A young lady of Seville...

...would not think of attending the bullfights at the Maestranza ring without the traditional high comb...OMG, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?!?!

The Spin Cycle

When I first read this story I thought I was on the The Onion website, then I realized it was, in fact, an Associated Press article. In all fairness, it's pretty hard to tell the difference:

Clinton Says Her Southern Twang a Virtue

Democratic presidential hopeful Hillary Rodham Clinton said Friday she sees her sometimes Southern accent as a virtue.

"I think America is ready for a multilingual president," Clinton said during a campaign stop at a charter school in Greenville, S.C.

The New York senator—who said she's been thinking about critics who've suggested that she tried to put on a fake Southern accent in Selma, Ala.—noted that she's split her life between Arkansas, Illinois and the East Coast.

And the punchline:

Clinton is a linguistic polyglot—a Chicago native turned New York resident who works in Washington and spent two decades living in Arkansas when her husband, Bill Clinton, was governor.

Linguistic polyglot? Is that a fancy way of saying she sounds like she has been smoking two packs Marlboro Lights a day while sitting in a trailer park watching Jeff Foxworthy videos?

Don't forget this is a real news story. The blogosphere attacks Hillary for being fake [an endless job, I know] and here comes the mainstream press to rescue her. Unbelievable. In my opinion, this is how the article should have been written:

Clinton Admits She's A Fool

After a couple of failed attempts to thaw her cold, hearted, bitch persona, Hillary Clinton announced she really botched her bogus, southern drawl.

"I was simply brown nosing the black southern voters and by doing so I thought must sound like I dropped out of school in the sixth grade," Clinton said, "however I do think America is ready for a multi fraudulent President."

Clinton is a fictitious, panderer - a Chicago native who married a man she believed would give her the greatest chance at power. She lived in Arkansas for many years broking shady land deals while allowing her husband, Bill Clinton, to sleep with everything that moved in exchange for his promise of supporting her in a future Presidential run. Masquerading as southerner isn't Clinton's only artificial facade as she has been pretending to be a New Yorker for six years now while serving as their Senator.

Flag On The Play: Excessive Use Of Irony

DNC Dean Says Giuliani's 'Personal Life Is A Serious Problem'

Democratic party chairman Howard Dean said on Thursday that Rudy Giuliani "personal life is a serious problem."

Dean sent the warning on CNN's SITUATION ROOM with host Wolf Blitzer.

Chariman Dean said the former New York City Mayor "has a lot of character issues that he has to answer for. And overwhelmingly, Americans are going to vote on honesty and integrity.... We've begun to reach out to evangelical Christians, and that's a real problem for him. His personal life is a serious problem for him."

This from the party of Bill Clinton? You've got to be fucking kidding me...

Wall Of Murder

Planned Genocide has put up a wailing wall for its' supporters. Get a Kleenex as the tears of self pity flow freely. I find it interesting that when the laws worked in their favor they constantly threw the legality of abortion in the face of pro-lifers. But now that the Supreme Court has ruled otherwise on the inhumane practice of partial birth abortion, for some reason laws should no longer apply. Funny how that works...

I would tell the liberals to "suck it," but I am afraid they'd kill a baby just to spite me.

H/T: Doug Powers

Corn Beltway Boys Cordless Power Tool Of The Week: Keith Olbermann

If only the liberals would fight the war on terror like they fight the Republicans...

Here are a few Keith Olbermann's quotes about Rudy Giuliani saying a Democratic victory in 2008 will bring another 9/11:

Only in this America of the early 21st century could it be true that the man who was President during the worst attack on our nation and the man who was the mayor of the city in which that attack principally unfolded would not only be absolved of any and all blame for the unreadiness of their own governments, but, moreover, would thereafter be branded heroes of those attacks.

Who playing politics now Keith? Somehow Rudy is to blame for 9/11? What the hell? I mean God forbid we place the blame on the terrorists you fucking egoistical asshole.

And now, that mayor, whose most profound municipal act in the wake of that nightmare was to suggest the postponement of the election to choose his own successor, has gone even a step beyond these M.C. Escher constructions of history. 'If any Republican is elected president, and I think obviously I would be best at this, we will remain on offense and we will anticipate what (the terrorists) will do and try to stop them before they do it.' Insisting that the election of any Democrat would mean the country was 'back on defense,' Mr. Giuliani continued last night: 'But the question is how long will it take and how many casualties will we have? If we are on defense, we will have more losses and it will go on longer.'

In aftermath of 9/11 and all that Rudy Giuliani did, Keith chooses to only focus on the postponement of the elections? Olbermann has definitely gone beyond his usual Salvador Dali constructions of history.

At least that Republican president under which we have not been safer has, even at his worst, maintained some microscopic distance between himself and a campaign platform that blithely threatened the American people with 'casualties' if they, next year, elect a Democratic president or, inferring from Mr. Giuliani's flights of grandeur in New Hampshire last night, even if they elect a different Republican.

