Caution: Media Bias Ahead

Rather than focus on actual numbers and statistics, NY Times decided to use good old fashioned public opinion. In a speech on Friday, Bush painted a very positive outlook on our economy, which for some reason the Times doesn't want to believe as true. The nation added 215,000 jobs in November and the economy is growing a 4.3% annual rate.

Yeah, yeah the numbers tell one story, but what about the average, economist citizens, what do they think? Well, NYT is there for you in a time of crisis and good news. Rather than have a 100% positive story they stick in this poll:

An ABC News/Washington Post poll last month found that 52 percent of Americans believe that the economy is getting worse, compared with 18 percent who think it is getting better. Sixty-four percent of respondents said the economy was not good or poor. A Harris poll last month found that 68 percent of Americans believe that the country is on the wrong track. Mr. Bush's approval rating last month for his handling of the economy stood at 37 percent in an Associated Press/Ipsos poll. (please notice the poll was conducted last month and not based on the information Bush was using in his speech).

Brian, over at the Iowa Voice sums it up pretty well:

I swear, they want people to think we're in the middle of the Great Depression, here. If there's a report of higher employment, they start talking about inflation. If there's talk about home buying being up, why then, the interest rates are going to skyrocket. If there's not a lot of houses being sold, then the bubble has burst. And on and on and on.

In A Word Side Note: This Times article covering Bush's speech on the economy attacks the President for not mentioning the US soldiers that died on Friday. Huh? Maybe the Bush Administration believes there is a better time and a better place to honor our fallen troops.

Grieving Father to his wife: "Hey, honey come here. I know Jimmy was just killed in action, but the President made some very touching and emotional comments in between referencing the consumer index and the Dow Jones Industrial Average."

Further In A Word Side Note: And maybe, just maybe the families hadn't even been notified by the Defense Department yet about their son's deaths. Alright I'll stop now, I am obviously over analyzing the New York Times' true intent.

Attention Terrorist: Please Do Not Use Small Scissors or Light Tools To Hijack Airplanes

So, I started thinking about some of my most prized liberties that have been either taken or diminished since the attacks on 9/11. You know, things that really affect my everyday life and truly define what it means to be an American and free.

Well, as luck would have it the Transportation Security Administration must have been pondering that very same question. The founding fathers would be so proud to know we can once again carry small scissors and tools aboard airplanes. Give me Liberty (and a small tool kit so I can do some light mechanical work at 10,000 feet) or give me death. That Patrick Henry sure knew what he was talking about in 1775.

I have flown a few times since September 11th and never once have I felt the need for a pair of scissors or a crescent wrench. A few extra batteries sure, but a flat head screw driver? Why take the chance? Why change? This is a right and privilege I will surrender to the government if it makes the airlines more safe. Lil' Suzie can make her paper dolls when the plane lands safely.

Briefly...

Opposition parties in Venezuela are boycotting the upcoming elections. Who's at fault behind the political unrest? Well, President Bush of course. It would seem Democrats aren't the only ones that like to blame the President their own inadequacies. Now "dictators" are getting into the act. In related news, John Kerry is currently flying to Caracas to hold a news conference.

Because In A Word works so you don't have to, here is President Bush's National Strategy for Victory in Iraq. Please pay special attention to the fact this document has been around since 2003. Huh, I thought we didn't have a plan. I am beginning to think the literacy rate in the US is higher than reported, because this little report is pretty straight forward. Maybe you need some neato Democrat decoder ring to uncover the buried Bush lies? I, on the other hand, decided to just use my knowledge of the English language and just read it.

The US Celebrates 1,000th Execution

A mist the pomp and circumstance at a state prison in North Carolina, a milestone was reached. The United States executed its' 1,000th scumbag since we reinstated the death penalty in 1976.

"Really, this is the pinnacle of almost 30 years of effort on the part of law enforcement and the criminal element in this country. Quite frankly, it took both parties working together to achieve an average of 33 executions a year," an unidentified, unconfirmed source within the North Carolina State Penitentiary said today at the celebration party after Kenneth Lee Boyd became the big 1-0-0-0. "You should try the punch and my wife baked the cookies."

