been the subject of whispered conversations among top Republican officials for the past month. Now, U.S. Rep. Chris Shays, R-4th District, has let slip the secret: GOP officials have discussed cross-endorsing Democratic Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman this fall.

In an interview today with the editorial board of The Advocate of Stamford, Shays said he intends to vote for Lieberman and is encouraging a Republican endorsement of the three-term senator.
I mean what is not to like? A Republican supporting a Democrat. Working together. Understanding they have differences, but willing to put aside those difference to get some things accomplished for this nation. Oh, sure there is political posturing behind it, but all in all I believe it's a positive step forward for our gridlocked government.

Of course, that is my take on the article. The wingnutosphere that is the Daily Kos views it as the apocalypse:

Republican congressman Chris Shays endorses Lieberman? Who's next? The Connecticut Republican Party?

And no, I'm not being facetious.

Do we need any more evidence of how important Lieberman is to the Connecticut Republican Party? Lieberman provides them cover. They'd wither and die without him around.
The Daily Kos goes on to solicit support for the anti-war candidate running against Lieberman in the Democratic primaries.

Ever notice how liberals are very quick to turn against a person in their own party? You've got to love Democrat logic though: "Lieberman supports a position of President Bush, and we hate Bush, so we must hate Lieberman."

I support John Mc Cain even though I don't always agree with his cozy relationship with a few fringe liberals, but I do understand that Mc Cain's partnerships are for the good of the nation. And isn't that the question we all ask ourselves when we enter the voting booth? Which of the opposing candidate will help further the grow of our cities, state, and nation.

For the mindless zombies that like to have their opinions spoon fed to them, the Daily Kos is a great source of disinformation. However for a free thinking conservative like myself, the Daily Kos makes my head hurt. I just can't keep up with everyone I am suppose to hate because of their association with President Bush.

Not that it makes much difference coming from a small Iowa blogger, but I could and would vote for Joe Lieberman. All I ask of him is to never mention the phrase "Joe-mentum" ever again.