Did I miss another 9/11? Not safer? How do quantify that? I would love to hear how we are not any safer. Keith rants about politics of fear, but then offers no proof to his own outlandish claims. God how I do love irony.

How dare you, sir? 'How many casualties will we have?' This is the language of bin Laden. Yours, Mr. Giuliani, is the same chilling nonchalance of the madman, of the proselytizer who has moved from even some crude framework of politics and society, into a virtual Roman Colosseum of carnage, and a conceit over your own ability, and worthiness, to decide who therein lives and who dies. Rather than a reasoned discussion, rather than a political campaign advocating your own causes and extolling your own qualifications, you have bypassed all the intermediate steps and moved directly to trying to terrorize the electorate into viewing a vote for a Democrat not as a reasonable alternative and an inalienable right, but as an act of suicide.

How can Olbermann have an integrity left after comparing a great American like Rudy Giuliani to Osama Bin Laden simply because he doesn't agree with Giuliani's assessment of the Democrat's policies on terrorism? You what Keith? You're no different than Joseph Goebbels. How do you like analogies now?

'The Democrats do not understand the full nature and scope of the terrorist war against us,' Mr. Giuliani continued to the Rockingham County Lincoln Day Dinner last night. 'Never, ever again will this country be on defense waiting for (terrorists) to attack us, if I have anything to say about it. And make no mistake,' he concluded, 'the Democrats want to put us back on defense.'There is no room for this. This is terrorism itself, dressed up as counter-terrorism. It is not warning, but bullying, substituted for the political discourse now absolutely essential to this country's survival and the freedom of its people

Bullying? Terrorism? Keith has ranted for so long that his diatribe has become what he originally set out to condemn. According the Olbermann it's wrong for Rudy to say America will be safer with a Republican President, but somehow it's fine to call Giuliani a terrorist. Oh, the bleepin' irony.

Franklin Roosevelt's words ring true again tonight. And, clarified and amplified, they are just as current now as they were when first he spoke them 74 years ago. 'We have nothing to fear but fear itself,' and those who would exploit our fear, for power and for their own personal, selfish, cynical gain. Good night and good luck.

First of all, take you Edward R. Murrow impression and shove it. I've seen Edward R. Murrow deliver a newscaster and you sir are no Edward R. Murrow. Hell, you're not even Katie Couric. Ironic again is the fact that Olbermann would use Roosevelt as an example after spending so much time berating the Republicans for stripping away civil liberties. Apparently history wasn't one of Keith's strong points in school, because Roosevelt quickly rounded up many Japanese living in America after Pearl Harbor and put them internment camps. But why let a little thing like fact interfer with perfectly good soap box hysteria?

Did I miss the memo stating why I should friggin' care what a tool like Keith Olbermann says? If Keith Olbermann is a legitimate newscaster then so is the Corn Beltway Boys. Apparently Keith is as good at reporting the news as he is in bed.

Reprinted for the Corn Beltway Boys.

Hillarity

When I hear Hillary Clinton start to talk about cleaning up government abuses, it's hard not to laugh. I mean is she talking about her husband's presidency or Bush's? That whole "people in glass house shouldn't throw stones" thing...



And she didn't just mention the rug in the Oval Office did she? Seriously...did she forget what her husband did in there?

News Flash: Giuliani warns of 'new 9/11' if Dems win

And this news why?

Lets see...the Democrats have spent the last two plus years saying we are losing the war in Iraq. Harry Reid is on record saying we have "lost." They oppose the Patriot Act. In fact they oppose most of the measures the Bush administration have enacted since 9/11. Given a chance most Democrats wish to revert back to a pre-9/11 mindset. Hell, they even want to set a timetable for retreat.

I am sorry, but do any of those positions help keep us safe? Last time I checked there hasn't been another 9/11...hence the problem I suppose. Out of sight, out of mind.

Thank you Rudy for saying what needs to be said...

Victory Is Not An Option

Harry Reid and the Democrats say the war is lost, though I am not exactly sure how they would know that...

What's curious is that congressional Democrats don't seem much interested in what's actually happening in Iraq. The commander in Iraq, Gen. David Petraeus, returns to Washington this week, but last week Pelosi's office said "scheduling conflicts" prevented him from briefing House members. Two days later, the members-only meeting was scheduled, but the episode brings to mind the fact that Pelosi and other top House Democrats skipped a Pentagon videoconference with Petraeus on March 8.

What the hell is more important than hearing Gen. Petraeus' assessment of the war? What?!? Damn it, I want to know! It's fine to be a coward Defeatocrat, but there are men dying everyday so they can have a campaign platform to run on, so I would like to think they should be able to find a few minutes to listen to Petraeus talk.

As Howard Dean once said: "I have not yet begun to not fight!"

Right Analogy, Wrong Conclusion

The Des Moines Register editorial board is known for believing every problem in the world can be solved with greater government involvement. Utopia for the Register would be the day when the private sector is eliminated. I had to laugh today when I read their editorial stance on wanting the government to negotiate drug prices:

Sen. Charles Grassley exposed the scandal of the Pentagon paying $600 for toilet seats. He is angered by certain corporate tax loopholes and has built a reputation as a maverick for going after waste and abuse.