Generally executions garner very little interest beyond the local news, however with records failing in North Carolina, the nation rushed to be part of the festivities. People from all over the country were in attendance some from as far away as Texas, New Hampshire, Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, Michigan and Illinois. Bus tours originating for Washington D.C. brought area citizens from Fredericksburg and Richmond.

"I am guessing there will be some pretty crazy parties tonight. You can just feel the electricity in the air. I can think of only one person who will be getting a good solid, deep sleep tonight," North Carolina Governor Michael Easley said while mingling with the rest of the crowd. "You hate to wait 30 years for this type of excitement, but unfortunately we have lawyers in this country, so things move a little slower that you would like. By the way you should really try the cookies, they are wonderful."

The person of the hour was evicted killer Kenneth Lee Boyd. Boyd never one to bask in the personal glory of historic milestones said, ""I'd hate to be remembered as that. I don't like the idea of being picked as a number." Yes, modest and humble to the end.

Boyd continued, "I mean I killed two people in like 10 seconds with about 25 bullets. Now that is a record. The quick thinking I did on the spot to concoct an alibi of heavy alcohol abuse was one of my more glorious moments also."

Boyd's record was in doubt until Tuesday when Virginia Gov. Mark Warner spared the life of killer Robin Lovett preventing Lovett from dying to win.

"I didn't get caught up in the moment. I mean sure, I wanted the record, but my day will come someday," Lovett said, reflecting on his brush will history. "I mean, someone has to be 1,001 and it might as well be me. And believe me, Kenny was a horrible man, it is just a honor to be mentioned with him."

Gettting a little caught up in the moment, Gov. Warner jumped up on a table wearing a lamp shade and addressed the crowd one last time. "You feel that?" Warner said while taking a really deep breath, "That is the rush of a little more air in your lungs as we have just eliminated another air sucking criminal from the world."

Correction: Not All Democrats Are Adrift Without A Real Position On Iraq

In A Word has uncovered a disturbing case which involves a Democrat thinking for himself and actually having a real position on the issues that lie before our nation.

Joseph Lieberman has written an op-ed piece for the Wall Street Journal, which paints very glowing picture of the progress in Iraq and where the country is headed. In fact, it reads like a Republican wrote it:

"I have just returned from my fourth trip to Iraq in the last 17 months and can report real progress there. More work needs to be done, of course, but the Iraqi people are in reach of a watershed transformation from the primitive, killing
tyranny of Saddam to modern, self-governing, self-securing nationhood unless the great American military that has given them and us this unexpected opportunity is prematurely withdrawn."

"The progress in Iraq is visible and practical. Inthe Kurdish North, there is continuing security and growing prosperity. The primarily Shiite south remains largely free of terrorism, receives much more electric power and other public services than it did under Saddam, and is experiencing greater economic activity. The Sunni triangle, geographically defined by Baghdad on the East, Tikrit to the North, and Ramadi to the West, is where most of the terrorist enemy attacks occur. And yet here too, there is progress."

"There are many more cars on the streets, satellite television dishes on the roofs, and literally millions more cell phones in Iraqi hands than before. All of that says the Iraqi economy is growing. And Sunni candidates are actively campaigning for seats in the National Assembly. People are working their way to a functioning society and economy in the midst of a very brutal, inhumane, sustained terrorist war against the civilian population and the Iraqi and American military there to protect it. "

"It is a war between 27 million and 10,000; 27 million Iraqis who want to live lives of freedom, opportunity, and prosperity and roughly 10,000 terrorists who are either Saddam revengists, Iraqi Islamic extremists, or al-Qaeda foreign fighters, and know their wretched causes will be set back if Iraq becomes free and modern."

For other Democrats looking to use their long forgetten common sense, be aware moveon.org is always watching:

"The war in Iraq has all the characteristics of Joe-momentum," said Tom Matzzie, Washington director of MoveOn.org, a liberal, Democratic-leaning activist group, recalling a slogan the senator used unsuccessfully during his 2004 presidential campaign."Just like he didn't realize his presidential ambitions were in trouble," Matzzie said, "he doesn't understand the war in Iraq isn't going anywhere."

