Ever wonder how the Democrats get away with supporting the troops but not the war effort? Hundreds of platitudes, in honor of the GIs, nailed against the wall along with destructive words like: quagmire. Well, In A Word has uncovered the DNC's job performance review of troops in Iraq.
Job Performance and Review
Employee's name: American Troops
Reviewing Supervisor: Howard Dean, Chairman DNC.
Knowledge of Work:
The general manner in which this war as been fought suggests a general lack of proper planning. Why you didn't used a little hindsight before you went to war is troubling to Democrats. Mr. Dean has played America's Army and he knows how to win a war. Even the press knows how to win a war. So why doesn't the average GI know who to win a war?
Quality of Work:
It started with Abu Ghraib prison and has went downhill fast. John Kerry warned us you had been terrorizing women and children, but no one listened. What followed were murders and atrocities that only Ghengis Khan could have dreamt of.
Quality of Work [timeliness]:
As every Democrat knows, the maximum time it takes to invade a country, wage a war, overthrow a government, rebuild the infrastructure, create a new Constitution, ratify said Constitution, elect officials, create a new justice system, and undo thousands of years of fighting and killing in the Middle East is exactly 2 years and 45 days. Clearly you have failed to complete your work in a timely manner.
Attention to Safety:
Humanitarian organizations report civilian deaths in upwards of 100,000 [mostly cute little children]. This is completely unacceptable. It has been made clear you are to fight the enemy while not harming their human shields.
Goals and Objectives:
It's not in the DNC's nature to offer solutions and objectives before a problem arises, however we believe everyone else should. The DNC exists to tell you what has gone wrong, after it has gone wrong. In absence of a coherent thought we have decided is time to relieve you of duty and bring home all troops by December 2006. We have no doubt that once the American presence in Iraq is eliminated, the country will magically create a democracy on its' own. History has taught us that democracies spontaneously form out of thin air [in a bloodless way, of course] all the time, you just have to click your heels together. You will be eligible of unemployment benefits; Mr. Lieberman can show you how to fill out the forms.
You job performance has been horrible. The best words to describe the situation in Iraq is quagmire and civil unrest. Thousands of innocent people are killed everyday in your skirmishes with the insurgents. Terrorists are basically running the country. We would have been better off leaving Saddam Hussein in power.
So, in closing the DNC would like to say how much we support the troops and job you are doing. Keep up the...er...good work...
Is it time for the photo shoot?