Yet when it comes to the Medicare drug benefit, he protects drug-company profits rather than the public purse.

Grassley last week led the charge in the Senate to prevent the federal government from negotiating Medicare prescription-drug prices. Supporters were unable to marshal the 60 votes needed to move a bill that would have allowed negotiation toward a final vote.

So wait...the Register just gave Grassley props for exposing government wastefulness, then uses that example as spring board as to why they believe the government should handle drug price negotiations? According to the Register the government can't handle bartering the price of a toilet seat, so this would obviously make them perfectly suited to negotiate drug prices.

Oww...the pain...quick pass me the duct tape.

Holy Overreaction, Batman!

Valley student charged with harassment

A Valley High School student faces a harassment charge after he wrote a threatening message on a bathroom wall at the school Friday, police officials released today.

Griffin Shea Huth, 16, of 533 Eighth St. in West Des Moines, admitted to police that he wrote, “I am going to kill (everyone) today at 2 lunch,” about 9:30 a.m., West Des Moines Police Lt. Jeff Miller said.

Huth allegedly wrote the message and then reported it to school administrators.

“He did it so they would dismiss class,” Miller said.

Huth faces a charge of first-degree harassment, which is punishable by up to two years in prison if he’s tried as an adult. Miller said the matter will be referred to juvenile court.

Virginia Tech or not, can we please have a measure of common sense returned to our society? Perhaps if it was shown the Huth had the means to carryout his prank I would understand pressing charges, but since this was nothing more than a stupid teenager looking to get out of a test I think everyone needs to settle down.

Reprinted from The Corn Beltway Boys

This Word "Illegal," I Don't Think It Means What You Think It Means

No Need over at the Century of The No Common Sense Iowan recently attended a Tom Tancredo political rally. I applaud him for venturing out and attempting to see other points of view. For this, he earned a measure of respect from me. But...and there's always a but right?

He took exception to one of Tancredo's response about immigration:

Tancredo had a lot of stories about immigrants who receive all of the health care they need. I can't argue that a large number of immigrants do not have health insurance and receive some sort of health care. However, the quality of that care is not as good as the health care people with insurance have. Also, it is morally wrong to deny health care or education for that matter to people based on the fact their skin is a different color, they speak a different language, and they come (or their parents come) from a different country.

Morally wrong? Morally wrong?

Then is it morally wrong for me to walk out of a clinic and not pay the bill? Is it morally wrong for me to walk out of Target and not buy the goods? Is it morally wrong for me to not contribute to society but leach off of it?

My desire to deny health care or education to illegal immigrants has nothing to do with their skin color, speaking a different language, or that they come from a different country. No. My anger towards illegal immigrants focuses on the word "illegal." As in they are in this country "illegally" and as such are not entitled to this same privileges as the rest of us.

I am silly like that...I am morally wrong for expecting people to follow the laws.

Reprinted from the Corn Beltway Boys

Vanity

Old and busted Jeremie:



New hotness:

75 pounds off...goals to be shattered and new ones to be made.

Don't Mess With Texas...Or The Children

There are days when I miss living in Texas:

Backers of a Senate bill to toughen punishment for child-sex offenders said they've reached a deal that would permit the death penalty for offenders who repeatedly prey on children.

The compromise bill, which was distributed to Senate members on Tuesday, would allow the death penalty only for those twice convicted of raping a child 13 or younger. It also boosts mandatory minimum sentences for a variety of sex crimes against children.

The House passed its version of the bill, dubbed Jessica's Law, last month. It carries a minimum of 25 years to life in prison on a first conviction and possibly the death penalty for a second offense.

I have always maintained that rape, as far as capital crimes go, is quite possibly worse than murder...at least when your dead the pain and suffering ends. So hearing about Texas proposing execution for repeat child molesters is like music to my ears. My only problem is why does it have to be "repeat" offenders? Isn't once enough.

I don't know if you guys know this our not, but Iowa has a limited death penalty for child sex offenders. Yeah, yeah it an obscure law that states "if you sexually molest one of Jeremie's kids you will be shot in the head."

H/T: Doug Powers

Permit To Carolyn

I suppose it would be asking too much for representatives in congress to actually understand the bills they sponsor?



For the record, a barrel shroud is a piece of cloth that guns can wear to keep other guns from getting turned on by the sexy long barrels.

...Those Who Kean't,Teach

Kean University just announced disgraced former New Jersey governor, James McGreevey, will be teaching a course on ethics. No word on whether or not "Understanding Irony 101" is a prerequisite for the class.

What's next? Mark Foley lecturing on how to spot a sexual predator?