Did I miss something Tom? Unless I misread Senator Lieberman's comments, I believe Mr. Lieberman claimed to have just returned from Iraq. So, once again common sense would tell us Senator Lieberman is speaking from first hand experience. This whole common sense thing really has Moveon.org rattled.

Soon, more Democrats may actually start thinking for themselves. Then the nation gets some responsible political discussion going. It will be anacrchy I tell you! Anarchy! We can not exist as a completely Republican nation, we need balance. However, the Democrats have perverted themselves with organizations like Moveon.org, and I am afraid we may never achieve a non-partisan debate on any issue that faces this great nation. And to that Mr. Matzzie, you greatly responsible.

It Is All In The Way You Phrase Things

After making millions of dollars off other people's suffering, Michael Moore has seemed to also mastered the subtle art of lying. Author Peter Schweizer's new book Do As I Say (Not As I Do) claims Michael Moore owns shares of Halliburton stock (one of the main recipient of attacks in Moore's "documentary" Fahrenheit 9/11).

Michael Moore shoots back with "I think people find that stuff funny "Michael Moore owns Halliburton stock," said Moore in the Nov. 23 Mott College speech carried by C-SPAN. "That's like a great comedy line. I know it's not true. I've never owned a share of stock in my life -- anything."

According to Peter Schweizer, Michael Moore is right. He doesn't own a single share of stock in my life...he owns thousands of shares. And technically Mr. Moore doesn't personally own the stock, it is controlled by his non-profit organization in which only him and his wife are officers.

"Frankly, I find it disgusting that people can take speeches and video out of context then present those speeches and video in a completely different manner, thus greatly altering the original meaning," Moore said while working on his new film about Hurricane Katrina. "It is a distortion of the truth and my opponents know it."

Moore took opportunity to further plug his new "documentary" about Hurricane Katrina. "This film completes a personal trilogy for me on exploiting human suffering and profiting from it. First there was Columbine, then 9/11, and now New Orleans. Put quite simply, if there is sensational death in the world, I will be there to making money on it."

"Oh yeah, and it is Bush's fault..."

Texans Has Gas

A large natural gas field was found in Texas.

With any luck there will a bunch of wildlife to kill and a ton of beautiful prairie land to destroy. Nothing makes me happier than a pilfering the Earth's natural resources while at the same time possibly endangering a species of animal.

My joy, however, remains tempered as it was found in Texas...

In A Word's 7 Most Irrelevant People Of 2005

Ironically, they are 7 of the 10 people from "Barbara Walters Presents: The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2005." We will show Barbara's list first, but as we do please be thinking in the back of your mind which 7 made In A Word's prestigious "7 Most Irrelevant People of 2005" (taken from a pool of 10 people from "Barbara Walters Presents: The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2005.")

Barbara's List:
Superstar Tom Cruise, Grammy Award winner Kanye West, pint-sized acting dynamo Dakota Fanning, legal eagle Thomas Mesereau, seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong (who is also joined by his rock star fiancee, Sheryl Crow) and Beth Holloway Twitty (mother of missing teenager Natalee Holloway). The special also includes "Desperate Housewives'" Teri Hatcher, Academy Award winner Jamie Foxx and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.

In A Word's List:
Super lug nut and Sciencetology looney Tom Cruise, "Verbally attacking President Bush was the best career decision I have ever made" Kenye West, "my agent is a good friend of Barbara Walters" Dakota Fanning, "I still believe Michael Jackson is innocent and monkeys will fly out of my butt" Thomas Mesereau, "luckily my daughter was cute blonde white girl or the media wouldn't have cared" Beth Holloway Twitty, "I exist on Barbara's list to cross promote another ABC show" Teri Hatcher, and finally "I threw away acting clout by staring in Stealth" Jamie Foxx.

There you have it folks, In A Word's 7 Most irrelevant People of 2005 (taken from a pool of 10 people from Barbara Walter's Presents: The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2005). The winners will be receiving a sternly written letter asking them to please fall into obscurity and a bill demanded restitution for the time they stole from my life this year.

