Ask In A Word

Dear Ask In A Word,

How are you hope all is well with you and your family? My daughter is having funds in Europe to claim we need your assistance. She is 25 years old and a house girl as her profession, I was unable to take care of her properly so I have to let Madam Florence Zuma help me out well this is my personal life does not matter in my proposal to you.

I have this thing to tell you which I believe it can be helpful to both of Us.Like I told you at the beginning she is a house helper working under a woman named above but she is dead now and she is a very well know woman and she is a diamond merchant in Ghana but she Lives in Sierra Leone.

My Daughter stayed with her all this years working under her so she is dead now and she Don't having kid nor husband; she has a fund in Europe with my daughter's name US$2.5 million us dollars.Right now my daughter has back to senegal where i residence and we cannot secure a visa to go there personally.

I need your assistance to help us claim the funds and secured it in your Custody before I and my family come over with your help securing a visa for us in your embassy with the name of the company you will open once you claim the funds I believe with the company name they will give us visa.

For your assistance we will offer you 15% of the funds once you claim it.
She have all documents covering the funds I have talk to firm securing the consignment they said Once we have a beneficiary they will act according to my instructions and work with the new beneficiary so please let me know if you can be of assistance in this transaction So I can give you more details.

If you are willing to us contact me only on this email wilfred04@walla.com OR you can contact my Daughter on her email address gloria1@yahoo.co.in but I prefer you contact me for better understanding.

Note: Once you claim the funds you will look for a school for my daughter there in your country so that she can further her education.
Thanks for your understanding.

Best regard
Frank wilfred.
[In A Word note: email left unedited for maximum humor]

Dear Wilfred,
My family is fine, and how very nice of you to ask considering we do not know each other. I am a tad confused as to whom I am suppose to contact about helping your family. You say I can email either you or daughter, but it is better to correspond through you "for better understanding." Have you read your own email, man? "For better understanding?" For crimmey sakes, if you must spam me, at least have the decency to do it with proper English.

Unfortunately, I am afraid I am currently assisting needy, filthy rich Nigerians so frankly your offer of 15% of $2.5 million dollars does not interest me. Lets me honest, Mr. Wilfred, $375,000 just is not worth my time. The Nigerians are offering me millions for my personal information, bank account and social security numbers. And after all, I am an American...I go to the highest bidder. However, you spoke of your daughter and considering how I will be filthy rich once my deal with the Nigerians is complete, I may be in need of a "house girl." Please stay in touch.