Slipping In Elephant Dung

Pick up a newspaper or stream through the political blogs and you will pick up the tremors predicting a possible Fred Thompson campaign for President. So called ultra conservatives have been experiencing about a three month long hard-on for Thompson, believing he is some sort of mythical Cialis for all things conservatives. I've got to be honest, I am hard pressed to figure out why. I realize my support of Giuliani gives me a myopic view of the other candidates, but lets review Fred's history.

He was an actor in some movies that I have been known to watch. Of his acting career prior to politics I see only one real obstacle: Aces: Iron Eagle III. Then in 1994 he replaces Al Gore as a Tennessee senator when Gore joined Clinton in the White House. During his eight years as a Senator, Thompson had many opportunity to lay a foundation of his core beliefs. However he didn't and instead spent a large amount of time investigating Clinton. At every turn where Fred could have stood for something, he deferred.

I am starting to think there are no real conservatives in this country with a brain. The only real reason Fred Thompson is a viable candidate is because other Republicans believe none of the declared candidates are "conservative" enough. Get a grip people. Maybe Giuliani is pro-choice, but almost all of his other actions are decidedly conservative. Plus he has a record on issues that can be referenced; both good and bad. With Thompson what I am supposed to do? Pop in a DVD of Law and Order and hope I can gleam some insight through his mannerisms? Or hope he rules over America like he rules over Cole Trickle in Days of Thunder?

Here is the hard fact for every conservative / Republican reading this: a Hillary/Obama ticket will be damn near impossible to beat in November 2008. We need a moderate Republican in order to have any chance to sway the independent voters. The next election is not going to be kind to conservatives and you can blame Bush's approval rating for that. While I support the President, the only way there will be any type of Republican leadership after 2008 is if we move back towards the center. No, that does not mean compromising our morals or principles. It means electing politicians that have the ability to appeal to moderates. And if Fred Thompson is a "true conservative" he won't be able to do that, because his political stance would be to far to the right for the average voter.

Lower taxes and smaller government are the foundations for why I am a Republican and why I support Rudy Giuliani. I consider myself a very conservative person, but I am not going to wander around looking for a mythical, non-existent, bipartisan, perfect conservative while squabbling over systematics.

Losers Love Company

It started with Jaques...he joined MySpace and in order to comment you must have a MySpace account. So I joined. I felt my soul corrupt and become tainted as soon as I hit the submit button.

Here is my profile...I am whoring myself to be your friend.

Don't make me grovel, you know you're MySpace loser too...

On the upside, MySpace is a wicked place to find new bands.

A Simple Solution...

In the wake of the shootings at Virginia Tech, may politicians and pundits have called for stronger gun laws or even rescinding the second amendment entirely. To that I say: "makes perfect sense to me." If guns are illegal then no criminal can get them...just like illegal immigrants are illegal so they can't get in the country.

Permit me a counter thought on the whole gun issue. What if instead of being a gun free zone, VT allowed them? Then maybe Seung Hui Cho wouldn't have been the only one with a gun.

Just throwing that out there...

A Little Morality Returns To Society

While I am not an overly religious person I do have strong beliefs that stem from the Christian faith. So if you will permit me a soap box stage for a moment, I believe that the liberalization of our culture is leading us into ruin. The more we disregard our moral foundations in this country the more we slowly kill our way of life.

It comes down to responsibility; or more correctly, the ducking of personal responsibility. Abortion is one of those ills that snags on the moral fabric of our society and unravels it. You want choices? How about not having sex until you are mature enough to handle the consequences of a possible pregnancy? How about using protection? How about only having sex with someone you're in a relationship with? Do I preach? Too bad, the whole purpose of sex is create life. As humans we may derive pleasure from it, but that doesn't strip away its' intended function.

Abortion supposedly corrects all those bad decisions or at least it corrects those decision physically but not mentally. The deep scars that linger in the psyche of a women who has killed he own child will never go away. And that stain repaints the world in which she lives.

Today the Supreme Court delivered a little morality back into America by upholding the ban on partial birth abortions. The abhorred practice usually applies to those abortions outside the first 12 weeks of gestation. Three months? A third of total human pregnancy is over and yet until recently it was perfectly legal to kill the infant. Sick. Deprived. And wrong.

Let me leave you with this picture [the link is graphic]:

The procedure at issue involves partially removing the fetus intact from a woman's uterus, then crushing or cutting its skull to complete the abortion.

The procedure at issue involves partially removing the fetus intact from a woman's uterus, then crushing or cutting its skull to complete the abortion.

The procedure at issue involves partially removing the fetus intact from a woman's uterus, then crushing or cutting its skull to complete the abortion.

Do you want to live in a society where this type of practice is legal?

NY Times: For All Your Virginia Shooting News

I found this slightly disturbing [click to enlarge]:

I guess you can "sponsor" anything these days...

Do I As I Say

Hypocrisy. F-ing liberal hypocrisy.