Protein Wisdom

I have a new addiction. Everyday I have to read Protein Wisdom by Jeff Goldstein. The addiction has gotten so bad it is the first thing I browse on the web each day. And quite frankly it is for these types of posts:

A haiku that, for no reason whatsoever, imagines Abe Lincoln as a
rebellious Yellow-billed cuckoo (Coccyzus americanus):
"Four-score and seven-"
-- You know what? Screw this. Lets you
and me eat some grubs.

and classics like this...

"The Tale of Timmy the Curious Mouse" (a protein wisdom microfiction; based on a true story)
"Oooh. Peanut butter!" squeaked Timmy the curious mouse, poking his curious little mouse head into the springloaded trap's airy and inviting opening. "Gosh, I sure do love me some pea --"
SNAP!
~finis~

Jeff is a genius and Protein Wisdom is, in my opinion, the best blog on the web. Click now!

Casting Call

So, lets see if I've got this straight...

Dan Rather is your anchorman. He doesn't research and confirm his sources and runs an anti-Bush story. He gives his network, CBS, a black eye and "retires" in shame a few months later.

Alright, now you've got this stain on your network and an open anchor postion to fill. Knowing that viewers are already migrating from traditional news sources, next anchorperson you hire needs to be a homerun. You need a person that America will trust. In CBS' mind that person is Katie Couric.

Huh?

Did I miss something, when did Katie Couric become a trusted name in news? Consider this quote directed to Jimmy Carter from April 1st, 2005 on the Today Show (please notice the softball delivery of her questions to him):

“President Carter, as perhaps our country’s most revered ex-President, your words carry a lot of moral weight. Surely everyone noticed when you told reporters recently that President Bush’s war on Iraq was based on a campaign of quote, ‘lies and misinterpretations.’ How many lies do you think the President told to drag us into war?... I mean, were they little white lies or really gigantic whoppers?...Does this button sum it all up for you, ‘Bush Lied, People Died’?”

Most revered ex-President? Your words carry a lot of moral weight? Yes, surely Carter ranks higher than Washington, Addams, Jefferson, Lincoln, the Roosevelts, Kennedy, and Reagan. How Katie made that statement with a straight face amazes me.

Then again, maybe that is what CBS is looking for...someone who can lie and not crack a smile.

Quickies

Canadians vote no confidence in their government. Well, it is about time, we Americans have had no confidence in their government for decades.

And because no conservative blog is complete without a little Massachusetts bashing...

A Provincetown Selectwomen has ordered the removal of a painting depicting the signing of the Mayflower Compact. Why you ask? Well, because there were no women in the painting. It appears that California disease has hit Massachusetts hard.

Maybe we could give the Russians a 2 for 1 deal with Alaska and Massachusetts. Or maybe, just maybe a Buy 2 get 1 Free if we included California. Or maybe just free...

Blah, Blah, Blah

!!Breaking News!! -- Live, from the fictional reality of America's Celebrities

Yet another liberal, celebrity Democrat has denounced the war in Iraq and the Bush administration. Ted Turner stated yesterday at Kansas State University, "you have to question ... the president on a lot of decisions he's made," Turner said. "He might just think launching those weapons [nuclear warheads] would be a good thing to do. ... He thought Iraq was."

He thought Iraq was...hahaha...oh Ted stop, you'll killing me.

However, the speech was not perfect, as Mr. Turner was penalized style points for making a bad sports analogy. He said we are at a "critical juncture" and compared the situation to that of a baseball team down two runs in the seventh inning. Of course, this is the man who used to own the Atlanta Braves. The Braves are the baseball team that have won like 15 straight division championships, but only one World Series. Yeah, Ted, that is what America is looking for, the inability to finish the job and the constant label of not finishing what we started.

And finally, because you can't talk about Iraq without referencing Vietnam he threw in this worthless, moveon.org tag line: "You would think that we would have learned that [war is not the answer] in Vietnam," he said. No Ted we did learn and this time we won't cut and run. This time we will give our troops the resources and support they deserve. This time it won't be 14 years of bloodshed and 50,000 lost lives for a war we could have and should have won. This time we will finish the job. This time we will make sure those brave men and women who have died defending our way of life will not become just a failed footnote in history that future celebrities and politicians can use to grandstand on to promote their twisted ideology.

