Dear People Of Iraq,
I am humbled by your thoughtful birthday gift for me, but you really shouldn't have. The execution of Saddam Hussein for crimes against humanity was one of the best presents this staunch supporter of the Iraq war could have asked for, but I question whether my birthday was deserving of such an honor? Of course I am celebrating with you for having the courage to finally rid yourself once and for all of a homicidal dictator, but I have to be honest, a card would have sufficed.
You realize though that you have now spoiled me for future birthdays. Nintendo Wiis and Xbox 360s will no longer appease me, I am going to need the blood of deranged world leader to be spilled every year now.
In case you are looking for a few birthday gift ideas for next year and want to get a head start on the shopping, I could go for Kim Jong Il's head on a platter or maybe Mahmoud Ahmadinejad stuffed and mounted from my living room wall. I realize those are rather expensive, so if you are on a limited budget I would settle for a videotape of Hugo Chavez dying before a firing squad...I mean after all it's thought that counts.
Thank you again.