Michael Moore takes a group of 9/11 first responders to Cuba for medical treatment. A fine and noble move if it was purely for the betterment of the men's health instead of a whoring political stunt to promote his newest "documentary." Alright liberal Democrats, I am officially waiting for your condemnation of Moore as you are now on the clock. Bush ran campaign ads depicting his leadership during September 11th and the backlash was instantaneous. Rudy Giuliani is running for the Presidency and people are constantly asking whether it's morally right to use the backdrop of 9/11 in a political campaign. While Bush and Giuliani were thrust into 9/11 not by choice but by their leadership roles, Moore's only connection to 9/11 is one of profit. Where's the outrage from the left? Where? Damn it where?

Don Imus is a dumb ass, out of work bigot. He has been a bigot for years, he just happens to be out of work now. Every liberal candidate ran to the nearest microphone and talk show to get their opinion of Imus out to the masses. Hell, Hillary was even suppose to speak at Rutgers University to help the healing process through fund raising. Typical. However, where's the backlash to rap music? Hillary just held a supper for campaign donors with entertainment supplied by rapper, Timbaland. You want more "hos" and a "niggas" than a lifetime of Imus bad, tasteless jokes? Then pop in a Timbaland CD. It's all good of course as long as he's writes you a check for your Presidential campaign run. Apparently Clinton's conscious can be bought for a few thousand dollars. But then we already knew that...

Poets Of The Fall - Carnival Of Rust

When I first met my cousin Tammy's husband Jamey at my 16th birthday supper, I quickly learned that we shared very similar tastes in music. At the time, Operation: Mindcrime was a fairly new album and to find another Queensryche fan was really cool. Over the years we have thrown each other new bands that we have found and more often than not I end up finding a new musical addiction. This weekend we hung out together after meeting Rudy Giuliani and he told about a band called Poets of the Fall. Rock, maybe hard rock but damn stylish, but definitely my kind of music.

Here is there music video for the title track off their newest album:



In all truthfulness I didn't met Jamey for the first time on 16th birthday, but it's probably the first time he can remember. The other time was during a party of Tammy's house and Jamey was drunk playing Super Mario Bros...good times...good times.

Iran Abandons Nuclear Weapons And Aquires Fox News

Tehran, Iran [CBB] - Iranian newspaper, Kayhan, is reporting that President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has abandoned his nuclear ambitions while choosing to pursue another sinister method of mass destruction: Fox News. After witnessing almost every Democratic Presidential candidate run scared from potential debates sponsored by the right leaning cable news station, Ahmadinejad realized that earth scarring, radiation contaminating effects of atomic fallout were nothing compared to the destruction of Bill O'Reilly and just one of his monologues.

"With a nightly line up of Hannity and Colmes, On The Record with Greta, and the O'Reilly Factor we can terrorize more Americans then if we released a dirty bomb in the middle of downtown Los Angeles," Ahmadinejad is quoted in Sunday's Kayhan, "By acquirng Fox News we can torture the infidel Americans on a nightly basis from 4PM to 8PM [please check your local listings].

Upon learning of Iran's acquisition of Fox News, Democratic leaders quickly changed their diplomatic stance. Gone were the pleas for international sanctions and open dialog only to be replaced by calls for war.

"We must remain on the offensive in the war on conservatism," Sen. Russ Feingold said during a taping of Anderson Cooper 360, "What's the good of having the world's most powerful military if we can't lob a few Tomahawk missiles and take out Geraldo while he talks with O'Reilly?

Rudy In Da Hizzle...Almost My Hizzle

On Tuesday morning I received a phone call from the Rudy Giuliani campaign asking if I would be interested in hosting a meet and greet event at my house. While trying to keep my voice from cracking with excitement like a teenage boy, I said yes. Hell, yes...I would be honored. Unfortunately things changed and instead of coming to Waukee, the Mayor is going to Grimes.

Almost famous...

The bright side to all of this is that I still get to invite about 10 ten people to come with me to Grimes and meeting Rudy. To say I am excited would be an understatement. However, I am trying to mute that excitement until I actually meet him, because like I just said...things change.

The campaign staff told me that they would like to still use my house for a future meeting, but I suspect that is similar to me telling someone "I'll keep your resume on file." There's always hope, right? Heck, I would even be honored if Bill Clinton wanted to visit my house, of course I would have to change the bed sheets when he left.

When Rudy campaign staffer, Tony Delgado, first asked me if I was interested in hosting the Mayor I asked him if he was aware I could only vote once? I mean usually things like this require a little quid pro quo. Sure I could probably disenfranchise a few voters, but would the Rudy campaign still come out ahead?

In the end I consider it Rudy and his staffers' loss that they aren't coming to my house...I was going to let they play my Nintendo Wii. Heck I might have even thrown a game of Wii Tennis just to make Giuliani feel good. On second thought, who the heck I am kidding? I'll support and vote for Rudy, but I would kick his butt in Wii Sports...

Jordan And Mickey Mouse Tied for 10th Place In The GOP Presidential Candidacy Race

I don't want to get too excited, but a recent Gallop poll has shown some interesting developments. If I am reading the numbers correctly, it seems I have about the same likelihood of being the next US President as Sam Brownback and Mike Huckabee. Seriously guys...one percent? I haven't even held my announcement press conference yet which is sure to give me a polling statistical bump. Hell at this rate I will probably start to pass Mitt Romney even though he will have raised millions of dollars to my buck seventy five. I mean how harsh is it that Mitt is getting beat by two guys that haven't even announced they are running? Weak.