Of course, we shouldn't expect much from the man who was once married to Hanoi Jane.

Star Wars Ep. VII: Darth Bush and The Braindead Canucks

Former Canadian Minister of Defense and Deputy Prime Minister, Paul Hellyer, has uncovered a plot by President Bush to start an intergalactic war. Away from his padded cell for a lecture at the University of Toronto, Mr. Hellyer said "UFOs, are as real as the airplanes that fly over your head."

As the medication started to wear off, Hellyer continued: "I'm so concerned about what the consequences might be of starting an intergalactic war, that I just think I had to say something."

Hellyer continued with his speech being interpreted into Vulcan, just in case Spock's great, great, great, great, great, grandfather was listening via subspace communications: "The secrecy involved in all matters pertaining to the Roswell incident was unparalleled. The classification was, from the outset, above top secret, so the vast majority of U.S. officials and politicians, let alone a mere allied minister of defense, were never in-the-loop."

Wait for it, wait for it...and now the punchline.

Hellyer warned, "The United States military are preparing weapons which could be used against the aliens, and they could get us into an intergalactic war without us ever having any warning. He stated, "The Bush administration has finally agreed to let the military build a forward base on the moon, which will put them in a better position to keep track of the goings and comings of the visitors from space, and to shoot at them, if they so decide."

Star Trek fans in attendance erupted in a standing ovations as he concluded with "the time has come to lift the veil of secrecy, and let the truth emerge, so there can be a real and informed debate, about one of the most important problems facing our planet today."

Some stories just write themselves. And no, none of the quotes are made up.

A Public Opinion Poll I Promise You Will Not See Repeated In The Mainstream Media

I be perfectly honest I was more than I little surprised that I found this little nugget of truth in the Washington Post. It seems (at least according to this poll) that about 70% of Americans believe the Democrats criticism of the war in Iraq hurts troop morale. You think? Hell, even 55% of Democrats believe it hurt morale.

You mean saying things like "wrong time, wrong war" and consistently saying the situation is getting worse negatively affects the mindset of the men and women putting their lives on the line for us? Well I have to hand it to the Democrats, the Iraq War was nothing like Vietnam until now. Maybe Ted Kennedy could urinate in a balloon and throw it a returning veteran when he arrives home from Iraq, that would make the parallels complete.

The other statistic that blew me away in the article was that 30% of Americans believe the criticism of the war is not for political gain. Does this really mean 7 in 10 Americans can actually see through the Democrats' rhetoric?

Expect a poll from MSNBC later to day contradicting RT Strategies' poll findings.

Rode Hard, Put Away Wet

Here is a little picture of what it looks like the morning after sleeping around with Moveon.org. The waking up to realization the you are no longer wanted. The truth in knowing you no longer have a husband and a family. The pain of not only losing your son, but of also traveling the country degrading what he believed in.

Cindy Sheehan is shown here waiting for someone, anyone to come so she can sign her new book. At the same time, the rest of her family is celebrating Thanksgiving without her...again.

A broken woman sitting alone at a table. A pawn. Everything that matters in her life is gone. Left in solitary thought, tending to all her self inflicted wounds.

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor...

As the viewership of this blog continues to grow, I feel as though I need to clarify a few things so no one will be misled by any of the information presented on this site.

1. The articles are meant to be humorous (albeit not all the time, whether intentional or not). However, most articles are linked to the real stories.

2. I will from now on put fictional quotes in yellow text. This will be everyone's clue, that it possibly isn't true, but is probably meant to be funny (once again not always though). As the articles are linked, you the reader, should be able to figure out when I am putting words in other people's mouths.

3. Even though there maybe a twisting of context or satirical bend on a story, I will never present the fiction as the truth. As the articles are linked to a real news source, you can always check my facts. The links section on this site will also direct you to places to check the validity about a particular story.

