The Spin Cycle

When I first read this story I thought I was on the The Onion website, then I realized it was, in fact, an Associated Press article. In all fairness, it's pretty hard to tell the difference:

Clinton Says Her Southern Twang a Virtue

Democratic presidential hopeful Hillary Rodham Clinton said Friday she sees her sometimes Southern accent as a virtue.

"I think America is ready for a multilingual president," Clinton said during a campaign stop at a charter school in Greenville, S.C.

The New York senator—who said she's been thinking about critics who've suggested that she tried to put on a fake Southern accent in Selma, Ala.—noted that she's split her life between Arkansas, Illinois and the East Coast.

And the punchline:

Clinton is a linguistic polyglot—a Chicago native turned New York resident who works in Washington and spent two decades living in Arkansas when her husband, Bill Clinton, was governor.

Linguistic polyglot? Is that a fancy way of saying she sounds like she has been smoking two packs Marlboro Lights a day while sitting in a trailer park watching Jeff Foxworthy videos?

Don't forget this is a real news story. The blogosphere attacks Hillary for being fake [an endless job, I know] and here comes the mainstream press to rescue her. Unbelievable. In my opinion, this is how the article should have been written:

Clinton Admits She's A Fool

After a couple of failed attempts to thaw her cold, hearted, bitch persona, Hillary Clinton announced she really botched her bogus, southern drawl.

"I was simply brown nosing the black southern voters and by doing so I thought must sound like I dropped out of school in the sixth grade," Clinton said, "however I do think America is ready for a multi fraudulent President."

Clinton is a fictitious, panderer - a Chicago native who married a man she believed would give her the greatest chance at power. She lived in Arkansas for many years broking shady land deals while allowing her husband, Bill Clinton, to sleep with everything that moved in exchange for his promise of supporting her in a future Presidential run. Masquerading as southerner isn't Clinton's only artificial facade as she has been pretending to be a New Yorker for six years now while serving as their Senator.