Dear Daren,

I know we have been friends for many years. From playing NES for hours, neighborhood football championships, to Halloween short stories and massive 20 person shaving cream fights...it's been a good friendship to say the least. Aside from your Night Ranger years that is, but I digress. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out a proper going away present and I was stumped until now...

New Weapon Against Warming: "Flatulence Cards" Offset Human Emissions

For only $16 I can make your farts carbon neutral for the next two years. You will now be able to pass gas without worrying about destroying the environment for your daughter generation. Feel free to fart in the general direction of anyone you dislike...feel free.

No need to thank me, as we're guys I know the words sometimes don't come out easily. But I know Daren, I know...

Jeremie