Thursday, February 02, 2006

Democrats See Their Shadow, At Least 12 More Months Before They Have An Agenda

Howard Dean [pictured] popped his head out of the DNC headquarters today and saw his shadow. Of course, as the old superstition goes, it will be at least another 12 months until the Democrats form an opinion.
"He was clearly agitated and ready to get back inside his cage," a DNC junior staff member said speaking of FauxPastomic Scream, the nickname given to Dean.
In what has become a yearly tradition, Democrats religiously gather in the nation's capitol to see if their leader sees his shadow (generally about the same time as the State Of The Union Address).
"With the way we have been adrift lately with no course of action, I suppose this shouldn't came as any surprise; but I was kinda hoping Fauxpastomic would see his," a disappointed Hillary Clinton (D-NY) said. "Oh well, lets just hope he doesn't start seeing his shadow the year I run for the Presidency."
The February folklore holiday has also attracted the attention of liberal celebrities and media types.
"Secretly, I always hope he sees his shadow, because frankly I am only a Democrat because they color coordinate better with my cocktail dresses," an excited Barbara Streisand added. "Besides, once we set an agenda and really decide what we believe in, we will actually have to follow our rules. And at least for me, that would create a lot of ideological and sociological catch-22s I am not ready to confront about myself yet. I find just talking about making the world better is a hell of a lot easier than actually working to make it better."
FauxPastomic Scream has a stellar, unblemished record on predicting whether or not Democrats will from an agenda or even simply have an idea. In the last 15 years FauxPastomic has seen his shadow 15 times and never once in the last 15 years have the Democrats had an original thought. Although it should be noted Scream has only been predicting for two years now, before that were other FauxPastomic name's of little fact a Google search refused to remember any of their names. However, their records on seeing their shadows are well documented.
"The Republicans like to make a big deal out of our indecision, but we have started to accept our role as the brainless, clueless party," explained Harry Reid (D-NV). "For people who don't like to think for themselves, it is a lot easier this way."

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