Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Up To The Minute Opinion Polls

The following is reprinted from my post on DM Juice:

Somewhere in the press today, there will no doubt be an opinion poll detailing a decline in President Bush’s approval rating. It seems recently CNN and the New York Times have taken to conducting real-time updates of Bush job performance:

6 AM (approval rating 36%): Bush wakes. CNN is reporting American’s where unimpressed with the President’s dream about pink turtles knights wearing tube socks on their tails in an attempt to win favor with the Princess No Left Turn. The public is calling for more dreams about Saddam in a thong.

7AM (approval rating 35%): Bush is dressed and has daily security briefing. NY Times publishes polls indicating that 87% of all Democrats disagree with Bush’s discussion to go with the navy suit and a red tie. Even 65% of Republicans think he should wear more suits with pin stripes.

8AM (approval rating 34%) After a quick breakfast with the First Lady, Bush heads to the oval office. The Huffington Post is claiming Bush is completely out of touch with the average American, as the President chooses a ban muffin over Count Chocula. The Huffington Post is also reporting Hitler liked a good ban muffin too…

9AM (approval rating 33%) Bush makes a few calls to congressional leaders to drum up support for some of his initiatives. MichaelMoore.com surveys 23 Americans and finds that 6 of them disappointed with Bush’s use of a landline phone. Clearly the “will of the people” is for their President to use a Blackberry.

10AM (approval rating 32%) Cheney and Rumsfeld request a meeting with Bush to discuss the War in Iraq. The Washington Post editorial staff rakes the President for not stabilizing the violence in Iraq, ratifying their Constitution and mending the centuries of ethic hatred before “hanging out with his buddies at 10AM and playing war games.”

11AM (approval rating 31%) The President skips a planned early lunch and goes for a jog before heading off to scheduled public appearances. Howard Dean attacks Bush for creating a lunch-skipping precedent that may influence thousands of impressionable children to not eat their school lunches. Dean goes on to say the President clearly doesn’t think the established timetables for breakfast, lunch and supper apply to the current administration.

Let me state this clearly and distinctly: the only opinion poll I care about is the one where Americans goes into a little booth and vote. However, that said, I do believe the President can do better in the polls. I think with a little effort on his part he can dip to the 20% range. I personally won’t be satisfied until Bush hits then teens, but then my expectations of what I expect out of the President are more rigid than the average American citizen. Clearly it is time for Bush to snap his fingers and click his heels and solve all of the problems in the world.

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