Rudy Giuliani
38

John McCain
16

Newt Gingrich
10

Fred Thompson
10

Mitt Romney
6

Tommy Thompson
2

Ron Paul
2

Tom Tancredo
2

George Pataki
2

Mike Huckabee
1

Jeremie Jordan
1

Mickey Mouse
1

Chuck Hagel
1

Sam Brownback
1

Duncan Hunter
1

Jim Gilmore
*

I Couldn't Have Written The Satire Better Myself...What? It's Not Satire?

This would be funny if it wasn't true.

WASHINGTON -- The CIA and Pentagon would for the first time be required to assess the national security implications of climate change under proposed legislation intended to elevate global warming to a national defense issue.

The bipartisan proposal, which its sponsors expect to pass the Congress with wide support, calls for the director of national intelligence to conduct the first-ever "national intelligence estimate" on global warming.

The effort would include pinpointing the regions at highest risk of humanitarian suffering and assessing the likelihood of wars erupting over diminishing water and other resources.

The measure also would order the Pentagon to undertake a series of war games to determine how global climate change could affect US security, including "direct physical threats to the United States posed by extreme weather events such as hurricanes."

Your local weatherman just become the new Jack Bauer.

Anyone up for a nice game of chess?

From The Socialist's Handbook

While I somewhat agree that changes to current Medicare system need to be made, I found this passage from the Des Moines Register's editorial board sadly humorous:

Perhaps it was the intent of the 2003 Congress to dismantle this public program through privatization [of Medicare].

Today's Congress should take steps to prevent that from happening.

Aaargh!! Quick, someone stop the privatization of government programs before they find a more cost efficient, better solution!

I feel like I am banging my head against the wall, but I can't make this clear enough: all problems are NOT solved by greater government involvement. Regardless of what the communists at the Register believe.

I Support Rudy Giuliani Because I Am Pro-Life

Take a deep breath and calm down.

The last few weeks have seen a constant onslaught of attacks towards Rudy Giuliani's "conservative" credentials. This is, of course, to be expected as he, is and will remain, the front runner for the Republican Presidential nomination. Where the real disconnect between Giuliani and the support from those on the Republican far right seems to be on the issues of abortion and gun control. I will not lie, those are two of the issues I disagree with Giuliani on as well, but neither one will stop me from voting for him.

Abortion is an abhorred practice that sacrifices one life for the supposed sanctity of another. For someone like myself who is against the practice, it is unfortunately perfectly legal in this country and likely to stay that way until the Supreme Court chimes in again. It simply won't matter who is President as the ground battle on abortion will be at the state level and in the courts. Had abortions stayed rare like they were when Roe V. Wade was first established in the early 70s, instead of the responsibility dodging form of birth control it has become today, then I would imagine it wouldn't have ever become such a hot topic issue. Consider this sobering fact: for every four children that are born in this country, there is one abortion. If you wanted an actual number instead of a percentage, try on this one on for size: there are about 1.3 million abortions every year in the US. It's those type of statistics that are what, in my opinion, has turned our society into one of depravity and irresponsibility.

And that's why I support Rudy, because I am pro-life. Confused? Let me explain. As I have stated before I support Giuliani because he has the results to back up his words. No one else in the Presidential candidacy field can say that. They can offer up their plans, but each one is built on a foundation of hopes and prayers, but no concrete proof. I want abortions to end, but I am also a realist. The complete overruling of Roe V. Wade is a pipe dream. However removing some of the contributing social factors that lead to abortions is a more realistic and obtainable goal.

Consider these statistics:

New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani’s Socially Conservative Reforms: 1993-2001

Abortions - total performed in NYC:

• 103,997 [1993]
• 86,466 [2001]
• -16.9%

Abortions - [Medicare funded]:

• 45,006 [1993]
• 34,772 [2001]
• -22.9%

Abortion ratio per live births:

• 890 [1993]
• 767 [2001]
• -13.8%

Welfare recipients:

• 1,112,490 [1993]
• 469,142 [2001]
• -57.8%

Welfare recipients placed in employment:

• 9,215 [1993]
• 151,376 [2001]
• +1542.7%

Unemployment rate:

• 10.4% [1993]
• 5.7% [2001]
• -42.5%

Total crimes:

• 600,346 [1993]
• 263,764 [2001]
• -56.1%

Name me one other conservative politician that decreased total abortions by almost 17% over an eight year period? McCain? Romney? Ultra conservative darling, Sam Brownback? Anyone can give lip service and claim to be conservative, but Pro-Choice Giuliani did more in eight years to curb abortion rates, then any conservative Republican has done in the last three decades. Is the only litmus test for being a conservative whether or not you're against abortion? I am guessing it must be, because until last November the Republican controlled congress was supposedly conservative. Other than a hand full of Republicans in the US House and Senate before 2006 most of them would have called themselves "pro-life," but I counter that few of them were actually really conservative. I am sorry, but being conservative goes a little deeper than one issue and three wives.