4. I welcome your comments. Please feel free to post. All I ask is that you represent yourself in some manor (ie. nickname, name, or some reference to who you are) . No anonymous posts.

Lastly, I am always to looking to add links and other blogs that mirror In A Word, please contact me about making our little blogsphere a little bigger.

Enjoy.

Dear Santa, All I Want Is For Christmas Is For The Politically Correct Movement To Die

Coming as no surprise to no one, Boston made a bold move to unseat San Francisco as the most politically correct city in the nation while at the same time upsetting a majority of its' citizens. Instead of erecting a Christmas Tree this year, Boston will be lighting a Holiday Tree.

The vague Holiday Tree will be a symbol of giving and receiving presents, little babies born in a manger, going to Church on a random day such as midnight on December 24th, goodwill towards men and women, and peace on not just Earth but also the Moon and Mars.

The city of Boston is also asking people to refrain from using the words Menorah and Dreidel. In their places, please use the terms "holiday candlestick" and "square top with funny writing."

John Kerry (D-Mass) came to the defense of Boston in a statement to In A Word: "Celebrating X-mas is a very personal thing. Although America has always respected other religious holidays while even at war, such as Tet and Ramadan, Christians must learn to share December 25th with the rest of the world. In the spirit of sharing we will do our best to remove any references to a X-mas that 1% of the country may find offensive."

Man, I do love Massachusetts. It is a conservative blogger's dream come true. Writer's block? Google search "stupid" and "Massachusetts" and the idea pipeline bursts wide open.

Al-Zarqawi, Meet Your New Neighbor

The King of Weird, Michael Jackson (pictured), who recently moved to the friendly confines of Bahrain in the middle East, has held out an olive branch to the Muslims in the area. Wacko was recently reported to have made anti-semantic comments in conjunction to his financial woes. Of course, it could be argued that sleeping with little boys does damage ones career; the purveyor of Jesus Juice seems to believe the Jewish are out to get him.

"At first we were a little concerned with Mr. Jackson moving to our neighborhood," Al-Zarqawi, Iraq's most wanted man said today outside of posh dirt cave. "Property values and child safety have always been a top priority of our exclusive little area of the world, but Mr. Jackson seems to be the first American I could actually throwback a beer with. Everyone knows the infidel Jews are the root of all evil, praise Allah, and Mr. Jackson is our kind of psychotic."

The In A Word staff is wondering if there might be houses for sales in Michael's new subdivision for other US celebrities? Michael Moore, Al Franken, Rush Limbaugh, The Clintons, All of Hollywood, Green Day, Ted Kennedy, Pat Robertson, The Cast of The Today Show, Jessica Simpson, Jesse Jackson... The list could go on and on...

Tonight On Must See Terrorist TV

Programming Schedule For Al-Jazeera

6:00PM: "Imperialists Pigs" -- how the United States tried to blow up Al-Jazeera offices.
6:30PM: Live Coverage of a Car Bombing in Iraq
7:00PM: "An Intimate Conversation With The Misunderstood Osama Bin Laden"
8:00PM: "Lies and the Lying Infidels that Tell Them" -- more on the how the United States plotted to use a bomb to blow up innocent people at Al-Jazeera studios.
8:30PM: Paid Advertisement by Al-Qaeda
9:00PM: "Iraqi Choppers" a live beheading, an Al-Jazeera exclusive
10:00PM: PBS' Frontline

Set Your Tivo Now! Sometime next week a live news conference in Massachusetts of Democrats calling for Bush to come clean about the Al-Jazeera allegations.

Harsh and Cruel, These Are Just A Few Of My Favorite Things

Following the promotional stunt to draw attention to himself, the American bonehead Atheist Michael Newdow has now decided to wage war on good taste. As the reviews of his one man play roll in, I will let the Sacramento Bee say what I wanted to say:

"But [Newdow's] budding musical career, which he put on display in a one-man show before a sparse audience Tuesday night, may be cut short by, of all things, lack of God-given talent."

Ouch, suppose he will sue the Bee for using God in his review?

My pocket watch says his fifteen minutes are coming to an end. And to that I say "Amen."