While the rest of the conservative field talks about ending abortion, I'll follow behind Giuliani as he dramatically decreases it. One approach makes for a nice advertising tagline that appeals to pro-life voters, the other approach saves lives. I'd prefer to be proactive by changing what you can. Most pro-life supporters only real contribution to the cause is starting a dead pool on the remaining liberal Supreme Court justices every time they get a sniffle or a cough.

And let me leave you with this hard truth: Giuliani is correct, abortion is currently a constitutional right. Any infringement on that would be a violation of the law. Nothing like getting smeared for stating he would uphold the law.

So what do you want: lip service or real social change that decreases the number of abortions? Or maybe labels and tags such as "pro-life" mean more to you than the lives of the unborn.

Why Yes, As A Matter Of Fact, I Did Mean Cheat Culver...

The Des Moines Register's in depth coverage is a little bit more thorough than I thought...

Peloser

Nancy Pelosi meet the Logan Act.

But apparently trampling on US laws isn't Pelosi's only trick:

Prime Minister Olmert denies peace message to Assad

The Prime Minister's Office issued a rare "clarification" Wednesday that, in gentle diplomatic terms, contradicted US Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi's statement in Damascus that she had brought a message from Israel about a willingness to engage in peace talks.

You know Pelosi fucked up when even the USA Today is condemning her:

Like it or not (and we do not), President Bush's policy has been to refuse to negotiate with Syria until it changes its behavior.

I thought she was a fool before, but this seals it.

However what seals Pelosi's actions as stupid is the fact that Jimmy Carter approves it. Need I say more?

Can I Get A PC Word For War?

Because if it doesn't have a catch phrase name, then maybe it doesn't exist...

The House Armed Services Committee is banishing the global war on terror from the 2008 defense budget.

This is not because the war has been won, lost or even called off, but because the committee’s Democratic leadership doesn’t like the phrase.

A memo for the committee staff, circulated March 27, says the 2008 bill and its accompanying explanatory report that will set defense policy should be specific about military operations and “avoid using colloquialisms.”

The government uses 'colloquialisms' all the time, but when it comes to war they draw the line.

Thoughts On The Rudy Rally

As I showed up for the Rudy Giuliani speech at Valley High School in West Des Moines, I was expecting the usual conservative rally items like: burning crosses, kleagle hats, and the blood of the poor and wretched. Unfortunately I must have got the event at little later than I thought, because there were no crosses, hats or blood left, which was a major disappointment to my wife who attending her first political rally.

The information I received about the event stated that doors would open at 5:30PM and Giuliani would speak at 6:30PM. Of course I knew 6:30 really meant no earlier than 6:45, but it quickly [sorry wrong descriptive word...insert slowly for quickly] turned into 7:30. Yeah, it was a long boring wait. No wait scratch that, it was an excruciating long and boring wait. A looped track of every stereotypical conservative country song, minus the Dixie Chicks, played monotonously turning the minutes into hours. I knew the wait was getting bad when the songs started to repeat themselves [I know all country music songs repeat themselves, but I mean it literally this time]. I swore to my wife if I had to hear Alan Jackson's Itty Bitty one more time I was going to vote for Hillary; and at the time I was serious. Hell, I am half serious now.

In an effort to pass the time, my wife and I played a game of "Celebrity Look-A-Like." We found a dead ringer of Tim Curry, a so-so John Kerry/Lurch, the real Jerry Springer [I swear to God, it was Jerry Springer...it was a Giuliani rally after all] and not to mention the entire casts of Will and Grace and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy [once again it was a Giuliani rally after all...not that there's anything wrong with that].

Let me make this clear to any Rudy staffer that might be reading this: chairs are not socialist, communist, liberal tools. Chairs are nonpartisan and should be used. When the elderly are leaving because they can longer stand...to...um...stand, it's time to put out a folding chair or fifty. I get; the Rudy campaign wanted their precious press release photo opportunity, however as I reported earlier the Des Moines Register didn't cover the event anyway so they should have at least provided a freakin' chair. I bet Hillary's rally had chairs, if not cots [I would use a Hillary speech to overcome insomnia if it wasn't for the nightmares it might cause]. Photo ops. are nice, but Republicans need to understand they will never have the large audiences that Democrats play to because of one very important reason: Republicans have jobs. Democrats attend rallies in droves, if for no other reason than than to support their gravy train existence. Republican rallies should always show their attendance numbers like this:

The Rudy Giuliani in West Des Moines on Tuesday night event drew over 400 people*

* indicates the actual number of people in attendance, but does not include the 100, 000 that would have attended if they weren't tired from working all day.

For all my bitching, when Rudy finally took the stage it was worth it. He's a politician, I get that; but I like the fact that he's not as polished as most politicians. That's not to say his speech wasn't engaging, just the opposite; but it wasn't perfect. The words didn't always flow and some of the analogies were weak, but it was real. I am tired of perfect scripted bullshit from politicians telling me exactly what I want to hear. I want a leader will to confront me with the things I don't want to hear [but need to hear]; Giuliani is that person.

Giuliani is running on his leadership skills, which are vast and certainly unequaled by any of the other candidates in this campaign cycle. His record in New York can not be debate even by the most cynical among us. You can disagree with some of his tactics and decisions [both personal and public] but you CAN'T dispute the results. You can't, so just stop it; will save you the time of looking foolish.

Rudy had a great command of the audience and even stepped out from behind the podium. It was when he was walking around in front of the crowd when he appeared most comfortable. Stick with that approach Rudy. He focused on two things: fiscal restraint and staying on the offensive on the war on terrorism. I thought I was going to tear up...it was beautiful to hear a conservative say such things again. I damn I am getting all choked up just remembering it. Fiscal restraint...sniffle. Once again, while most Republicans will try to make the same case as Rudy, only Giuliani has the results to back it up.

The only other disappointment outside of the chairs, was that I missed all the protesters save one. I met a lady from Iowans For Sensible Priorities who wants to take a portion of the Pentagon budget and use it for social services like universal health care. She showed me a pie chart [which you can view on the website]which was printed on a gingerbread cookie and said we only need a small portion of the Pentagon's money for fund her pet projects. I felt a little sorry for her, because after just a few questions from me she was stumbling for answers. She clearly had a predetermined speech and was unable to work off the cuff. I only asked her things like: which part of the Pentagon's budget, in her opinion, would be suitable for cuts? Border defense? Troop benefits? Homeland security? No response. Then I asked her why we couldn't cut funding to the other side of her graph from such things as social services and administrative costs? She stammered, because "those things are all good." All good? All other areas of the federal government besides the Pentagon are so well managed that no cuts can be made? Again no answer. She quickly left me as a reporter from the Iowa State journalism department came up to us in mid conservation. Unfortunately for her, he grilled her harder than I did.

An event this early in the election cycle is not without it's faults, but it allowed me an opportunity to personally see the man I support for President. It reaffirmed my beliefs. It also reaffirmed my belief that chairs are wonderful inventions and listening to an hour and a half of country music is enough to make me vote Democrat.

The Liberal Ragister

I went and saw Rudy Giuliani speak last night, but I will have more on that in a post later today. I should be clear though, I think I saw Rudy speak last night. The reason for my hesitation stems from the fact that I am not sure the event took place. Why do you ask? Well, no less than four 2008 Presidential candidates spoke in Iowa yesterday [yes it's curse of living in Iowa], but Register apparently only had the staff to cover three of them:

Edwards crowd zeroes in on issues
Clinton urges prevention of Bush veto
Biden: No president is above the law

Now help me out here, but does anyone notice a common link between three people listed? Anyone?

Scenes From An Iowa Family

A man and his young son were in their minivan traveling to the local mall to walk around bored while four women window shop for hours in stores like Pottery Barn and Bath & Body Works. Both the father and the boy were quietly trying to prepare their mindset for the grueling afternoon that undoubtedly lay before them. Then silence was broken by the boy's cousin riding with them who tried to convince the boy of something the boy knew to be false.

"Don't believe everything you read or here," the boy responded to his cousin.

In the front of the van the father, upon hearing his son's words,` raised his head a little higher while smiling a little wider. The man was amused that after countless attempts to penetrate his son's skull with wisdom in between the boy's Super Smash Bros. Melee matches had finally paid off. The father hoped that his son's new found knowledge and skepticism would help him as he proceeds through life and further into the liberal abyss known as the public school system.

However the man was jolted back into the moment, unaware his son hadn't completely finished his thought.

"But Britney Spears is shaved bald, that much is true."

After regaining control of swerving van, the father shared a good laugh with his son. And he was careful to make sure the boy was speaking of Britney's shaved head, thus preparing his son for the same question that was sure to come from his mother.

Why I Won't Vote For McCain

Reason #1564: Contemplated leaving the Republican party.

From The Daily Oakland Press [2004]:
McCain has said he would not run with Kerry, but last month he renewed speculation when he was asked on ABC's "Good Morning America" whether he would consider running with Kerry. He replied, "Obviously, I would entertain it."

From The Hill:
“Look,” McCain said on the radio show, “I was approached by Democrats, sure. I was approached by Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.) to run as his running mate in 2004 and I rejected it out of hand.”Laughing, McCain added, “It was the smartest thing I ever did.”

Let me be clear, I am not upset with McCain contemplated leaving the Republican party, hell I do that on a daily basis. What concerns me is that he was contemplating leaving the Republican party to join John Freakin' Kerry.

And to be fair though, when McCain says it's the 'smartest thing' he's ever done [saying no to Kerry], it's not like he has a large collection of 'smart things' to pull from.